Goddamit use the bloody fucking turn signal you stinking retard.


Why April 13th Sucked

It's a long story. A very long story. It's a long story as to why I have a roommate when I prefer to live alone (it involves ex-girlfriends - lots of drama there). It's a long story as to why the roommate had to go to the hospital earlier in the day (it involves a sleep disorder and a large screen TV) and it's a bit of a story as to why he has a cat when I asked that no pets come into the apartment, especially since the roommate has trouble taking care of himself, let alone an animal.

I love cats. They're pretty cool. When they're not being complete assholes. This thing has got to go.

We discovered that this beast has been chewing on the power cables to various things. Cats do that. I know this. But this cat has chewed right fucking through the power cord to the cable modem, the power cord to the cordless phone charger, and my pair of headphones I use for gaming.

So last night, after examining the stitches scrawled across my roommates face, we discover all of these various chewed items when we had no power to the cable modem. I took a closer look at other cables in the house to find bite marks on just about everything. Fuck you cat. I have thumbs. You lose.

I really don't care about the cats needs, if it's acting out, or how to train it not to do this. The fact remains that my shit keeps getting torn up by other people and their pets that I have taken into my home - and at some times financially supported!

It's not just his cat - it's my roommate himeself, it's my exs cats, it's my ex herself (who, for example, regarded my desire to keep my car in decent condition as "annoying") - it's everyone who hasn't given a shit about the material possessions that I worked hard to get (for anyone who has trouble with me placing such value on material possessions, fuck off). Through my generosity, I continue to get the shaft.

He's outta here. The cat's outta here. I'm outta here.



You ever hear the same story from several perspectives and end up with totally different primary story lines?

Take for example the following story from my workplace. One of our clients has been very unhappy with us recently. They thought we were incompetent. The reason they believed that was caused by a massive communication barrier. Namely, we’re not allowed to talk to them directly. Instead we have to communicate to them through the account service team. This team isn’t very bright, and blames my group for many of their failings. So anyway, recently we’ve finally managed to finagle our way into directly contacting the client. And soon there after, our relations have improved and the client likes us again.

So, that’s the background for our little story. Today, this client sent a bunch of top level technical and management to inspect our site and get a proposal for future improvements. So, here are the perspectives:

My boss and my director (his boss) came out and told me that the presentation went great. The clients were really impressed with our development team, the qualifications of the analyst team, and the engineering staff, as well as our communication and procedural efforts to please them.

The development team comes out and tells us that they single-handedly saved this client by giving them a proposal that perfectly fit their needs. They said the client was so impressed with the development direction, they decided right then to retain our services.

The engineers came out and said that the client said that they were really impressed with what they saw from our engineering teams now that the Account Service Team wasn’t in the way. The engineers claim this really improved the client’s perspective of our service.

The analysts said that the extra work they had done to target this client had finally paid off dividends. They were pleased with the analysts’ response times, and information gathered.

Four perspectives, all claiming victory. Which I suppose is all that matters in the end, but I find it amusing that each version make themselves to be the hero.

Just amusing I suppose.


The roads around here suck.

This is not news, nor would I imagine that there are many places where this would not be true. But recently, I think people have been going out of their way to make things worse.. And for once, it’s the not the drivers that seem to be the problem. The department of transportation is the guilty party here.

First off, their civil engineers or architects or designers or whatever the fuck you call them are on drugs. Not a little pot on the side either. Hardcore, sunken eyeball, needle can’t go in the arm anymore because the vein collapsed, mind evaporated drug users. No one else could dream this shit up. The most amazing part is the entire department must be on the same addiction plan. Because someone dreams up the really bad idea, someone else agrees with them, more people all sign off on the idea and a group of people actually work together to make the steaming pile of an idea come to life.

It’s tragic. They make parking lots with 8 entrances, but only one exit. They decide to build an overpass that just dumps you right back where you were before you got on it. They install lights that only serve to stop already slow traffic. They approve million dollar projects to slightly alter the color of warning signs from yellow to slightly brighter yellow. They think that 4 lane circles are somehow an improvement over intersections. Or that jug handles somehow improve a driver’s day because they don’t have to turn left.

What else? Try this on for size. One of the roads near where I work is a long uphill asphalt road with one lane in each direction. It’s 35mph most of the way and 45mph the rest. Now, I drive this daily, and the road had a few very minor bumps in it. No big deal. About a year ago, they decided it needed some improvement work. Fine, I can deal with that; what are they planning? Well, I don’t know. I honestly don’t. They came along and for 4 weeks, they cut out sections of road and filled them in with concrete. Now, these sections of road do not go all the way across the road. They are about ¾ of a lane across, and are uniformly placed in the road. Some in the middle, some on the right, some on the left. There are in both lanes. I watched them work. All they did was take the asphalt out, dig down six inches and then pour concrete. But, they didn’t do that very well, so the concrete isn’t the same height as the road. So, there are hundreds and hundreds of concrete bumps in the road where before, there was relatively smooth asphalt.

But, they one upped me this week. They decided to do MORE construction on this once ideal road. I still haven’t figured out what they’re doing, but I know the close the one lane of the road at 7am and reopen it at 10. Then they close the other lane at noon and reopen it at 2. Then it’s back to the first lane at 4 and finish up around 7. This is otherwise known as hitting every major rush hour for this road. I can’t even begin to fathom that schedule on a fairly busy road. So, now, hour-plus long backups are becoming a common occurrence on my way to work.

What are they doing? Damned if I can tell. Looks like they’re cutting more concrete notches in the road. But this time instead of parallel to the road, they are at a 45 degree diagonal. I have no idea.

But I really wish they’d stop.


Ok time to break it down here.

short form:
3rd world men are inferior creatures either due to the nature or the nurturing of an intrinsic hatred for women.

long form:
Take the sub-continent, take all of Africa, take portions of South America, take some of Asia... lol, it doesn't leave much does it? But in all those areas women are less than men. Understatement. Women are badly mistreated tools. Tools for sex. Tools for free labor. Tools for abuse.

My hypothesis is that some of this misogenistic behavior stems from genetic inferiority. Cultural? Maybe. Gender related? Definately. Rather like a super targeted Sickle Cell Anemia.

Back up a sec here. Consider that women have XX chomsones. Consider that Men have XY. Already, all men are at a disadvantage, missing an eigth of the genetic material that women have. So what's on that missing segment?

If you take men as an entire species and look at the obvious statistics it might be easy to guess that the ability to solve things peacefully, the ability to assert self-control, the ability to empathsize are either woefully degraded or missing entirely. Yes, men make up over 98% of the people in prison for violent crimes. There's nothing to really wonder about there. But when you take those statistics to the "3rd" world nations they paint an even starker picture.

I propose that these missing social and humitarian skills are a result of a fucked up genetic selection amplified by a social code that admires and even rewards misogenistic behavior.

To simplify - when you're too stupid to figure out how to improve your life, the next best thing is to beat up on someone weaker than you. Better yet make it accepted. Even better, make some laws that make it legal. Yeah sure we live in poverty. Yeah sure we'd rather spend our little money on guns to fight everyone else, but as long as I can slap them bitches who cares about squalor, social order or even stability?

What differentiates men from the northern continents?

Well a healthy respect for intelligence for one. I propose that 1st world nations, in recognizing that muscle is less than brain have bred their societies, have bred their males for one thing - brains. And it's that cerebral power that has enabled them to become a first world. It would seem that 3rd world nations might learn though demonstration how to emulate the more successful societies. But they don't.

The downside is the 3rd world nations breed faster, again directly related to the oppression of women through the witholding of independance over reproduction. They want, and will try to either disrupt the harmony of the 1st world nations though intimidation, immigration, or global disruption. They have made the banner of 30 virgins in heaven their rallying cry (what kind of total fucktard would actually believe the idea? I mean get real, even the littlest child understands of being paid for work upfront, not tomorrow, not in an afterlife. What if they only get 26 virgins? Do they lose a few for style points? And where exactly do these virgins come from? They certainly don't let any exist in their society for long.) With any luck they'll get up to heaven only to find the virgins they were promised are themselves, along with the other genetically-defective morons that came before them.


It's like a knife to the inner ear!

Worse than a dentist drill - grinding away at your teeth, sending shattering vibrations to the bone structure around your eyes - they're doing SOMETHING upstairs and it has been going on for far too long.


Curse You Cookie!

Do you ever look at the fortune in a Fortune Cookie and just think "Well... no shit"?


It's not that hard people

"Can I take your order?"
"I would like a number 3 combo meal, please"
"For here or to go?"
"Would you like to mega-gigantic-colossal size it for three times the grease?"

Such a simple interaction. It's not hard to do.

It's really not. I go to the fast food joint, I place an order for a combo meal. Sandwich, fries, and a drink. You make a thousand of them a day. So, when I ask for one, it shouldn't come as a shock. It also shouldn't involve a sigh and an eye roll. Further, it shouldn't take you five minutes of peering at your register to find the appropriate button to press. All the combos are grouped together, it's not like they're hiding. I'm sure they've even got pictures on the menu now so you don't even have to read.

Lets take a deeper look at this particular case. This combo meal costs $4.84 or something. I hand you a ten. You press the button for a $10 bill, and the drawer opens. What to do, what to do? Well, the change machine is ahead of you. It’s already spit out my 16 cents into the cup. So, you don’t have to count the change out. You just have to grab $5 out of the cash drawer. You don’t have to do the very complicated math in your head because it’s displayed on your register, conveniently so both you and I can see it. So, naturally I’m confused when this takes 2 people. You and the lady next to you peering into your drawer like it was the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen. I’m dumbfounded. After careful consideration, you two put your collective IQ together, have a brief discussion about what to do, and decide to hand me a five dollar bill. Impressive, I suppose.

On top of all that, it should take less than 10 minutes for you to procure said items. Why did it take you 4 minutes to grab my fries? They were already cooked. Grab the scoop, use it to fill a box with starchy goodness, bring the box to me. What happened to confuse you when you went over to grab my sandwich out of the bin. You gave them plenty of time to make it while you pondered the complexities of a five dollar bill. So, why did you pause and stare at it for 3 minutes like it had grown wings? Filling a fry box with fries from the warming bin takes at most 45 seconds. Grabbing the pre-made sandwich can’t take 15 second to complete. Total time less than a minute, right? Fast food, right? Then, simply place them on the tray. Yes the tray. When you asked "For here or to go", I said "Here". I said it clearly, and with a smile. Why do you have a bag? Think hard. On second thought, I don't want to overly stress you out. Just give me the fucking bag.

Sure, I understand it’s a crappy job, but hey, everyone has to work a crappy job at some point in their life. I’ve been there. I did the fast food bit for over a year. It sucked, but that doesn’t mean you get to be incompetent at it. It’s amazingly simple to do. The only complicated part of the job I the meal rushes, and let’s be honest, at 9:30 at night, it’s not that much of a hassle to take care of one guy in the lobby.

But, returning to the attitude problem, why do you eye roll when I come up to the counter? Is it REALLY that much of a hassle to actually do your job? I don’t like my job now, but I do it. I hated fast food back when I did it, but you make the best of it. Maybe you just had a bad day or something, but when a customer comes up and smiles friendly at you, and makes his request as simple and painless as possible… you should at least try to act like it’s not the most agonizingly painful thing you’ve ever had to do. Because, let me tell you, I’m a creative mother fucker. If you like, I am more than willing to demonstrate what a really annoying customer can be like. After about the tenth or twelfth time I brought my food back and demanded to talk to your manager, I’m sure your evening could be worse. So, buck up and do your fucking job, especially when it’s an otherwise simplistic request.



If you really want to sell that over-priced hunk of shack you pretend is a house for fifty thousand more than it's really worth, take a fucking picture of it.


I have the insatiable urge, whenever I see an SUV on the road and some chinless twant with bleached blonde hair (or just as often some pallid, white-collar, shrimp-dick type) behind the wheel to scream at them to please, please, please find an open section of road and jerk the wheel as hard as they can to the right. I make this voodoo-motions of a vehicle rolling over as I pass them in the hopes that maybe some of the jinx bait will stick and they'll find themselves head down in a ditch.


Well I have yet to understand the mentality that says to the owner "hey, look I can pay a huge-ass loan on this behemoth, guzzle 3 generations of gas AND auto-kill anyone I choose to run into in a sensible vehcile. YES I R TEH KING 4ND I R TEH R0Ad PWN0RS. BIG. I R TEH BIG!!!!"

When you talk to these types, if you can understand them around the drool, it's never that they -wanted- an oversized vehicle to make up for their inadequacies (or for the women, their husbands inadequacies) it's that they NEEDED it.

Lol white boy - you needed it for what? That pothole you just slowed down to 2 miles an hour to go over? Wait, wait, let me guess, you needed it for that snowy driveway you get plowed? Or hang on, because your SO and 2 kids were too cramped in the Subaru wagon you had before?

"..it's so embarassing, I backed over the neighbors mailbox for a second time.." said one pathetic housewife, stay at home mom (with her kids in daycare all day) to another. For real. The same woman who can't see me when I'm on my motorcycle and decides to pull out blindly into the street because she's in the biggest thing this side of an aircraft carrier.

Americans are fat.

Not phat. fat.

Our livestyles would be an embarrassment to anyone with the sense of discretion to look in a mirror once in a while. Driving around 6' off the ground in multi-ton vehicles that cost an entire 3rd world villages allowance of energy because we can is endemic of our self indulgent attitudes.

I had the hope that at over $2 a gallon people would think twice about putting in over $50 at the pump to sit in traffic and pollute the air. I had hoped that hitting people in the wallet might jog their brain.

The mistake there was presuming they had a brain to begin with...



I have a friend, who I'll call Gretchen to protect the guilty. Gretchen used to claim to love animals. Collected them to the point of near insanity. But she took care of them (and helped keep Agway in business, I'm sure) and they certainly had a better life than if they were dead. She's had mice, rats, hamsters, lots of chickens (of whom only a few pesky rosters causing a ruckass in the hen house wound up on anyones table), ducks, turkeys, rabbits, more cats than can be counted, packs of dogs, and birds of many shapes and sizes.

Now all of a sudden, she "wishes the cats would all go way" and has stopped feeding them. Lucky for the cats, they are outside and hopefully have access to many mice. These are cats who she brought home or are decedents of cats she brought home. Who she feed and talked to. Who she claimed to loved too much to let me have kitten two years ago when I lost my beloved cat. The one cat "lucky enough" to have indoor status, is relegated to a 4 ft X 8 ft laundry room. Which evidently poor kitty doesn't keep tidy enough.

All started with the birth of her son, who I will call Karl. Gretchen, her husband, whom I'll call Johnnie, and Karl came to visit one weekend. Gretchen was aware that I have three cats and my parents, who were staying with me, had a very loving smallish dog. Four animals in one house, no matter what size the house, makes for much excess fur and hair floating around unless you have a cleaning staff that rivals Martha Stewart's.

Gretchen spent the better part of the weekend picking cat hair off little Karl, who was about 6 mo. at the time. Not walking yet, but certainly not a fragile little flower. Quite a little bruiser in fact. When Gretchen was not preening the little prince, who spent every waking moment being held by Gretchen or Johnnie, she was trying to shoos my cats away from Karl. My cats hadn't seen a baby before and were curious. My cats are not the come at you with all claws bared hissing sort, so safety was not a factor. Karl was perfectly safe with my cats. It was entirely Gretchen's perceived "ick factor". My cats were icky, they had icky hair that clinged to her little prince. How dare even a strand rest upon his precious body. She even caused my cat to fall in a potentially injurious way, during one of the shoo shes. Lucky for her, kitty was fine.

The telling moment, when I knew I did not know Gretchen anymore, was when Gretchen, Johnnie and Karl had been gone on a road trip most of the day. My parents dog was ecstatic to see them come home. She greeted everyone with amble enthusiasm. Well, doggies have major ick factor too, you know. When my parents dog tried to give Karl a kiss, Gretchen kicked at the dog. Yes, kicked, and quite energetically I might add. Thank god she didn't connect because it would have been quite painful for the 30 lb. dog. This was not even a sloppy face kiss, it was aimed at the prince's arm and doggie never connected. Last I checked, babies, even princely ones, are washable with soap and warm water. Needless to say my parents were offended. I was appalled that she would attempt to inflict pain upon a animal that was offering nothing but love.

Deep down this has put a strain on our relationship from my end. I do not think I know this woman anymore. How could I have known her for most of my life and not know her at all? I also hoped she'd snap out of it. Howver, the kid is now 2 yrs and we have the latest "wish the cats would go away" attitude. So the return of her brain is no where in sight.

It also frightens me. If I ever have children will I turn into some strange creature that my friends will no longer recognize? Will I chuck all that I consider sane at this moment out the window and replace it with "must-protect-baby-at-all-costs" mindlessness?



Why on earth would parents name thier children such OBVIOUSLY bad names?

I just got of the phone with a Harry Ballski, pronounced just like it looks. I had to check out to spell his name in the employee database because I swore I must have heard him wrong. Who would do that to thier child.

I mean... Moon Unit Zappa is one thing. Hippy inspired names are silly, but ok. But I can't even IMAGINE the hell this man went through as a child.

What are they thinking? That somehow he'll look back fondly on his parents and laugh? I'd consider parenticide, and if I did manage to get through it without killing them, I'd change my name the day I turned 18.

A quick search of google finds lists of equally bad names. Mi Hardin. Tara Himen. Rod Holder. Jack Goff. Assuming they're real (and the website I just grabbed those off of had links to public records) what the hell? Who could hate thier child that much? What sadoistic parents looks at their little bundle of joy and says "I'm going to make you a joke to everyone you meet".

Do people really hate thier children that much?


Death of PC Games

In the past two weeks, I've heard about a dozen people telling me that PC games are dying. They love to point out how many more console games are made, and how much better the new consoles will be than anything that has ever existed before, and how much simpler life is with a controller. Then they point out in intricate detail how complicated and difficult PCs are to use.

To these people I say this: Fuck off already.

There are lots of reasons I don't think PC gaming is dying. I admit it's going through some slow growth right now, and I admit that consoles sell better. These are things that can be safely assumed, and can probably be proven if you're bored enough. However, this does not lead one to the conclusion that PC games are on their deathbed, or even walking toward it.

People like support this claim with the fact that more games are made for them; thus it signifies a shift in gaming. But, despite massive growth in console games, there is only a minor downward shift in PC games. This signifies that most of the console gamers are new gamers, not converted gamers.

As for the PC versus console debate, I've seen some really stupid discussions on that. I've heard people claim that PS2/XBOX preformed better than any available PC at the time of release. I've heard people claim that controllers offer better control than a mouse keyboard. And I've heard people say that PCs are better in every category.

Beyond the fact those are opinions, they don't dramatically mean anything about the life and death of a type of gaming. The fact of the matter is that consoles have certain genre's they just do better. Mortal Combat style games never took off in the PC world. Sports games have a larger following in the console market as well. RTS and FPS games are largely a PC dominated market. Niches are carved out for a reason.

Like I said, if you want to talk to someone about the death of PC games, tell someone else. I'll be over in the corner loading up Unreal.


shiny, pretty and new

"WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush's standing with the public is slumping just three months into his final term, but Americans have an even lower regard for the job being done by Congress. Bush's job approval is at 44 percent, with 54 percent disapproving. Only 37 percent have a favorable opinion of the work being done by the Republican-controlled Congress, according to an AP-Ipsos poll."

Amazing isn't it?

3 months after they put money down on that new government, the one that sold them on their "family values", the one that sold them on their "patriotism" Americans are overall disenchanted with the people they elected.

Hold on - who is 'they'?

It wasn't me. I voted for the other guy, you know the one with the education? The guy who actually got shot at in a war on foreign soil? That one. The one who actually understands the value of what he says and has the qualiy of character to admit when the wool had been pulled over his eyes.

Yes it takes a big man to make big decisions. But it takes an even bigger on to admit he fucked up and pay the price.

So what happened that Americans are so unhappy with their selection? Did the cheap, shiny plastic veneer wear off? Did they suddenly realize that the people they chose on the basis of glossy slogans and smarmy, patriarchial rhetoric NOT actually have their interests in mind? Instead the people they chose to elect are intent on wasting time pandering to the morally-uber? Qu'elle surprise.

They judged a president and congress by it's cover.

And now we're all getting stuck with the results.


This should be obvious

If we're going to pray for anyone, it sure as hell shouldn't be the Pope. Why would whatever god there might be ever listen to Billy Joe Jack over the guy who is supposed to have a direct line to the almighty? If you ask me, the old man was praying for death and the invisible monster in the sky listened to him and not everyone else. I know this smacks of a bad stand-up routine, but please - if there ever was a fire and forget funeral for the faithful - it should be the Pope's.

"Ole John Paul?" the priest might say, "Enh - he'll be ok where he's going. No worries there...."

Unless he was a complete bastard.

Which is just as likely as anything.



I have a mug. It's black. It says on it "mit.edu".

I don't like the mug very much.

Today I filled it with dirt and put a plant in it.

I think this is good.


Internet Filters

Anyone else have internet filters at work? Most people do. Nice little programs that prevent people from downloading warez or porn at work. Totally understandable and acceptable filters. Yeah, we have those. Company of twenty thousand people, that sort of thing is totally understandable, because there will always be that guy that trys to do bad stuff at work.

However, someone nutjob last week decided that standard filters were not enough. We had to have MORE MORE MORE!!!!! So they turned on filters that block a lot of your daily readings. E-comics, blogs (but not this one!!!), forums, joke sites. The things that everyone hops onto for a few minutes everyday after lunch or whatever. And I was not happy. My twelve hour day consists of 2 hours of work spaced out over the entire day. That mean's I've got 10 hours to fill. My boss knows, and understands. Even encourages us to seek out diversions to keep us doing something instead of falling asleep being bored.

But, that was not enough either. Still more must be filtered. More must be blocked! They must stop people from using the internet for nonwork purposes!!! So, more sites have been added. And this.. this is where my problem comes in. They've gone to far. Now they're not only blocking stuff like ebaumsworld, they're blocking half the freaking internet. Zdnet.com... gone. MSNBC... blocked. Tom's hardware.. zapped. Amazon.com... off. Redhat.. closed source now. The list goes on. And on.

I don't get it. I understand the simple stuff. You don't want people going places they shouldn't be. But damn it, I work for a computer company. We specialize in computer services. Occasionally, zdnet or toms has useful information about a part or technology. Sometimes amazon has a tech book that we want to add to our library. And half of our devices run on one form of linux or another. I can make legitimate business cases for these things.

So, I talked to my manager, and together we call up and ask 'WTF?' The reply? "That sort of thing will be settled on a case to case single use basis." Isn't that some happy horseshit? I mean, damn people. Loosen the hell up. There can't be that many people chunking off hours on some of these sites. So now, if I want the new O'Reilly book, I gotta call up and get them to allow me a 1 hour access to amazon. If I have a problem with a redhat device, I have to rely on other sites of information, or call them and go through the paperwork each and every time.

This ranks up there with the single most asinine managerial decision it's been my displeasure to be a part of.