u235

I nearly fell out of my chair this morning when I read this one:

U.S. Wants Companies to Keep Web Usage Records

The Justice Department is asking Internet companies to keep records on the Web-surfing activities of their customers to aid law enforcement, and may propose legislation to force them to do so.

The director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Robert S. Mueller III, and Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales held a meeting in Washington last Friday where they offered a general proposal on record-keeping to a group of senior executives from Internet companies, said Brian Roehrkasse, a spokesman for the department. The meeting included representatives from America Online, Microsoft, Google, Verizon and Comcast.

I really had a hard time getting past the first paragraph. Honestly it makes me so insanely mad that I have a hard time not sputtering epithets incoherently. In fact humor me here, I have to... just to get it out of my system, but I'll try and start politely.

Dear Mr.Mueller and Gonzales, were you always fucking douche bags or was it something you had to learn? A true civil servant wouldn't look for access to rump-fuck our American privacy with a cake server. Can you even understand that your idiotic attempts to rip into our daily lives through copying our phone records, monitoring what books we check out of the library and FUCKING TRAILING US THROUGH THE NET is so amazingly retarded that it shows just how unqualified you are for your jobs? Ok that said, back to the less abrasive side of things.

You know it's charming, in a retarded-kids having sex kinda way how they keep trying to make the same asinine mistakes over and over. The whole collection of calling data was idiotic. It's too much data to actually learn anything from. They haven't seemed to grasp the concept even though it's been spelled out for them. And now they're trying to do the same thing all over again.

Keep track of web surfing activities? Hello? STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. Just look at a fucking history file - how big it gets for one person. Then multiply that times all the users a company has? Again it's volumes and volumes of data. 99.9999% meaningless. Are they going to check every site on every list to see if it has "subversive material"? You sure the fuck can't tell by the name that www.strawberryshortcake.com might be a site about dolls, hentai or blowing up the SF Bay Bridge.

There's redirects. There's computers in freekin Finland that you can hide your browsing. There's software you can use that scrambles your urls. WHAT THE FUCKING GAY YOU MORONS. Again you can tell these idiots had no idea about the volume of data they just asked for, nor how to make it meaningful... not that you ever could.

Personally I have a great idea. I think that AOL -should- set these guys up with a 30 day free version of just what they asked for, and simply email all the data to their accounts at work and at home. And do it every second. Maybe the massively huge, router crushing inundation of data will teach them once and for all what drinking from a fire hose is all about....