Nov/02
2016

So I have a 9am conference call with the "team". Note that the "team" are not co-located in any way, shape or form. As the leader of said meeting I book things for an hour, because that's the longest I believe anything should take but typically my meetings are much shorter. In fact today's meeting only took 17 minutes.

What's my secret? Here they are:

1. Prepare. Get all your shit together that you want to say the day before. Make sure you have 30 slides or less for a 1 hour presentation (if you're actually going to talk that long).

2. Cut to the point. A review of last week is fine if you can keep it to 1 page. The more concepts (not words, CONCEPTS) you can cram into a single sentence the better. Instead of saying "The part is blue; the part is expensive; only one person makes the part" try "vendor X has limited quantities of part Y in blue."

3. It's better to have more shorter meetings than 1 longer meeting after a longer period of time. Know the phrase "out of sight out of mind?" Yeah, it's a thing. Regular, quick, to the point. People feel on top of stuff and you have less to review AND present.

4. Get there early and start on time. No blathering.

So blam - 9 am we start, (I actually booted up at 8:45 and spent 15 minutes talking about random stuff) and 9:17 we're done. "I'm giving you back 45 minutes of your life."

As I'm shutting down the system I hear one group say "I like short meetings." "Yes, we all do." I managed to get in just before the software finished closing. The laughter from everyone was a nice way to end the meeting.

Nov/01
2016

Don't know about the rest of you but I've had enough. I saw an interesting (for a change) poll yesterday that said over 80% of the people polled were sick to death of hearing about the election. Count me in that majority.

So, for the next seven days I'm going to write about anything EXCEPT the fucking thing I just mentioned above. Because it's my blog and I can find plenty to whine about without wanting to stab myself in the face repeatedly.

Ok so, today sucked. Most days suck recently, partly the task at hand and more due to the people I work for. Ignorance combined with willful self-illusion equals life-in-hell. Don't get me wrong, I'm tough, generally I can take it, but when the Boss has no grasp of reality, the client doesn't know or understand what they've bought and the co-sponsor hates everyone and their dog - well needless to say that the Twain just won't meet anywhere. It's bicker-city and it makes the blind men and their elephant resemble Micky Rooney with a chihuahua because my problems are more like the guy who played Jaws groping a velociraptor. Can you say "not fun"? Can you say "all my money is going for booze?" Can you say "it's more fun having root canal than trying to answer email"? Of course you can!

But then there's the whole "getting paid" part and "man it fucking sucks having to change jobs". Yes, there's that. But, change is good I guess, and challenging yourself is part of what keeps a person from getting stale and stagnant.

So yeah, work sucks and it's not going to get better any time soon. There you go - rant day 1. Stay tuned for tomorrow when we hear our hero say "ARGJKFDS*&$#*(&*(%$#%FUCKEVERYTHINGANDTHEIRCAMEL."

w00t!

Oct/31
2016

So I'm minding my own business, not doing much just toodling around online and "bring-a-ding-a-ling" but my OS has a new message for me. My! What can it be?

"Microsoft Edge is faster than Chrome, for reals!"

C'mon Microsoft, is this really what you're resorting to? Spamming your captive audience with bullshit advertisements to make them gag on even more of your dick-ware? So here's my answer for you: "No. No, no, no a thousand times no. Also... no."

I like Chrome, and just because you have my money for my OS does NOT mean you get it for every fucking other thing as well. So suck off assholes. I mean it.

Oct/30
2016

So tail lights. I have a thing about examining them, trying to (in some cases) imagine what the designer had in mind. Some are easy, the new Jeep Renegade has this adorable square-button with a little cross-stitched "X" in the middle. Reminds one of a Raggedy Ann doll, really. Probably not what the artist had conceived, but hey, cute (as a button) nonetheless.

Then there's what I call the drawer-pull tail light. Looks like the handle on cupboard with all the kitchen utensils. Simple, plain, nothing to write home about. Boring is not the same as succinct, but hey, we can't all be graphic artists now can we?

The coaster. Square with a round ring or just plain round. Actually I could have stopped at just plain. Rings can be interesting sometimes, when they overlap, but mostly these are just plopped on top of each other like the blobs of a snowman.

The blob. These check the box where the designer was told "we need tail lights, they go in the corners." And yes, yes they did. That's about all they did.

For a while Volvo was putting their tail lights on their wagons up so high they'd blend with the traffic lights. It was different, sure, and attention grabbing, but I notice that the lights have migrated back south. I guess the cold weather didn't really suit them after all.

Dental tools. This is what is being sported on the rear of the 2016 Toyota Prius. Gigantic, covered in blood, dental tools. I'll say it caught my attention, but I won't say it did it in a good way. Brrrrrrr.

Animated tail lights. I think it's the mustangs that have these. They blink in sequence when used for signalling a direction. Very Knight Rider. If you get that reference then you're way too old and probably need help chewing your food. You probably also think that getting into a car like that would involve medical assistance. You're probably right.

Paperclips, horseshoes and fishhooks. My but we've come a long way since the introduction of the LED. Some designers are actually doing creative things to highlight the lines of the car (well Toyota tried but they never examined the result). I applaud this. It's a good thing, getting away from the coasters and blobs. It also probably means that replacing said devices when the asshole behind you forgets to brake costs a crapload, but hey, it's all for the sake of modern something-something right?

Tail lights. Thanks for reading, bet you won't look at them the same any more...

Oct/28
2016

Ok really WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS GOING ON? I just watched maybe 30 minutes of TV and in that time I saw a "new" version of Monopoly that does away with the SIMPLE ACT OF ADDING AND SUBTRACTING because.. I can't believe this shit... BECAUSE IT USES A CREDIT CARD. OMFG REALLY? Now you can play monopoly and not EVEN have an elementary school education. A fucking 9 month old can play now. Yay. Let's encourage kids to be morons by eliminating even the most basic mental exercises.

But wait - WHY THE FUCK EXERCISE AT ALL? Now you can get your kid a fucking battery powered WHEELCHAIR for the holidays too! YES FOR FUCKING REAL. I mean the whole POINT of these fucking toys is to let kids burn off their energy through EXERCISE. Using their arms, legs, chin, whothefuckcares what, but using some muscles to develop coordination and have fun. Now they can just sit back in a BATTERY POWERED WHEELCHAIR AND DO JACKFUCKINGDIDDLY.

Can you fucking BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!?!?!?

Toy companies must die. All of them. They're destroying the future of humanity. This christmas save humanity, give your youngsters rocks, sticks and maybe a cardboard box. They'll have fun anyway.

Oct/26
2016

Poor, marginalized white guy is mad mad mad that someone dared call out his bro-pal. Boy is HE going to show HER who's boss!

Donald Trump has congratulated Newt Gingrich on his spat with TV anchor Megyn Kelly, whom the former house speaker said was "fascinated" with sex.

Mr Gingrich claimed Ms Kelly showed "bias" for mentioning the groping allegations against Mr Trump.
Mr Trump praised Mr Gingrich's comments while breaking from the campaign to open his new hotel in Washington, DC.

"Congratulations," he said. "That was an amazing interview last night...We don't play games, Newt".
Mr Gingrich appeared on Fox News on Tuesday on behalf of Mr Trump in what resulted in a heated exchange between him and Ms Kelly.

The spat concluded when Ms Kelly ended the interview and told Mr Gingrich to "take your anger issues and spend some time working on them". (BBC)

Yeah, it's "bias" to mention that Trump was caught on tape boasting about how easy and fun it was to stick his hands in women's cunts. Real bias. Because, you know, people might actually not LIKE Der Donald when they hear what he has to say. Bias. Because real women are OK with letting men treat them like sex toys.

Of course it's Megyn's fault that she actually brought this up. Because BIAS! What she should have been bringing up was the fact that the opposing candidate's husband cheated and lied about cheating. Not that HE's running for president (again). But it says TONS about the person who is because everyone knows that when one person in the relationship cheats on the other then they're BOTH guilty as fuck.

Funny how that doesn't make any sense when you type it out, right?

Yes Newt, you with your STERLING record of not-cheating, not-divorcing your IN THE HOSPITAL WIFE AT THE TIME becauyse "She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer." Yeah you're mr. fucking PERFECT aren't you?

No, you're a tiny tool and as Megyn pointed out, you can't even control the shit that comes out of your mouth. If you want to go suck Trump's dick, please, feel free. Just do it in private ok?

Oct/25
2016

Because religion is far, far more important than a woman's health or sanity.

WARSAW, Poland (AP) -- Polish women gathered Monday in cities across the country to protest a proposal to ban abortions in cases where fetuses are badly damaged or have no chance of survival after birth.[..]

The women, joined by many men, have returned to the streets in response to a new proposal by Jaroslaw Kaczynski, the head of the ruling Law and Justice party. Earlier this month, he said his party wants to ensure that even pregnancies involving a child "certain to die, very deformed, still end up in a birth, so that the child can be baptized, buried, have a name.

If it's just a matter of how remains are treated then there's no reason why a woman must be exposed to risk of carrying an nonviable fetus. The remains must be named and baptized? Sure, go right ahead. But the idea of compelling a woman to be a walking coffin for a fetus that is guaranteed to die is beyond cruel. It only prolongs the agony for everyone.

Poland needs a divorce from the church and polish women need to make a stand for their rights. Telling a woman what she can and can't do with her body, her life isn't what a government is for (contrary, of course, to what conservative fuckwads like to think).

Here's hoping that polish women make a stand and make a difference, both for themselves and their daughters. Here's also hoping that the fucking patriarchy gets one shoved up their ultra-tight assholes.

Oct/24
2016

I'm Never Just Kidding

I'm so excited for my family to come visit. I had such a good weekend with old friends with whom I have so much in common. My bosses usually make good decisions. I hate the cold. I miss summer. Math is dumb. Sports are awesome. I wish I owned more flannel (and I know the difference between flannel and plaid).

Poe's Law is no joke.

Poe's Law

Is introducing Poe's law an indicator of Poe's law at work? I'll leave that to the reader as an exercise.

PS, It is not wise to confuse Poe's law with Lewis's Law. People don't like it at all.

Lewis's Law

Don't we just all love people on the internet (Including ourselves) ...

Oct/23
2016

Maybe a smilie at the end would have helped provide context?

BARRINGTON, R.I. (AP) -- A Rhode Island man who penned a letter to a newspaper complaining about women wearing yoga pants says it was meant to be humorous and he doesn't have an issue with yoga pants. He even owns a pair.

Alan Sorrentino tells WPRO-AM (http://bit.ly/2euKOXY) he had hoped the letter published Oct. 19 in the Barrington Times would be enjoyed as a break from the current political campaign rhetoric.

But the letter generated a huge outcry and a group of women say they'll parade through Sorrentino's neighborhood Sunday afternoon dressed in yoga pants.[..]

He says he's received death threats, sharing with the radio station several expletive-laden voicemails. Sorrentino likened the harassment to threats he's received over the years as an openly gay man.

What Alan faces here is something many, many men suffer from all over the world: poor timing. With the whole "Nasty Woman" thing going around, threats against women who complain against being harassed, women being murdered for posting selfies that their nation feels is inappropriate, other women being raped to death or incest being overlooked it's hard to find a "ha ha" moment these days when it comes to misogyny.

So I'd offer this advice, dude, the NEXT time you decide to liven things with a "joke" make sure people know you're joking ok? Because right now it seems as if the backlash has turned your "harmless opinion piece" into a life lesson about not poking an angry bear. I'd say your best choice right now is a strong mea culpa and a life of ensuing anonymity.

Unless Trump wins...

Oct/22
2016

Because, you know, who the fuck cares about little girls. Their future is only to be sluts or whores.

A judge in the US state of Montana, who gave a 60-day jail term to a man for having sex with his 12-year-old daughter, has faced growing calls for his removal.

The 40-year-old father of three's sentence also included a 30-year suspended prison term.

District Judge John McKeon has defended himself, saying the victim's mother and grandmother opposed a jail sentence.[..]

The judge also cited a letter from the victim's mother, in which she acknowledged the "horrible" nature of the crime, but asked for leniency.[..]

"He has two sons that still love him and need their father in their lives, even with very understandable restrictions. I would like to see my children have an opportunity to heal the relationship with their father.

Abusers raising more abusers aided and abetted by former victims, that's what you're seeing here. A mother AND grandmother saying to the judge "oh please go easy on this MAN because his SONS need him and his daughter is already damaged goods and not worth consideration." And guess what? It worked! The judge said "Yeah, huh, you bitches know your place don'cha!"

Yeah raping your pre-teen daughter isn't a big deal in Montana in 2016, nor really is it going to be a big deal in Trmup-merica where grabbing women by the pussy and molesting them is:

a) their fault
b) the right of every red-blooded American (only males need apply)
c) a point of pride because it means you're successful
d) all of the above

Gotta love it. Yes vote Trump so more daughters can be thrown in the trash like they deserve.

Oct/21
2016

There's Young and Stupid and then there's Just Plain Fucked-in-the-head Stupid. Guess which label applies to Kristen?

AUSTIN, Texas, Oct. 19 (UPI) -- A Texas veterinarian's license was suspended for one year by the state for killing a cat with a bow and arrow and then bragging about it online.

The Texas Board of Veterinary Medical Examiners suspended Kristen Lindsey's license for one year and is requiring her to participate in continuing education on animal welfare. She will be on probation for four years once the suspension is over.

Lindsey posted a photo of herself on Facebook proudly holding the cat, a tabby named Tiger, with an arrow through its head.

"My first bow kill, lol," she said in the post. "The only good feral tomcat is one with an arrow through its' head. Vet of the year award... gladly accepted."

Imagine that, as someone who went to school to heal sick and injured animals, posting a smiling selfie holding up an orange tabby-tiger impaled in the head by an arrow. That's TOTALLY the person I'd want helping my family pets. "Awww honey, Fluffy isn't going to make it, but I'll let you pick out which arrow we can use to shoot her with, how about this pretty pink one?"

Ok, Kristen? You're a fucking tragedy of humanity. It comes as no surprise that you're from Texas, where stupid isn't just a way of life, it's a uniting principle. Fuck you, you dumb cunt, never heard of trap and neuter? Probably not. I question any institution that gave YOU accreditation.

Oct/20
2016

Gotta love Delta, must be getting ready for Trump season, where only white men can be in charge.

A black doctor was left frustrated after her credentials were questioned when she tried to help a patient on an internal US flight.

Dr Tamika Cross, an obstetrician-gynaecologist, said a Delta Air Lines crew member told her: "Oh no sweetie, put your hand down, we are looking for actual physicians." (BBC)

A black woman? Doctor? Well goddamn how did SHE slip through? I mean really, you would think that looking past her resume, qualifications, job experience and SUCCESS at some point someone would have said "Hey, wait, whoa, bitches can't be REAL doctors, much less black bitches."

Yeah, this is the reality of what "making america great" is all about. The question is, great for who?

Oct/19
2016

When faced with the LITERAL description of the Antichrist, true believers will try and vote him into office. When faced with someone NOTHING like the devil, people will shoot to kill. It's a fucked up world.

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- A man has been ordered to stand trial on charges he killed his newlywed wife with a crossbow in their Philadelphia home.[..] Prosecutors at the preliminary hearing played a videotaped statement in which Kuzan said he thought his wife "was Satan" and thought "the Apocalypse was about to start."

So a husband can take a crossbow to his bride and yet no one feels a bit disturbed at a man with brimstone colored skin and a gold toupee running for president even if he fits the LITERAL description of the antichrist.

As to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered together to him, we beg you, brothers and sisters, not to be quickly shaken in mind or alarmed, either by spirit or by word or by letter, as though from us, to the effect that the day of the Lord is already here. Let no one deceive you in any way; for that day will not come unless the rebellion comes first and the lawless one is revealed, the one destined for destruction. He opposes and exalts himself above every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, declaring himself to be God.

? 2 Thessalonians 2:1?4 NRSV (1989)

I am your voice, said Trump. I alone can fix it. I will restore law and order. He did not appeal to prayer, or to God. He did not ask Americans to measure him against their values, or to hold him responsible for living up to them. He did not ask for their help. He asked them to place their faith in him. (the Atlantic)

And in case you've still any doubt, consider the seven deadly sins...

A proud (vain) look
A lying tongue.
Hands that shed innocent blood
A heart that deviseth wicked acts
Feet that be swift in running to mischief
A false witness that speaketh lies
He that soweth discord among brethren

Trump. The antichrist? No, not really. But that's only because I'm an atheist. Now if I really did believe in god then I would be scared as fuck.

Oct/18
2016

But not for Julian! Ok, well actually it sucks for him, but not for us.

Wikileaks says that Ecuador has shut down internet access for its founder Julian Assange.[..]

Wikileaks has recently been releasing emails from Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign.
Eleven revelations from Clinton emails

The anti-secrecy organisation did not return calls and emails on Monday, though it said in a tweet: "We have activated the appropriate contingency plans." (BBC)

While ordinarily I feel for people who are experiencing an outage, I'm having a really hard time feeling bad for Assmange. If his organization is going to fuck with US politics then fuck him. He's no better than the russian hackers who are providing him the content. I hope he liked the taste of Trump's dick, because that's all the satisfaction he's going to get, no matter who wins.

Contingency plans? I'll bet. Someone cue to tune to "Catch that Pigeon" because I'm figuring that's all the contingency he's going to get. That plus a reallly expensive mobile data plan.

Oct/17
2016

Ironic Irony of the 2nd Amendment

It is popular in the news (not these days but usually). There's usually plenty of things to read or watch about it (especially on this blog). There are myriad opinions too (although this blog typically has only one).

Of course we're talking about the 2nd Amendment and gun rights.

But with all of this content and opinions, what strikes me the most about the 2nd Amendment and those who support it in today's world is the irony of it all. Allow me to pontificate.

Without using popular terms, I content that those who support the 2nd Amendment are typically those who like to follow the constitution to the letter or claim to understand and follow what the founding fathers intended. Some may disagree and we can debate via separate correspondence. But I'll just move on as if it were true.

Text: "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed."

1) Follow the words crowd: putting aside the fact that scholars don't agree on the actual text (number of commas), it is clear that we have the right to form ?well regulated? militias and keep and bear arms. But these terms need definitions, especially if we're going to follow the words literally. Let's focus on the key word ? arms (next would be ?well regulated?). If the definition provided is literal, then we have the right to bear muskets, swords, hatches, and the other tools of the militia (unless they predicted future and included semi-automatic rifles and shotguns). But let's make it interesting and assume the smart old white dudes thought to the future with a forward looking ideal. Since the text clearly ties together the right to form a militia and keep and bear arms, then the arms we have the right to keep and bear are the same as those used by the militias. Interesting, this means we have the right to own all arms militaries around the world utilize, including rockets, nuclear weapons, the whole shebang. Well hold on, a sane person may say, why the comparison to the militia? Well sane person, without this linkage, the 2nd Amendment is as pointless as a militia bearing shotguns and assault rifles trying to seize liberty from our government with its drones, encrypted sat comms, and warships (Oh My!). Well hold on, a ridiculous person may say, so what, that's great! Well ridiculous person, it would be ridiculous to explain how ridiculously ridiculous you sound you ridiculously ridiculous person who inspires much ridicule. It seems you get a choice, ridiculous 2nd Amendment that allows nukes or a violation of the 2nd Amendment because you cannot bear enough arms to be infringed in the forming of your militia.

2) Intent crowd: It is hard to deny, although many will try (and they are wrong), that the intent is obviously to prevent the government from making it impossible for the citizenry to restore liberty when presented with a tyrannical government. In support of this, consider the context of the day. The founding fathers just went through hell struggling against the massively stronger military of their tyrannical government. It's no wonder why this is the 2nd Amendment and not found later in the list. They put this in place to limit the government so that citizens could fight back for liberty. While crazy today, this was a wonderful idea in its day. I argue it was even necessary at the time because of technology. But today's technology is very different. Dare anyone to argue that any of us could amass enough weapons to beat our military (and laugh in their face if they actually accept). For better or worse, our military is incredibly strong; we don't stand a chance. If you think worse, wake the fuck up and go join that ridiculous guy up there, you two are a pair (since it's so trivial, I'll leave the proof of this statement for the reader as an exercise). If you believe in the intent of the 2nd Amendment, I feel sorry for you for it was overcome by events over a century ago. Perhaps this is the best example of how our country?s documents can be overcome by time (but that's neither the monkeys or circus of this post). 

 

The Irony: No matter who you are, your interpretation, or your opinion, the 2nd Amendment is useless. No matter what you do, bear arms or not, you can't protect yourself from anyone.

And behold the irony!

funny

Oct/16
2016

I Don't Buy The Lie

Ok, so while Trump is howling about how the entire election is rigged against him (he'll sue, just wait) I've been trying to find out what the entire "crooked Hillary" thing is about. I've scanned several conseratroid websites and the results are not very satisfying. Here are the "lies" that have everyone so worked up:

- She landed in Bosnia under sniper fire, which wasn't verified on the video
- She left her job at the White House in debt, which was true but apparently not debt-enough to count
- Her email server was "set up with the same security as typical servers", which was also probably true, but hey we all know that US servers are totally hackproof
- She came from immigrant grandparents, and oops, only one was
- She's concerned about the cost of college, which means that when she takes money to speak at colleges she's a hypocrite
- She claims a long list of accomplishments, which is bs because being Secretary of State is easy-peasy

It's interesting to note that not all websites hating on Hillary go after Benghazi. I'd guess the ones omitting this are a little more up to date, where she's been cleared multiple times of trying to deliberately mislead people. Still, it's easier for people to hold on to comfortable lies than read long and boring transcripts. For the most part even Congress has finally buried that horse.

Yep, those are some lies. Worse than grabbing women's privates, mistreating your workers or not paying taxes when you're rich-as-fuck.

I support that the "lying" label is just that, a label, sadly one that has stuck because really they don't have much else to stick her with. America isn't ready for a woman president, just the same as it wasn't ready for a Black president. All the myths propagated during the Obama elections turned out to be just that, but the thing is that people WANT to hate, they WANT to be afraid, they want that unifying threat... even when it doesn't exist.

Honestly Bernie would have been a far greater threat to the established GOP, so it doesn't surprise me in the least that some members of the GOP have been deserting their candidate.

And for those out there who want to hate on Hillary, go ahead, I'm sure she's used to it. Just like every other woman who ever dared to break the glass ceiling.

Oct/15
2016

Yep, that about sums up the kind of guy who tries to defend the indefensible by bullying a woman on her own network into silence. GUESS WHAT BEN BITCH BUCKET? YOU FAILED.

"Cut her mic."

No-one's ever said my microphone should be cut before, so when Dr Ben Carson suggested I should be shut up after I asked him if he thought the women accusing Donald Trump of sexual abuse were lying, I was a bit flabbergasted. It sounded almost Soviet.[..] Replaying the tape I see it also looks rather bullying. In a conversation about sexual harassment a man asks a woman to be silenced for asking a question he doesn't want to answer. (Katty Kay - BBC)

You must think you're quite the man there Ben, to be giving orders to a network about their employee. Yep, surely everyone will agree that the MAN-DOCTOR knows best right? After all you're doubly qualified, as a man AND a doctor. How dare a woman as you a yes or no question? And how dare she ask a second time after you refused to answer.

Basically, if you had the balls to answer you would have, but Ben, we all know who's the real pussy here.

No one can defend Trump, and Ol' Orange-Face knows this best because he doesn't even try. Instead he attacks the women he already attacked, because let's face it, if they took the abuse back then they'll certainly be willing to take it again right? The old no-apologies, no-regrets is a great strategy. I can't wait to see how that works out when we bomb Russia.