May/02
2005
You know what I like to read about? When people do something obviously retarded and then credit God when someone bails their sorry ass out. Take the current case of the two teenage boys who went shark fishing in a Sunfish. First, the Coast Guard had issued warnings about going out - which they chose to ignore. (You think God told them to ignore it?) Then once they got out they discovered they were in way over their heads and tried to tow the boat back to shore by swimming. Now I've been in a Sunfish. It's a damned small boat - the idea of fishing for anything over a foot long in a boat that small is a testament to the level of their intelligence. Read that: stupid. Now they managed to survive almost a week at Sea. And when they do finally get rescued it's not "OMG Thank you so much for finding me" to the people that yanked their sorry, soggy asses out of the water it's "God saved me". Maybe if they had used some common sense to begin with (doesn't God dole that out?) they wouldn't have done something retarded in the first place. There's lots of stories out there like that. It seems clear at this point the common thread is 'if you're stupid enough to ignore the warnings that your fellow humans have posted right in your face, then obviously you're not intelligent enough to give the credit due to the humans that subsequently saved you.' Not all religous people are tards, but apparently the ones that make the news certainly are.
May/01
2005
So I have a problem, nothing earth shattering, but something that should be fixable with just a few check boxes on a web-based settings page. I was asked to configure 2 computers that are connected by a router so they may play a LAN game. No biggie right? Worked fine when they were connected via a hub. Now I just need to enable it so they can lock-lips through the same ports and joy shall reign supreme (in a game-wise sense). Hell how hard can this be, I mean they can ping each other and see each other through all sorts of local file sharing romances. Just...a matter...of getting the settings...on the router...set. I mean come ON they ARE on the same side of the firewall here. So I dick about, I find the ip for the router, call up the web-admin, load up the CD with the acrobat help files. Yeah, well I should not have to do this on my own right? I mean even if I did get $50 in rebates I should get primo-tech support. So what if it's a Sunday. So I surf on over to the Linksys site. Well not exactly - I type in support.linksys.com, EVERYbody has a support.myhardware.com site, uh, uh.... ok - maybe everyone BUT Linksys. Fine, fine - we'll do it the old fashioned way, blah blah blah www.linksys.com, support. Ok maybe we'll try their text chat support. Sure, after all I'm still in a good mood. Well well, I'm customer number 1 in the queue and I get Joy Ann (random garbage chars) to help me. Joy Ann, now there's a different name eh? So I esplain teh problem. "2 computers, same LAN, want play game, work with hub but not with router, fixee plis". Damn but it's taking them a loooong time to reply. Must be the applet, not the fact that they could be half a world away. Ok, try this setting, set MTU to manual - because, um, because... well try it. (MTU is set by default to automatic enabling the router to determine the size of the packets that can be sent through. And we all know that the bigger the packet-size the more satisfying the internet experience, right? right? stay with me here...) But - hey - I'm typing and I'm really NOT getting a reply and no it didn't make a difference oh FFS it reset my connection and I'm not talking to Joy Ann any more. Hmmmm. Lets try this again. Wow another woman, so many women work at Linksys tech support. Ok now, they want to know what my NIC settings are. My NIC settings? Why? Oh to diagnose the problem. Sure - ask away what do you want to know. Speed eh? It's auto. Uh, so you want me to set my NIC to 10Mbps Half Duplex....because.... Their answer: because it'll help me diagnose the problem and let me know if the router is working in full duplex. The Truth: Because not only will it reset my connection making me have to re-connect a third time but it will also fucking slow my connection down to some bullshit 10Mbps ancient speed of hate. Well at this point I've got it figured out. These aren't women. They aren't even in the US. These are some fucking 3rd world outsourced tech support with FAKE NAMES (what marketing maggot had the bright idea to have computer generated female names to make people more tolerant of shitty support? You KNOW they're going to hell first class). Talk about misrepresentaion. These no-nothing fuckers just wasted an hour of my time, reset my connection every time I asked them a serious question and tried to bork my NIC settings. I signed off with the following: "Well it's pretty clear that I understand the problem better than you, and I'm not about to reset my network connection a second time just to pass along the problem to the next person in tech support. Good bye." Sparklingly civil of me, eh wot? What I really meant to say was "Fuck you, you fucktard for wasting my time, masquerading as a native-english speaking woman, and maliciously trying to fuck with working settings. IF you had any balls you'd admit you don't know what you're doing, even in the most basic sense, and tell me to call someone during normal office hours." Hey Linksys. Fuck you.
Apr/30
2005

Wanna be

Ah the wonderful world of the internet. So full of… well… the best word to describe them is fuck-nuggets. Today’s subject is a forum poster who has decided his religious beliefs should somehow translate to how I live my life. Now, I won’t touch the topic at hand, because it’s a completely separate rant. Needless to say, he had moral conviction that his view was Right and Good and Just in the Lord. He even did the stupid capitalization of every 3rd word for effect. Now, I’m all for people having religion. I got no problem with someone telling me about their beliefs in the context of a topical discussion. If we were to talk about adultery, I can respect someone that said “My religion tells me such and such is a sin in the book of Roulette 69:69”. That is all fine and good. However, I draw the line at the next step of righteousness that spews forth. He proceeded to speak as if he knows the divine will of god, damning all heathens to hell, and insisting that we all bow down and acknowledge his religious beliefs as the one true belief. Now, I know full well that this little punk ass bitch wouldn’t have the gall to say that sort of thing if he wasn’t hiding behind anonymity. People wouldn’t stand for that kind of behavior in real life. Even the well known Jehovah’s Witnesses stop when people tell them to go away. Ok, sometimes you need a bat to get them off the porch, but the point is; they go away. Why do people act differently when they post on the internet? Why would you ever become a self righteous asshole to people that have no interest in your beliefs. I mean, when I tell someone what I believe, and they say ‘I don’t believe that’. I just say ‘its cool.’ And then the conversation has to move on to other topics. I don’t act differently online. If you think I’m an asshole in my posts it’s because I’m an asshole. Likewise if you think I’m funny or nice or whatever, it’s because that is what I am. The only part of my posts that is a persona is my name.
Apr/28
2005

on old people and cars

Ok, I realize that the US is graying and more than ever the 'working' population has the pleasure of looking fwd to older and older people behind the wheel. It seems about once a month you get to read about some Septagenarian taking out a bus stop or another fossilized homosapien punching their oversized american car though the front window of yet another donut shoppe. At least one geezer has even taken out a whole street-side market. Usually the press mentions "meds" as a possible excuse, or "confusion". There are ways to test for the impact of prescription drugs on awareness and reflexes, but how do you test for "confusion"? That's IF you could get the concept past our government that seniors should be tested on a regular basis and that while it might "infringe" on their comfort - overall safety should outweigh AARP block voting vengeance. So what happens as the generation that has shaped the US for the last 50 years decides to run amok behind the wheel? Well for starters putting a clamp on their personal mobility will be something they'll fight down to the last rubber-tipped cane. While no one likes to be dependant on alternate sources of transportation, it might help to point out that a lot of seniors move to locations where they can flock like pigeons. More often than not these are urban or suburban centers where public transportation is NOT a commodity but a given. This might infer that by being encouraged by lower fares or communal rides they might avail themselves of transportation alternatives. But, hardly. This is the US - land of the multi-vehicle heated garage with built in WIFI. We do NOT part easily with our vehicles, not even when faced with debilitating traffic jams that suck hours from our lives on a daily basis. I WILL drive my car. I WILL not share the air within the passenger compartment with anyone else even if they work at the same desk at the same time. I WILL preserve my right to burn insane amounts of irreplaceable fossil fuels with no concern on the impact to the environment or future generations. I WILL drive until I'm either incapable of finding the door handle with both hands on a sunny day or my hip replacements seize. Because this is the American way. Recently doctors and families have been put on the spot, in the role of telling older family members that they are a risk to themselves and others. It astonishes me that the states, which let you know oh-so-clearly at age 16 that driving is a privilidge and NOT a right, timidly allow people with no eye-sight or reflexes to maneuver tons of deadly metal on public roads. So until then? I'll remember to leave lots of room between myself and the little old man in a hat in front of me, and hope for the best.
Apr/27
2005

Workplace Attire?

Business casual attire is our company’s policy. Basically, we have to dress that way during the day, but after hours or week-ends we can come in casual. We’re an IT company, but our clients are not in the same building as us, so the closest we ever get to them is a phone. Now, for me, that means slacks and a collared shirt. Now, this is fine I guess. I’m much more comfortable in jeans but slacks are fine I guess. And that is what I wear when I’m in nights and weekends. When people step outsides the lines of acceptable wear, their managers generally pull them aside and inform them to dress better. However, this dress code is slightly altered for the women. Now, this is the age of enlightenment and I know I shouldn’t ever speak badly about the other sex. However, sometimes I’m baffled by the same business casual code for women. Or at least, it’s enforcement. Now, being an IT company, the male to female ratio is heavily weighted towards the males. However, that doesn’t excuse letting someone wear whatever the fuck they want. Now, I’m not a prude. I have no problem with their dress style in general. I just don’t like what they get away with while the rest of us are being chastised. Example A is my ‘documentation control administrator’. She has two types of shirts. The first is really low cut so that her breasts are practically falling out. The second is a shirt that is so tight that nothing could be left to the imagination. Neither type is technically against dress code, but I would not label either of them ‘business casual’. More like ‘heading out to a bar’. On top of that, her pants are equally annoying. First off, she can wear blue jeans whenever she wants, just so long as they’re really tight. That’s a major sticking point for me here. And the pants she does wear often leave her midriff exposed, and are so tight that I can tell what type of underwear she chose to wear that day from over 30 feet away. Example B is the floor manager. She is generally more conservative than the other lady, but at the same time, much of her wardrobe seems to break our happy business casual mold. The other day, her outfit included a shirt that was so low-cut that her bra was the center point of her outfit. Once again, she can also get away with the blue jeans every other day as she desires. As far as I can tell, the dress code here doesn’t apply if you make the manager drool as you walk by, while the rest of us get pulled aside, and spoken to if our shoes aren’t perfect enough or our pants are a touch too casual. Pointing out the discrepancy only gets a smile and a chuckle. Bah What is the point of a business casual work place anyway? I suppose I could understand if clients came through, but they don’t. It’s just a bunch of techies locked inside 4 stories of datacenter. While we avoid the cube farm, it’s a similar atmosphere. I never bought into the ‘clothing makes you work more professionally’ concept. Especially since this place is far from professional on many scales. Seems like proof that is doesn't. I dunno. I just don’t get any of it.
Apr/27
2005
Back story: Moved in to apartment with girlfriend (her idea). 8 months later, girlfriend moves out (that's the last time I get talked into that situation). Bugger. Get a roommate because I don't want to pay full rent and really want to save for a house - old friend from high school - known him since he was 15 and I roomed with him about 10 years ago. Roommate suffers from night terrors. He hadn't had one in a few years. Since he moved in, he's had two. Both resulted in hospital visits. It sucks. No one can figure it out. Sleep clinics are clueless and meds don't help. This is what he tells me. I personally, don't care enough to know the facts. It's his life, not mine. But his latest bright idea (and he has plenty of them about a great number of things, most of which are unresearched and generally crumble to dust in the light of reality) is to get a dog. Evidently some dogs (this is what he says, mind you) have been known to sense epileptic seizures (I've heard of this happening - right down to the stories of dogs who can smell cancer. It all seems fairly far fetched to me, but once again - I don't care enough to do any research on it). According to the roommate, some dogs can even help with night terrors. Or even wake a person up if they're having them. Once again - I have no clue. I would think that the dog would need to be trained for that sort of thing, but the roommate said that specific breeds are just good at it. Now, you've got to understand. As much as I don't care about the personal decisions people make for themselves, I'm at least not an unfeeling bastard. The roommate nearly put out his eye this last time around, and has some wicked scars across his face to prove it (unless he did it to himself ... those cuts always seem to be in the same spot... note to self - find out if roommate is right or left handed). So I was a bit sympathetic when he said he wanted to try the dog thing. I thought he'd do some research, figure out what he needed to do to get one and talk to me about it, since it's my apartment, and he's not even keeping up his share of the rent. I'm a sucker I guess. Instead, he comes home Saturday night with a good sized dog. We still had the cat at the time. The cat that chewed through every electric wire it could get its teeth on. Whatever warm fuzzy sound in his head that passes for logic told my roommate that this would be ok. It was not ok. I really don't want animals in my apartment. I don't want the place to smell like animals. I don't want the mess and damage that animals make. Especially a dog in an apartment. Dogs need to run around and be dogs - not stay cooped up in a kennel for half the day. I knew a couple who had a boxer and a rottweiler in a 800 sq ft apartment. I felt so sorry for those dogs. They were well cared for, but unable to really get outside and enjoy themselves. In light of me going through the roof and getting shitty with the roommate, the dog is amazingly well behaved. No barking. It sits and lays down on command, and is not the insanely over hyper jumping up gotta get its paws on you as it tries to clean off your face with its tongue sort of animal. It stays in the roommates room in a kennel and the only time I have to deal with it is when he takes it out for a walk and it tries to lick my laptop. It's not the dogs fault that my roommate is an idiot. But fuck it, whether or not I find a house to buy in the next month, that fucker is out of here in June.
Apr/26
2005
I saw this chick - the polished bleached-blonde sort. She was walking around with this thing around her neck. At first glance I thought she had on a cervical collar. Then realized, no, it was a pure white scarf. Tied around her throat so tight it looked like a damn freaky bandage. Then I looked closer and she was wearing a necklace of large pearl-like beads that hung below the "bandage". OK. I am no fashionista. And my fashion sense may be severely minimalist. But, I can not imagine where a close fitting scarf AND a necklace are appropriate. Honey, pick one please. You look like a car crash survivor trying to get your life back together.
Apr/26
2005

Inspire Me?

What is it about people that make them think they can inspire me at work? I mean, I like my job. Kinda. Ok, it is boring and all, but it’s not too stressful or anything. But all things considered, in any given day, there are 60-70 things I’d rather be doing than getting up at the ass crack of dawn and going to work. I would assume that this feeling would be expressed by nearly every person in any job ever. So, why do people constantly feel the need to drop by our area and try to inspire me to better work? I mean, literally the woman from administration today came up and chatted for a while. She started out with “Everyone happy? I don’t see smiles!” Now, those people that know me know that that kinda of happy dappy horseshit makes me want to smash her larynx in with a baseball bat. I can’t even describe how much that kind of shit pissed me of. My boss came by and told us a very inspiring story about how hard he used to have it and compared it to how wonderful things are today. Pardon me while I throw up. Occasionally we have these wonderful ‘team meetings’, ostensibly to train us in new products, but in reality they are used to try to sell us the corporate Vision. And if ever there was a load of bullshit in the world, it must be the thing they call a company vision. Has anyone ever read one of these things and suddenly had an epiphany “OMG, I see it all so clearly now! I must help them achieve this noble goal!” Come on, no one buys this bullshit. Even investors look at it and roll their eyes. Likewise, when they hire people (yes my job actually hires people to do this) to come around and talk to everyone to make sure their ‘happiness level’ is high, I feel the urge to grab a baseball bat. And yes, I shit you not; ‘happiness level’ is the exact wording he used. What is it with people? Why on earth would that sort of thing ever inspire someone to work harder? Does this ever work on people? You want me to work harder? Tell me I did a good job. Give me a raise. Maybe put a letter of commendation in my folder. But don’t pretend like I’ll be suddenly be delighted to come to work because some overly happy psycho told me to smile more.
Apr/25
2005
I work for a very large organization. The press frequently has interest in what we do. Peons like me are not allowed to talk to the press, so we have a Public Affairs Office. Lucky us. Most of the staff of the PAO are just paranoid little lap doggies of the management. That's fine. That's their job. However, the person assigned to us is also humorless and dumb as a sack of rocks. She has worked with our program for over 10 yrs and in that time has only absorbed a smidgen of understanding. Seeing what she gleams out of what I tell her makes me doubt everything I read in the press. She even had a flash of brilliance for a moment that lost its shine when she finally got it on paper. So remember this the next time you read a newspaper. Press releases are typically homogenized and pasteurized versions of the real story. Perhaps not a lie, but certainly lacking depth. And that is assuming the person entrusted with the message actually understands!
Apr/25
2005
I hate lists. I hate people who live their lives around lists. What I hate even more is lists of lists, like that stupid side-bar from Amazon. It makes me want to scream at the people posting their lists "FFS Why do YOU think I CARE about your opinion and tastes enough to actually WANT TO READ some snippet of your likes?" It's like having a runny nose and getting handed someone else’s used tissue. It's disgusting. To wit, there is nothing more appropriate than making a list of things I hate. Lets go Van Gogh... 1. Assholes in big cars. I actually wanted to say stupid, bleached to the brain, wrinkly, bimbos on cell phones driving Cadillac SUVs on cell phones... but then I realized that I also hated fake-tan, hair-lubed, fags with expensive Oakleys (that don't look good on them) on cell phones in oversized "sport" pickup trucks. It's all the same. These mindless mutherphuckers couldn't care less that your eyeballs are at the height of their bumper and that as they chat emptily they're heading for the decapitation zone of the vehicles around them. Somehow assholes are easier to take when they're driving smaller cars, ones that can't kill you if the driver sneezes and yanks the wheel at the wrong time rolling their vehicle to pancake the 2 lanes of cars to their right. If vengeful aliens ever do decide to descend from the heavens some day, I can only hope they won't obliterate our species after trying to understand why we haven't voluntarily terminated these imbeciles. 2. Evangelists. Bright-eyed fanatics with little or no concern for the tolerance of their fellow being. These people will, at no invitation, spew rhetoric that is the very foundation of their need to exist. Fearing these individuals is not sufficient. Sufficiency results from the repeated application of a water-logged 2x4 to their cranium until silence results. 3. Huge, arrogant institutions. Microsoft. Our Government. University Administrators.... you name it. These behemoths of mediocrity not only determine our futures in many respects, they also consider us unfit to participate in the process. 'We know what you need, you don't. We know how you should get from point A to point B, because you're too stupid to figure it out on your own.' The masses may be asses, but in the US we're entitled to that privilege. So fuck off. 4. Frightening children’s shows involving people in costumes. 5. TV advertisements for cheap products. I figure anyone watching a "shopping network" (shudder) deserves to get their brains liquefied by the gut churning drivel that's presented. However I have yet to determine what deity I have offended to warrant the mental abuse of 'Ronco' products and their brethren. If the deity would make its self known to me I will promptly make amends. Small animal sacrifices included. 6. Hippies. No we can't all "just get along". Get over it. 7. Really, really ugly rich ladies. The kinds with the deep tan that matches their crocodile handbags. Offensively baroque gold jewelry and corpulent vehicles. They look like the walking embalmed and sound about as intelligent. Give me a good, withered old Queen in drag any day over one of those. 8. Organized religions. If God is all mighty then why does he need to speak through someone? You figure he could just get on the line to anyone he wanted to - in fact the more nasty you are the more direct he should want to be right? I'm sure I'll read about it the next time some Enron-esque asshole steals everyone's money AND gets hit by lightening. Likely. Not. 9. Pro-life activists. Click here for related post.... 10. Men with guns. Hate, fear, it's all the same. I can't imagine seeing a man with a gun that would lend me any degree of comfort under any circumstances. Regardless of how he's dressed. props to John Waters
Apr/23
2005
Props to the Catholic Church for picking someone whose own country doesn't even like him. Maybe they're thinking that because he's old he won't last long.... Apparently the world isn't conservatively-repressive enough, it needs to be more openly hostile to the average person. So much for the cognoscenti and their intelligent master plan. Someone needs to give the Masons a good kick in the ass...
Apr/22
2005
I was standing in my bathroom and I heard music - loud music. Although I do have neighbors I can see, my neighborhood is typically quiet. So hearing loud music caused me to investigate. Turns out the "debutantes" must be home and Mommy and Daddy must not. The "debutantes" are two teenage girls (one in college and one in high school) who have probably never had to exert themselves enough to break a fingernail. The only way they break a sweat is when the sun gets a little hot while they sunbathe by the pool. The loud music? They are hanging out by the pool blasting the radio. Even though it is freaking 50 degrees out and the opening of the pool is about a month away. Oh the joys of summer start early this year.
Apr/21
2005
4.5 hour wait in SanDiego, boarding at 11pm pst (2am est)... flight to O'Hare the pleasure spot of the U.S. ... a veritable Shangrila of comfort and opulance. 1.5 hours wait in Chicago - econo-scrunch back to MA. Arrive some insane time in the morning.
Apr/21
2005
I just stopped at Walmart. After wading through the people who looked like their parents may have met at the family reunion or spent their entire childhood chewing on a window sill painted with lead paint, I headed to the check out. Since it is a SuperCenter, every register has people with enough groceries to last until the next winter. I pick a line. The cashier says: "Your the last one. Boy that went quick!" I wasn't quite sure what she meant, because when I was a cashier, quick typically wasn't associated with how my day went. Then she got to me, and she said "Ya know, I just get scanning and chatting and time just flies!" I didn't get the impression she was just some bubble head. She may not ever win a Nobel Prize, but she seemed normal enough. I will admit, her attitude was infectious. I walked a bit lighter out of the store than I went. Now I just have to figure out how to be that optimistic and positive myself.
Apr/20
2005
For your listening pleasure: N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton with all of the non-offensive words removed. It's actually quite short.
Apr/18
2005

Glad this day is over

Was today the worst day of my life? - No, not close. However it was pretty damn annoying, even for a Monday. Only got one thing that I intended to do today done because I spent the whole damn day in phone call hell. First annoying thing: Recently, I have been made low to mid-level management in my office. There are four staff that report directly or indirectly to me, three of them are brand-spanking, wet-behind-the-ears new. I relegated one of my lesser projects to one of the newbies, but Ineeded to be present for a conference call on it. Supposed to be two hours, so newbie gets a conference room for two hours. Two hours are over, we are obviously far from over and the people who have the conference room after us are loitering in the hall. I inform the parties that we are being evicted, they keep talking. Mind you, most of what is being discussed has nothing to do with us. I assert myself and ask if our presence is required and I am told "yes". I tell them to call back in a half hour and hopefully we will have found a new home, which we do. How long did the conference call last? Five fucking hours. I dodged the last 1 1/2 and told newbie, you need me you know where I am. During that time monotone consultant keep going and "here", obviously pointing to map. I finally said "where?", to which he replies "northeast corner". Guess what, dumb ass consultant does not have north arrow on any map. Furthermore, jack ass asks for guidance on a point, and I tell them where they can find it in writing, but obviously they want it spoon feed. Second annoying thing: I have a project where there have been numerous odor issues. The whole neighborhood gets stinky at least once a week and I get a couple of calls complaining. Today there were seven messages for me and they were pissed. Not that I blame them. I'm pretty damn pissed myself, and I don't live there. So, i spent my "spare time" calling and finding out what happened this time and returning phone calls to these pissed-off people. Third annoying thing: I am meeting with a community about an issue this week. One entity thinks that just because the issue was raised at their meeting and that it happens to be with people from their neighborhood that they should have been informed of the meeting. I'm not even the one organizing or speaking at the meeting. Wah, wah, wah, had to listen to them complain. Well guess what, it ain't my party and they ain't invited. I politely told them to sit on it an rotate. The damn CEO is a nob anyway. The entity didn't appreciate it. I'm sleeping on their lengthy response to me that their likely over paid PR person e-mailed. If I didn't save it till tomorrow I may say something I would later regret. And what's the one thing I got done - I called some people to make sure they knew about the meeting this week. Not my worst day, but I was really getting sick of being on the phone. If the phone rings tonight - the machine's getting it. Even if its Mom.