u235

I love flying in planes. Yes, it's hard to inflect tone in the written word but that first sentence was dripping sarcasm. Still there's something better than actually flying in a plane - it's going to the bathroom in one. Claustrophobics probably have a field day on a plane, locking themselves into a space smaller than a coffin with not enough room to drop your drawers much less get them back up when you're done.

The floors are sticky, the seat is wet, the sink is slopped with damp paper, the whole "convenience" smells, yeah it's a veritable paradise. And the best part is - you're controlled as to when you can go. Locking yourself in this flying cesspool is a privilege, not a right you must remember. And the stewardesses, direct descendants of Cerberus himself, control the access to these "gates of relief".

Now depending on the length of my flight, and the number of rounds made for in-flight beverages, I time my trips for the lightest number of people waiting. Good times are at the start and climax of the movie (if there is one), or midway through the flight. Bad times are at the start, end or right after the movie.

I feel bad for the people that get hammered by aggressive stewards and stewardesses. Most of the time they seem to be ok with people queuing for the loo, but sometimes they're nasty and generally if the fasten seatbelt sign is on - you'd better make a dive for the unoccupied spot before someone else gets in there and you get sent back to your seat.

On my last flight that happened to two women who were told very forcefully that they had to return to their seat because the sign was on and the lavatory was full. Both made protestations that they really, desperately had to go. And in both cases when the current occupant left the stewardesses made no attempt to let them know it was free - thus they waited a good thirty to forty minutes before they had the chance.

I think there should be a system wherein if the restroom is full and you're not allowed to wait - they hand you a chit, ticket, token or whatever, to prove you're next in line. That way you can guarantee that you get to go next, no matter what and you can't get usurped in a desperate situation.

I read an article about some guy who relieved himself in a barf bag. See? Now that's the kind of thing we're trying to avoid....