Category: "Ha ha ha ha Fuck you"

Feb/05
2016
Message to all Apple iPhone users: Apple not only owns that phone you bought but all the data on it. How's that for privacy?
The latest software update for iPhone 6 handsets is allegedly rendering the devices useless if it detects repairs not carried out by Apple. The problem is known as "error 53" and has appeared in Apple products before. The Guardian reports that users' phones were disabled after the Touch ID home button was repaired by a non-Apple engineer.[..] t Apple's discussion forums, one user named wallihall wrote: "With this update I'm unable to use the phone, and still have to pay for the phone itself. "I did get the front screen replaced, and I understand that it's now considered "tampered with", but at least let me use my iPhone on the old IOS system... I can't retrieve old photos or important documents I once had." Apple told the paper that iPhone software checks whether any repairs were authorised by Apple. (BBC)
Frankly I don't get the whole cult of Apple thing. Back in the 90's I was a hardcore Mac user. I worked, played and coded on the Mac. That was ok, but times and jobs changed and I moved over to Windows, Unix, etc. and moved on. What I'm saying is that I had my flirt with the insular world of Apple and stepped out, not because I was dissatisfied or forced to, but because I could. I have the distinct feeling that if I were to do that today Apple would send a hit squad to my house to rough me up and take back all the equipment I'd bought from them. Ever. (Frankly they can have the damn Newton, it was stupid to begin with.) People depend on their phones, and people also drop and break their phones. Since it's a royal pain (and royally expensive) to get a phone serviced by the manufacturer, finding a small shop to do the repairs at a fraction of the cost right in front of your nose is the the preferred course. Apple was offended that users might deign to give their money to someone else to fix their device. They were offended that users might even CONSIDER that option. And they were also upset that it was pennies that were not going into their pockets. So Apple did what it wanted, consumers be fucked, because Apple users are fucking spineless sheep who will shell out fantastic money for a product which, at the end of the day, really isn't all that much different than a Samsung, HTC, Sony or whatever brand phone. To this I have one word for iPhone users: SUCKERS!
Jan/31
2016
Dunno what YOU were thinking, I'm talking about vegetables here. And no, not of the political kind.
ROCKY MOUNT, N.C. (AP) -- Authorities say a tractor-trailer crash overturned on Interstate 95 in North Carolina and spilled hundreds of heads of cabbage that took hours to clear away.
And nobody thought to run a rototiller up and down the road and make slaw instead? Talk about your missed opportunities...
Jan/29
2016
Hashtag this bitches: WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER MUSLIM WOMEN WHO SUFFER?
It's not clear what exact words David Cameron used in private conversation but many Muslim women have taken to Twitter to tell him that they are not quite the timid creatures he is reported to have portrayed them as. Using the hashtag #TraditionallySubmissive some have posted pictures of themselves and their achievements to politely put the British prime minister straight. (BBC)
So a handful of muslim women in headscarves sure showed the rest of the world about how they work and play like normal first-world women. Wow education! Oooh fancy skiis! Only problem is if they're so damn liberated then what are they doing about all the muslim women who aren't? What are they doing about arranged marriages of underage girls? About FGM? About a lack of education? About representation in Islamic government? About burnings and beatings and murder? Those girls suckered into going to Syria? And those who can't drive? Or leave their home? Show their faces in public? Answer? FUCK NOTHING BECAUSE THEY'RE #ISLAMICLIBERATED. Bitches, you ain't fucking liberated until ALL muslim women have the same nice lives and privileges as you. So what are you really doing to help #TraditionallySubmissive women? Answer? NOTHING.
Jan/27
2016

Yoink!

Oh those goofy militia guys in Oregon!
Prior to Tuesday, members of the militia group were allowed to enter or leave the refuge at will, but late Tuesday authorities stopped several vehicles outside the refuge, leading to the arrest of eight people, including group leaders Ammon and Ryan Bundy. The convoy was traveling about 100 miles to a community meeting in John Day. About 50 miles from their destination, the FBI and Oregon State police ordered them to stop. A police spokesman said all vehicles obeyed the order except one. That vehicle, containing Ryan Bundy and LaVoy Finicum, was fired upon and its occupants returned fire -- though it is unclear who fired first. The group's spokesman, LaVoy Finicum, was killed and Ryan Bundy was wounded. (UPI)
Ya know how the FBI likes to make easy arrests? They tell people with outstanding warrants that they've won a free cruise and to come get their tickets. Ya know how the FBI makes easy militia arrests? They tell them that they're invited to talk at a forum and the press will be there. Heh. Stupid. Hope they like being butt ponies in the slammer now. Enjoy!
Jan/25
2016
UPI doesn't need to buy a vowel, they just need to use a fucking spell checker. Or pay their editors more. Either.
WASHINGTON, Jan. 23 (UPI) -- Federal regulators are ordering a recall of 5 million more cars after a 10th death has been linked to the faulty Takata airbags.[..] The vehicles implicated in the latest recall include certain Mazda, Ford Audi and Wolkswagen models. The announcement adds to the 19 million vehicles recalled in the United States since last year.
Really? Is UPI outsourcing to China? Dunno, but Wolkswagen? Really? From now on I'm changing UPI to UCS for U Can't Spell...
Jan/22
2016

A. Bundy: Dipshit

So Dipshit, how's that whole Oregon thing working out for you? Not so great huh. The only people that care are the locals you're pissing off. To everyone else it's not even newsworthy. Sucks to be stupid. Like you.
Jan/19
2016
It was a retarded strategy from day one: cut taxes to make more money. Duh.
Unveiled Wednesday to the Republican-dominated Legislature, the spending blueprint for the fiscal year that begins in July projects a $190 million hole - something Brownback believes can be patched by such things as juggling state funds and selling off assets of a soon-to-be-privatized state agency.[..] Kansas' budget woes began after the Legislature got on board with Brownback's plan to slash personal income taxes in 2012 and 2013 in hopes of stoking the economy. But in this election year, discontent among Kansas lawmakers, some of whom voted for those tax cuts, isn't hard to find. (AP)
It's been a mainstay of the GOP platform: cut taxes. But the funny thing about cutting taxes is that the critical services and infrastructure that the state depends on ALSO needs money. Less taxes, less money, less services, less repair to infrastructure. That means schools, roads and anything else the state provides (note that conservatives LIKE their foodstamps just as they LIKE their social security, because it's owed to them) takes a hit. Until reality hits of course. Now Kansas, who bought into the "less taxes means more spending" lie, is hurting. Of course, now it's excuse-time you get doozies like this...
"It's a bit like predicting the weather, and it's hard to get it perfect," said Duane Goossen, who served as Kansas' budget director for 13 years under GOP and Democratic governors before Brownback took office in 2011.
Duane are you really that fucking stupid? You don't know that if you take in less money then you're going to HAVE less money? No, you're not that fucking stupid or you couldn't have graduated from college. You're just lying for the politico that pays your lunch. The big joke is how those still believing that less taxes means more state revenue rationalize their continued support. "Oh things will change soon", or "gosh, this whole money thing is harder than it seems." Really? If that were the case I'd say every one of those supporters should be defaulting on their mortgage right about last year. But no, they know how to balance their own budget, just not the state's. Then again, it's the state that's paying them...
Jan/06
2016
I'd say "don't hold your breath" but I kinda wish he would... while standing at the end of a long pier.
BURNS, Ore. (AP) -- A leader of the small, armed group that is occupying a remote national wildlife preserve in Oregon said Tuesday they will go home when a plan is in place to turn over management of federal lands to locals. [..] As the takeover entered its third day, authorities had not moved in and had not shut off power to the refuge, Arizona rancher Dipstick Finicum said, adding that he was eager to go home and tend to his cattle.
Yeah huh. Somehow just because you have guns and aren't black or muslim you think the government will just give you what you want huh? Don't think so dickhead. But please, be my guest and hold your breath. At least until your cows come home.
Jan/03
2016
It's getting where the name Bundy is synonymous with "asshole". I'm sure there are nice Bundy's out there, one that aren't foaming dickwads. Problem is, they don't make the news like the cocktards.
BURNS, Ore. (AP) -- The remote high desert of eastern Oregon became the latest flashpoint for anti-government sentiment as armed protesters occupied a national wildlife refuge to object to a prison sentence for local ranchers for burning federal land. Ammon Bundy - the son of Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, who was involved in a 2014 standoff with the government over grazing rights - is among the people at the headquarters of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. It was unclear exactly how many people were taking part in the protests.
I'm reminded of the Monty Python sketch where the Judean People's Front (not the People's Front of Judea, or maybe it is the other way around) hatch a plot to take Pilate's wife hostage. Roll tape...
REG: We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State, and if he doesn't agree immediately, we execute her. MATTHIAS: Cut her head off? FRANCIS: Cut all her bits off. Send 'em back on the hour every hour. Show them we're not to be trifled with. REG: And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop her up, and that we shall not submit to blackmail! COMMANDOS: No blackmail! REG: They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers' fathers. LORETTA: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers. REG: Yeah. LORETTA: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers. REG: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?! XERXES: The aqueduct? REG: What? XERXES: The aqueduct. REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that's true. Yeah. COMMANDO #3: And the sanitation. LORETTA: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like? REG: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done. MATTHIAS: And the roads. REG: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads-- COMMANDO: Irrigation. XERXES: Medicine. COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh... COMMANDO #2: Education. COMMANDOS: Ohh... REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough. COMMANDO #1: And the wine. COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah... FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh. COMMANDO: Public baths. LORETTA: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg. FRANCIS: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this. COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh. REG: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us? XERXES: Brought peace. REG: Oh. Peace? Shut up! (Life of Brian)
This is precisely analogous to the comedy-trash in Oregon. Only the joke's been done already.
Jan/01
2016
Let's start the new year off on a positive note. This is, right here, is a good thing.
WASHINGTON, Dec. 31 (UPI) -- Those tired of seeing news stories and other content about real estate mogul and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump can now block any mention of him through an add-on to Google Chrome. Known simply as "Trump Filter", the add-on searches web pages striking away any mention of Donald Trump. Users can adjust the severity of their filtration by selecting from settings including mild, aggressive and vindictive. The filter was created by self-proclaimed "punk rock technologist" Rob Spectre who poked fun at Trump's campaign slogan listing "Make America great again" as the final step of installing the filter.
Yaaaas! This is a thing! A total thing! How wonderful life can be without the incessant trumpity-trumpeting! Ahhhh, bliss. This bodes well, methinks. Yes, it does.
Dec/29
2015
Sometimes it does take money to make people realize their mistakes.
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) -- Oregon bakery owners who denied service to a same-sex couple have paid $135,000 in state-ordered damages - after refusing to do so for nearly six months. The Bureau of Labor and Industries says Aaron Klein, co-owner of the Portland-area bakery, dropped off a check Monday for $136,927.07. That includes accrued interest. Klein also paid $7,000 earlier this month. Damages were awarded in July for emotional suffering caused by Sweet Cakes by Melissa, which two years ago refused to make a wedding cake for Laurel and Rachel Bowman-Cryer. The bakers said their refusal was prompted by religious beliefs.
So here it is: your faith doesn't allow you to harm others. Put another way, money is the great equalizer, and money from one person is the same as money from another. If two gay people ask for an ordinary wedding cake, it should be treated the same as two straight people asking for an ordinary wedding cake. As a business owner in America you don't get to reject gay money any more than black money or Trump money (even if the principle smarts.) Money is money and if you have a public business you serve the community, equally. I do believe there should be restrictions on hate and hurtful messages, but "Mary loves Ann" certainly doesn't qualify. "Fuck you faggots" however DOES qualify as objectionable and shouldn't be covered under free speech, but perhaps that's a different rant. So here we go, Aaron just shelled out a reasonable chunk of change to learn the lesson that he can't pick and choose his customers. Faith had nothing to do with it. Nor, apparently, did their deity, since they wound up shelling out the money anyway. Oh I'm sure there's a Go-Fund-Me (and my bigoted attitude) page out there emblazoned with a shiny cross on it funneling dollars in from the equally bigoted, but hey, that's still money they had that they don't now. I'm thinking that if the bakery remains open, the owners will now have a better understanding, a $135,000 one, as to where faith ends and social responsibility begins.
Dec/28
2015

Um, Wha?

I'm having a hard time coming up with copy for this one. Let me know if you think of anything.
A German man died on Christmas Day after blowing up a condom dispenser with a homemade bomb in a botched robbery, police say. The 29-year-old and two accomplices attached the bomb to the vending machine in a quiet street before taking cover in their vehicle. But the victim did not close the door in time and was struck in the head by a steel shard from the explosion. [..] Police confirmed that none of the money or condoms from the machine had been taken. (BBC)
Yep, that's a head scratcher. Not sure where to take it, or even if it needs to be taken at all.
Dec/27
2015
Well, ok, this is a new one for the books...
EUGENE, Ore., Dec. 24 (UPI) -- An Oregon man expressed his anger towards the state's Department of Revenue by releasing a flock of chickens in the agency's office. Louis J. Adler, 66, set seven chickens free in the tax office's lobby at 12:20 p.m. on Wednesday after meeting with employees and being "frustrated with the outcome."
I can see that being a bit out of the ordinary for an office that's used to a variety of tantrums. Still, tossing live chickens is a new one. You might have thought that after tossing the first few someone would have caught on (or caught them) but apparently it was up to the local ASPCA to chicken-wrangle the group. Are chickens really that difficult to catch? Maybe these were specially trained ninja chickens? Hard to say. Anyway, it certainly was a unique way to express himself and get the cluck out of the tax office. What a way to earn a buck!
Dec/25
2015

Happy Holidays

For today: No angst, no grump, no anger at Trump, No slam, no pan, no dig at Ayn Rand, No hate, no bait, and won't that be great? For once, maybe twice, a year it is nice, To forget, or ignore all the jerks at the door. Toodles.
Dec/22
2015
Gotta love that EU court, they sure strike a mean sentiment. Zero sense tho when it comes to implementation.
Germany's highest court has ordered a man to destroy intimate photos and videos of his ex-partner because they violate her right to privacy. The Federal Court said the man, a photographer, should no longer possess naked photos and sex tapes, even if he had no intention of sharing them. The woman had originally agreed to the images but this consent stopped when the relationship ended, the court said. (BBC)
So yeah, it's nice in spirit but then so was communism. Neither of those work in real life. What the court fails to realize is that once the bits are created it's impossible to stop them from being replicated. Even if ExBoyfriend doesn't deliberately post them, chances are they're already backed up to a cloud somewhere or saved in some queue. And what does "delete" really mean? Especially if you don't know where the bits really are? Or what if they're partially duplicated? Or if the memory isn't fully wiped? It's like the whole, ass concept of "right to be forgotten by Google". Yeah no, you don't get how the internet works DO you? Noobs.
Dec/20
2015
Aaaaand... who gives a fuck? He's pretty much relegated to dinner theater now because no one really cares any more.
MANCHESTER, N.H. (AP) -- Edward Snowden will appear via video link as a featured speaker at a New Hampshire convention of libertarian activists.[..] The Free State Project describes itself as an effort to recruit "liberty-loving people" to move to New Hampshire. The group says it is trying to recruit 20,000 people who agree that a government should act to protect people's rights.
Yeah it's quite a comedown for the old SXSW headliner. Thing is with all the terror going on, with all the electioneering going on (yeah, that's kind of redundant there) no one gives a flying fuck about stuck-in-russia Snowy. Maybe his parents care, but then again they can also go to McDonalds for an all-day McMuffin something that Eddy-baby can't do. And they can come and go as they please. Which he can't do either. And pick up the phone and call their friends without it being tapped. (ditto) Or leave the country (also ditto). Think Eddy has finally caught on as to which citizens are the most at risk for liberty? I'm betting yes.
Dec/17
2015

Mmmm So Sweet

Those just desserts. Can they be any yummier?
Mr Shkreli was accused of running a "Ponzi scheme" where Retrophin assets were illegally used to pay off debts after MSMB lost millions of dollars. At a news conference on Thursday, US Attorney Robert Capers, said: "Shkreli engaged in multiple schemes to ensnare investors through a web of lies and deceit." FBI prosecutors allege Mr Shkreli cheated the company's investors out of $11m (£7.3m). (BBC)
Yeah, I love a sweet treat that has no calories! Shitbag Shkreli going to the slammer is probably the best gift that won't fit under the tree. So, dickhead, betcha wish you'd listened to that Wu-Tang Clan album after all now, huh? TOO FUCKING LATE ASSHOLE. Win!