Category: "Ha ha ha ha Fuck you"

Easter. What do you think of when it comes to Easter? I think of bunnies and jellies and peeps and eggs. Jesus? Ha. Hardly a second, third or even final thought. Yep, I think of cream eggs and marshmallows and chocolates, ya know why BECAUSE I'M NOT CHRISTIAN. Actually I'm not anything but that's besides the point because I get to celebrate Easter too. Like anyone who wants to, be they non-christian and even (gasp) someone who considers themselves christian but isn't accepted by the "christian" community. Which means that ANYONE can celebrate a christian holiday, if they want to. So to all the religious conservatives out there bemoaning the corruption of our society because it no longer conforms to your ideals: tough tit. I'm not christian and I don't believe in Jesus but I get to celebrate Easter just like you do! Ha!
Because all our political representatives should be toned, fit, healthy and stylish. Something where she has NONE of the above.
Sen. Sylvia Allen said she is unapologetic after suggesting the state require Sunday church attendance to precipitate a "moral rebirth." During a committee debate on allowing concealed guns in public buildings, the Republican senator said mandatory church attendance would stem a moral crisis she says is eroding the "soul of America." "I believe what's happening to our country is that there's a moral erosion of the soul of America," she said. "It's the soul that is corrupt. How we get back to a moral rebirth I don't know. Since we are slowly eroding religion at every opportunity that we have. Probably we should be debating a bill requiring every American to attend a church of their choice on Sunday to see if we can get back to having a moral rebirth." (UPI)
First I'd like to say that Sylvia is a fat slut that probably solves her moral problems with a double dose of lard-fried Twinkies. (I'm typically not a person to go after a person's size, but the point needs to be made that latching on to the superficial does NOT give someone the right to be, quite literally, holier than thou.) Forcing people to go to church on Sunday is an answer? When HOW many bible thumping asswhipes have gone to jail for lying, thieving, molesting and abusing their positions? I'm guessing that the entire pedophile priest scandals of the 2000's hasn't made any impression on Silly. Nope, nor those tv-evangelicals who have gone to jail for raking in the fat bucks and not paying taxes, or misusing funds. Or the murdering, beheading and mutilation that has been justified in the name of religion. Honey, I think you need to get a fucking grip on yourself. As a conservative twatwaffle you should know better than to think you can legislate morality into the nation, but hey, I encourage you to demonstrate that with your own brethren. Make ALL your political peers in your party attend church AND have them sign a pledge to live their lives according to your holy text. Staring with live and let live. Bitch.
Seriously? It's not just looking a gift horse in the mouth, it's kicking it in the ass and then complaining when it kicks you right back in the teeth.
The Greek government has threatened to seize German property as compensation for a Nazi atrocity in World War Two. Justice Minister Nikos Paraskevopoulos said he was ready to approve a Supreme Court ruling from 2000 backing payment to relatives of the 218 victims. The debt-ridden government is already calling for Germany to pay billions of euros in wartime reparations. But Germany insists the issue of compensation was settled in 1990, before the country was reunified. (BBC)
Go Greece! Just when the rest of the world thought you couldn't get any stupider or more delusional you exceed everyone's expectations. So, ya really think Germany will want to help you pay back your bajillions of debts by GIFTING you the money? Because of WWII? I mean it's not like they haven't loaned you the cash you're already using to pay your daily bills but now you have a firm case of the "greeds" and want more? Yeah, maybe you guys USED to be warriors, but somehow I don't think Germany is scared of you any more. Nor is it really a good survival strategy to piss them off when they're putting money into your coffers as it is. Not smart guys, really not smart.
Senator Trog is mighty proud of the fact that he ain't gots no e-lectonical learnin'. 'Cuz the Internets is hard and he don't need none of that. Naw.
WASHINGTON, March 9 (UPI) -- Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., said Sunday he is not worried about being told to release his emails because he has never sent one.
And bully for you Lindsey, bully for you. On the other hand how long *does* it take for someone to get a response from you? And how many people are employed in creating that reply? A lot more than typing some words into a keyboard, but I'm sure that typing is beneath you anyway. It's 2015 and Lindsey Graham still thinks it's 1975. Maybe it's time he retired? Especially since it doesn't seem like he's adapting very well.
You know I used to give Shatner the benefit of the doubt, that he wasn't really as douchey as everyone said. Turns out everyone was right, William Shatner IS a used douchebag.
LOS ANGELES, Feb. 28 (UPI) -- William Shatner announced via Twitter he will not be able to attend the funeral of his longtime friend and Star Trek co-star Leonard Nimoy. "I am currently in FL as I agreed to appear at the Red Cross Ball tonight. Leonard's funeral is tomorrow. I can't make it back in time," Shatner tweeted Saturday. "I feel really awful. Here I am doing charity work and one of my dearest friends is being buried," he said. "So let's spend some time tomorrow celebrating Leonard's life and remembering the man."
No really Bill, you think anyone is buying that? You don't think that ONLY funeral for your co-actor and history-maker is more important than a gig? You don't think they'd understand if you left early or cancelled? Guy Bill, you really ARE a shitstain. It's hard to imagine how bitter and angry you must be that Leonard got a part in the last two Trek movies but being stupid and petty about it at a funeral ISN'T the way to express yourself. Ya know T.J. Hooker was a stupid show right? And everyone KNOWS you wear a toupee. Good luck with the rest of your life Bill, oh yeah and fuck you too.
Yeah no big deal to THEM in DC if the poor slobs in DHS don't get paid. Because PRINCIPLES are more important than feeding a hard working American and their family.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Republican leaders eager to avert a partial government shutdown are getting heat from conservative colleagues who ask what the fuss is all about. Numerous House Republicans say it's preferable to let the Homeland Security Department go unfunded for a few days, at least, if that's the cost of undoing a White House immigration policy they consider unlawful. These lawmakers say the impact on national security would be minimal, as would the political risks. "Shutting down" the agency known as DHS "is a set of words that don't really have the meaning that people attribute to it," said Republican Rep. Mo Brooks of Alabama. "There was hardly any effect whatsoever on the Department of Homeland Security from the last shutdown, and I would anticipate a similar effect this time."
So now we know just how family-centric conservative politicians are. Basically they couldn't force their way through the democratic process so now they've resorted to the same anarchistic methods of throwing a tantrum and refusing to allow ANYONE to govern until either they get their way or the threat of personal harm from the angry public gets too great. For now bullying the personnel who defend and protect America's land and sea borders are just so much collateral in their quest to prove themselves. Seems as if they didn't learn much from last time. Mo and Curly are fuckheads. This is probably what every uniformed member of DHS is thinking right now. Of course that's right after they wonder how they're going to pay their rent, daycare, food, heat, gas and debts. My thought is that those representatives should share the burden of their idealistic ways and not get paid either, not until the situation gets resolved. It's pretty easy not to feel the pinch of a shutdown when it's not your ass in the sling. Of course their "spoiled child tantrum" method of governing isn't without backlash. It might be noted that the last time this happened the name "Tea Party" fell from favor with such alacrity that it has about vanished from the political spectrum, even if the ideals and idiots behind them are still going strong. Keep it up guys. Pulling these stunts just before the next Presidential election is a GREAT way to remind America who you're really working for. Because it sure the fuck ain't us.
"It does not make any difference whether the funding is for three weeks, three months or a full fiscal year. If it's illegal, it's illegal," said Rep. Mo Brooks, R-Ala.
Know what should be "illegal" Mo? Your fucking stupidity. In fact it's downright criminal.

Cause and Effect

Um, yeah?
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) - A South Korean court on Thursday abolished a 62-year-old law that criminalized extramarital affairs, and the stock price of a prominent condom maker immediately shot up 15 percent.
I challenge the bimbos on #outnumbered to do their show WITHOUT showing any leg. No calves, no thighs, no cleavage. I dare you bitches to prove that people will actually listen to what you have to say for the content, not the eyecandy. Betcha can't do it.
Want to become a hostage? Bored with life and feel the need to risk it all in a wild stunt that could end in fame or death or both? Great. Go right ahead, so long as you agree that whatever the result, it's all on you.
TOKYO, Feb. 11 (UPI) -- A Japanese citizen whose passport was revoked to prevent him from traveling to Syria claims his rights were violated. The Japanese government's Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MOFA), mindful of the deaths of two Japanese citizens at the hands of the Islamic State in January and the group's promises for additional attacks "wherever (Japanese) people are found," demanded the return of the passport of Yuichi Sugimoto, 58, a freelance photographer, after it learned he intended to travel to Syria via Turkey. "(Foreign) Ministry officials and police officers told me that unless I returned my passport, I would be arrested," he told Japanese television, adding he challenged the officials demanding the passport on grounds of freedoms of expression and of the press.
Between missionaries, mercs, reporters and misguided girls looking for love, we've had more than enough hostages causing their home nations angst. If you counted the cost of man hours by those in state departments, military, press and distraught families the value would be in the millions per hostage. All of which is a gift given by "well meaning", "noble", "selfless" whatever have you adjectives ascribed to those captured. Press who feel "driven to report the truth", religious nutjobs who answered the call of their deity to help the oppressed, blah blah blah. Fact is in each and every case that person decided to go into a warzone for their own satisfaction and wound up becoming a massive headache for their nation. Solution? Decide that IF a citizen decides to ignore a prohibition to travel to a hostile nation on their own they automatically forfeit their citizenship. Sorry family and friends, but your relation decided that their "personal journey" meant more to them than the health and safety of their nation. They're on their own. Yuichi wants to go to Syria? Let him. Keep the passport, toss his ass on a plane and wave goodbye. Problem solved and free speech protected. Done.
He didn't learn a freekin' thing from openly supporting Romney during the first election. Instead he's playing to two audiences: conservative in American and his dwindling fan-base back home. The problem? That the move is so transparent that even those who DO support him are telling him it's a mistake. Netanyahu is too stupid to listen though.
JERUSALEM (AP) -- A national leader's appearance before the U.S. Congress is usually a source of pride and unity. But Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's planned trip to Washington - opposed by the White House and many Democrats - has Israel in uproar. The Israeli leader faces growing calls to cancel the visit as rivals accuse him of risking Israel's relations with the United States in hopes of winning extra votes in next month's Israeli parliamentary election. But Netanyahu has shown no signs of backing down, saying Sunday he would "do everything" to prevent U.S.-led international negotiators from reaching a "bad and dangerous agreement" with Iran over its nuclear program.
Benny won't back down, and that's a great thing. Pigheadedness is precisely what has made him less, rather than more favorable, to everyone. Instead of coalition building to ensure that Israel has the support of America, he's selectively playing favorites and reinforcing the stereotype that only hawks and haters are backing the Jewish apartheid, which frankly, works well for me. I have no reason to want to support Israel as they continue to fight rather than fix the situation they're in. Benny made the mistake the last time, hoping that grandstanding for Romney would benefit them both. Instead he was left with an awkward mess when the candidate he endorsed didn't make it. Now he stands to repeat the same mistake. Hopefully with EXACTLY the same results.
Yah go Texas! With the largest population of racist morons in state government in the entire US of A!
AUSTIN, Texas, Jan. 30 (UPI) -- Texas State Rep. Molly White has come under fire after posting a charged Facebook message in which the newly-elected Republican demanded Muslims visiting Austin for Texas Muslim Capitol Day declare their allegiance to the United States before entering her office. "Today is Texas Muslim Capital day [sic] in Austin," White's controversial post began. I did leave an Israeli flag on the reception desk in my office with instructions to staff to ask representatives from the Muslim community to renounce Islamic terrorist groups and publicly announce allegiance to America and our laws. We will see how long they stay in my office." The Council of American-Islamic Relations, who started Texas Muslim Capitol Day in 2003, wrote to Texas House Speaker Joe Straus asking for an ethics investigation into White. Although Straus, also a Republican, declined to launch an ethics investigation, he publicly condemned White's Facebook post and said her actions "reflect poorly" on Texas state government.
Molly, molly, molly. You really are one stupid twat. It's no wonder you got elected, because "stupid" is clearly the single most desirable trait for a Texas politician. Racist being second and guess what? You swept BOTH categories! Woo woo! So really, why should Texas even HAVE a Muslim CapiTOL day? Just so they have an easier time finding people to ridicule? Looks like it. It's more like a "let's bash Muslims in Texas" day. Ya know, I'll bet they have a "wetback" day too for the same reasons. Gee Molls, did'ja forget to include Druids? Catholics? Santaria? Or mebbe those evil athiests? Hell we should ALL swear allegiance to America and renounce ALL terrorist groups including those oppressing women and threatening their right to abortion (since screaming profanities at pregnant women and blowing up clinics are also terrorist acts.) Ya also gotta love the "reflect poorly" comment by her fellow statesman. Reflect poorly? Hells nah, more like "reflect accurately". Go Texas! The suck-hole state.
Dear Pompous Twit. You fail.
The traditional service was interrupted by a lone protester, the Rev. Paul Williamson. He stepped forward and objected when the congregation was asked if it was their will that Lane be ordained. Williamson said "No!" and asked to speak, arguing there was no precedent in the Bible for women bishops. Lane remained stoic. The archbishop of York, John Sentamu, seemed prepared and answered with a prepared statement, a nod to the controversy that led to this moment. Sentamu then simply moved on, asking the packed church once again if they approved. This time, the response was a thunderous "Yes!" (AP)
Pompous Twit (aka Paul Williamson), did you really think that you would change everyone's mind? Hardly. You were merely grandstanding for your own ego. No one stood with you. I doubt very much you learned from the experience, while everyone else affirmed what they already knew: change, when right, is a force to be reckoned with, unifying and gratifying at the same time. You, on the other hand, are merely a fool.
What's Russian for "an ignorant fuck"?
DAVOS, Switzerland (AP) -- Russian Deputy Prime Minister Igor Shuvalov, speaking at the World Economic Forum in Davos, on Friday warned the West against trying to topple President Vladimir Putin and said that Russians are ready to sacrifice their wealth in Putin's support.[..] "When a Russian feels any foreign pressure, he will never give up his leader," Shuvalov said. "Never. We will survive any hardship in the country - eat less food, use less electricity."
It's funny right? Russia, like every other place in the world, loves winners and hates losers. Little Napoleon-wannabe is too busy with his wars and empire building to care about his people. Yes, Russians are accustomed to suffering, their ancestors are built of strong stuff. But Russia isn't special when it comes to leaders falling from power. From the murder of their royals to the destruction of their legendary leaders Stalin and Lenin, the Russian people KNOW a fraud when they see one. Putin will be forced to rule with an iron hand, something he's had to resort to more than before and a clear sign of national discontent. Don't be a fool Igor, you could be next. Putin is a dictator in the mold of all your previous dictators. Praise him all you want, but don't expect that to mitigate YOUR fate when it comes to it.
SME stands for Sony Music Entertainment. WMG stands for Warner Music Group. Both have determined that the music you wanted to listen to, or the video you wanted to see was theirs, not for you. So they took the ball, called it theirs, and went home. Now it may not have actually been theirs, but they make so many claims it's hard to verify so Google needs to do as they're asked. Oh, and if you live in the EU? Well, keep in mind that you asked for this. After all, Google can't post anything that someone protests about. Have a nice day!
Hey Julie! Guess who's *not* coming to your son't next birthday? Probably EVERYONE.
Alex Nash, from Cornwall, was invited to the party just before Christmas. An invoice for £15.95 was sent by his schoolfriend's mother Julie Lawrence, who said Alex's non-attendance left her out of pocket and his parents had her details to tell her he was not going. Alex's father Derek said he had been told he would be taken to the small claims court for refusing to pay. Alex's parents, from Torpoint, had accepted an invitation to the party at a dry ski slope in Plymouth, Devon, just before Christmas. However, they realised their son was double-booked and due to spend time with his grandparents, which he did. (BBC)
Was it impolite for the parents to reverse their RSVP? Yes. Especially if they didn't provide much notice, but proper hosts around the world will tell you: LIFE HAPPENS and sometimes guests don't arrive. The notion that a host would produce a bill though? And expect the unattended to pay? Oh please. One imagines that your £16 is worth all the negative publicity you've gotten now isn't it? After all who wants to attend a party thrown by an uptight bitch? I'm guessing you're the type of Mum who doesn't live for her kid but the other way around. Everything Junior says and does is your credit otherwise you'd see that the real loser in this sorry story is your kid. He's going to be known as the "Kid with the Greedy Mum". Other kids will avoid him because who knows when they'll get a bill for not showing up at the playground? Dumb twat.
Sad, but true.
Around the world, news organizations took different approaches to illustrating stories about the Charlie Hebdo cover. In the United States, CBS programs and The New York Post ran images of the cover, while the ABC network didn't. The New York Times also didn't publish it, but included a link to it. CNN didn't show the cover online or on the air. The Associated Press had not run previous Charlie Hebdo cartoons showing Muhammad, and declined to run the latest one as well, based on its policy to avoid images designed to provoke on the basis of religion. In Europe, Spain's leading daily newspapers published the image online and the state broadcaster showed it on news bulletins. In Britain, The Times of London, the Guardian and the Independent went with the image, while The Daily Telegraph didn't. The BBC showed the new cover on news programs. Germany's Sueddeutsche Zeitung, Der Spiegel and Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung all used it on their websites. (AP)
So firmly in the CHICKEN column we have: ABC, CNN and (imho) the AP. In the "FUCK ALL Y'ALL" column we have: NY Post and CBS. And in the WAFFLES-R-US column we have the NY Times. All this from a cartoon that France now has plastered all the fuck over. As does Germany (no surprise there). Of course you can argue that the UK was equally confused about how strongly to respond, but then again three of four still isn't a bad go. Of course even if you see the cartoon you need to know french if you want to get the joke. If you haven't seen it yet, or even if you have I'll let you in on a little secret. It's not funny. It's revealing. That's the real joke.
Some muslims are upset that another cartoon Mohammad is printed. What? Did they think that all the messages delivered over the past few days were just lip service? What's not to get about the fact that the First World isn't limited by their outrage? In fact this is precisely what makes us the First World; people are ALLOWED to disagree.
President Francois Hollande has insisted the magazine and its values will continue. "Charlie Hebdo is alive and will live on," he said. "You can assassinate men and women but you will never kill their ideas." Charlie Hebdo's decision to publish another cartoon of the Prophet drew threats from militant Islamist websites and criticism from the Islamic world. (BBC)
So to the "Islamic militants" out there: Sorry you don't rule the world. Just because you're offended, or think you should be, doesn't mean everyone else has to respect that. Respect is OUR choice, not your force or threats that compel even your own people to comply. If you have to threaten someone into agreeing then clearly your ideas lack merit. The best ideas don't need an "army", they convert people all on their own. And so the radicals have failed. Instead of frightening people into doing what they wanted now millions more are embracing the opposite. Instead of no more Mohammad cartoons, now they're everywhere. Didn't think that through, did'ja?