Categories: "Life In Hell" or "AutoMotarded"

Jan/24
2017

Alternative Facts

Well ol' Donald Delusional is still being himself. Did you know that he WOULD have won the popular vote if MILLIONS of UNDOCUMENTED immigrants hadn't voted against him? Did you also know that HIS inauguration crowd was BIGGER than Obama's first?

Actually those are both lies, but while most people think lies are bad the tRump administration has rebranded them as "alternative facts".

Yes folks you TOO can spin lies and falsehoods that would make most people cringe by calling them something that sounds like it MIGHT be true. Or, you can just admit now that you're fucking insane and incapable of dealing with reality as the rest of the world perceives it.

Alternative facts. Heh. Too bad we're all just "alternative facts". This is tRumps world now, we just live in it.

Jan/20
2017

Fuck Trump

And fuck us.

Dec/18
2016

Different Is Not Better

Yes he's draining the swamp, and replacing it with a Tar Pit. But stupid fuckers are too stupid to realize this.

As each Cabinet announcement draws fresh criticism of Donald Trump's latest appointees, many Americans who voted for him say the president-elect is doing what he promised to do: draining the swamp.

And they're excited. (AP)

Sure they're excited. These are people who actually believe they're going to win every time they buy a scratch ticket, the same morons who think that racial profiling makes them safe and that god hates lesbians. Sure they're excited. Trump could line them all up against a wall and shoot them in the nuts and they'd STILL find a reason why "god made this happen to make america great again."

Because stupid has no boundaries.

The funny thing will be in 8 years when these same imbeciles look back at how not better off they are they'll claim that Trump was "sabotaged" and find a million excuses to never admit they were taken in by the best P.T. Barnum around. They just want to believe that different is better, even when different means their own misery and the misery of everyone not in the 1%.

Dec/04
2016

A Dearth Of Cheer

Usually by now the streets around me are awash in LED cheer. Blinking, twinkling the lights tangle porches and trees, festoon eves and windows. This year not so much. Maybe one house every two or three blocks has lights up; an odd occurrence for a typically relaxed and kid friendly area.

It's not hard to imagine why, for my part I'm hardly encouraged to put pen to holiday card myself. The last time I'd felt this level of depression was in 2001. I didn't send cards then either. Now that I think about it I feel the same scale of devastation, only this it's not outsiders hating us, it's US hating US.

What did the old cartoon Pogo say?

"We have met the enemy and he is us." (Pogo)

All too true.

All too true. Happy Hellidays Everyone!

Nov/22
2016

Gonna Be Ugly

This is going to be one hate-filled "thanks" giving this year. I, personally, have taken steps to draw a neutral zone in the areas I can and told everyone to expect an abrupt exit from me should that not be respected.

If that's how things are around here I can visualize how non-homogeneous families will be this year.

Hate doesn't heal. It festers. Sure you can ignore it, but then eventually it starts to smell and you lose a limb.

Happy holidays!

Nov/09
2016

Well it may be a long time until I bother writing again. I've seen, felt and tasted the hate and intolerance this country has to offer during this election. I can say unequivocally that America is not a country I can be proud of. This will be a new season of intolerance, greed, and suffering for the poor and needy. It will be carte blanche for the worst of the worst, marginalization of women, blacks, minorities and immigrants.

Welcome to Hitler's America. I hope you enjoy your new hell.

Nov/08
2016

I know it's not my money and I shouldn't judge, but nothing pisses me off more than seeing an inept driver behind the wheel of a $150k super sports car. This was the case the other day when I saw someone (well not really saw, she barely could see over the steering wheel) at the helm of one of the most expensive Mercedes around.

Supercharged, AMG, ultra-extra-everything and the woman, a rather elderly asian woman, was driving it at 15mph backing everyone the fuck up. This car was clearly bought for her by someone with more money than they knew what to do with. It was also clear that she was in no way equipped to drive it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't *want* her car, I just want to see her in something that makes more sense. Like in a minivan, big, slow and up high where she can see. The lower-than-the-zipper-on-Paris-Hilton's-jeans roof height meant that this DWO couldn't see, couldn't steer and couldn't get out of her way WHILE mystifying everyone was to what the hold up was.

So yeah, it's not about what I want, it's what should be best for everyone on the road. If someone is going to be behind the wheel of a car, they should be able to handle it, not just for themselves but for the health, safety and sanity of everyone else.

Nov/04
2016

Today was fucking awesome.

Stage 1: House to major artery. School buses now have to stop every 15 feet because children can't clump together. The little darlings get to stand at the end of their driveways, regardless of the sidewalk, grass or driveways that adjoin them. This means that the bus goes about 3 car lengths and stop again. The bus will also WAIT for the freeking kid to appear from inside the house. This is going to sound old, tired and cliche but FUCKING KIDS THESE DAYS HAVE IT SO EASY.

Stage 2: Major artery via side road to second major artery. THE FUCKING POLICE ARE MORONS IN MY AREA. So the side road connects two major arteries. People trek down it regularly. This morning, however, the police parked across the road, blocking it off WHILE EVERYONE DROVE DOWN THEN HAD TO TURN AROUND AND WAIT IN A MULTI-MILE LONG LINE TO DRIVE BACK OUT. Detour? No. Close the road so people don't mistakenly head down it and WASTE 25 FUCKING MINUTES OF THEIR LIFE? Fuck no. DO NOTHING AND JUST BLOCK THE ROAD WITH ONE COP CAR WHILE THE WORLD PILES UP AROUND THEM FOR HOURS? Yes! Clearly!

Stage 3: Major artery to highway. Gridlock. Kthnks. Backed up onto the ramp. Happy day.

Stage 4: Highway to road to work. This is part major artery, part a wide pipeline right into the offices. I get behind the "NICE GUY" who needs to stop for fucking everyone else EXCEPT THE MILLION MILE HORDE OF CARS BACKED UP BEHIND HIM. Gotta love these folks, they make themselves feel so good about holding up everyone in back of them as they wave across this person or that. Also there's this awesome bike route that stops all traffic, wasting about 100x the amount of gas while stopping 75 cars for 2 rollerbladers. Kinda awesome that.

Stage 5: Parking. I got a spot. Not guaranteed because hell, why should the people who do the work actually be able to get to where they need to do the work? Not clear on that one.

Yeah, it's awesome. And while today was a bit worse than usual, the drive to work generally pretty sucky. Thus the rant.

Nov/03
2016

It used to be that there was only one thing I really protested at first thing in the morning and that was chest hair. Ok, getting out of bed, bathroom, shower sure. But once dressed and in the kitchen, chest hair is a no-no with tea and biscuits. I make this known.

Then the other morning while driving to work I discovered that chest hair is not thing I'm against being exposed to. On the highway, stuck in traffic, some thing had been reduced to gibbets. With bits of fur attached. Yeah, no. No gibs please, not before tea and biscuits. Blarf.

Nov/02
2016

So I have a 9am conference call with the "team". Note that the "team" are not co-located in any way, shape or form. As the leader of said meeting I book things for an hour, because that's the longest I believe anything should take but typically my meetings are much shorter. In fact today's meeting only took 17 minutes.

What's my secret? Here they are:

1. Prepare. Get all your shit together that you want to say the day before. Make sure you have 30 slides or less for a 1 hour presentation (if you're actually going to talk that long).

2. Cut to the point. A review of last week is fine if you can keep it to 1 page. The more concepts (not words, CONCEPTS) you can cram into a single sentence the better. Instead of saying "The part is blue; the part is expensive; only one person makes the part" try "vendor X has limited quantities of part Y in blue."

3. It's better to have more shorter meetings than 1 longer meeting after a longer period of time. Know the phrase "out of sight out of mind?" Yeah, it's a thing. Regular, quick, to the point. People feel on top of stuff and you have less to review AND present.

4. Get there early and start on time. No blathering.

So blam - 9 am we start, (I actually booted up at 8:45 and spent 15 minutes talking about random stuff) and 9:17 we're done. "I'm giving you back 45 minutes of your life."

As I'm shutting down the system I hear one group say "I like short meetings." "Yes, we all do." I managed to get in just before the software finished closing. The laughter from everyone was a nice way to end the meeting.

Nov/01
2016

Don't know about the rest of you but I've had enough. I saw an interesting (for a change) poll yesterday that said over 80% of the people polled were sick to death of hearing about the election. Count me in that majority.

So, for the next seven days I'm going to write about anything EXCEPT the fucking thing I just mentioned above. Because it's my blog and I can find plenty to whine about without wanting to stab myself in the face repeatedly.

Ok so, today sucked. Most days suck recently, partly the task at hand and more due to the people I work for. Ignorance combined with willful self-illusion equals life-in-hell. Don't get me wrong, I'm tough, generally I can take it, but when the Boss has no grasp of reality, the client doesn't know or understand what they've bought and the co-sponsor hates everyone and their dog - well needless to say that the Twain just won't meet anywhere. It's bicker-city and it makes the blind men and their elephant resemble Micky Rooney with a chihuahua because my problems are more like the guy who played Jaws groping a velociraptor. Can you say "not fun"? Can you say "all my money is going for booze?" Can you say "it's more fun having root canal than trying to answer email"? Of course you can!

But then there's the whole "getting paid" part and "man it fucking sucks having to change jobs". Yes, there's that. But, change is good I guess, and challenging yourself is part of what keeps a person from getting stale and stagnant.

So yeah, work sucks and it's not going to get better any time soon. There you go - rant day 1. Stay tuned for tomorrow when we hear our hero say "ARGJKFDS*&$#*(&*(%$#%FUCKEVERYTHINGANDTHEIRCAMEL."

w00t!

Oct/31
2016

So I'm minding my own business, not doing much just toodling around online and "bring-a-ding-a-ling" but my OS has a new message for me. My! What can it be?

"Microsoft Edge is faster than Chrome, for reals!"

C'mon Microsoft, is this really what you're resorting to? Spamming your captive audience with bullshit advertisements to make them gag on even more of your dick-ware? So here's my answer for you: "No. No, no, no a thousand times no. Also... no."

I like Chrome, and just because you have my money for my OS does NOT mean you get it for every fucking other thing as well. So suck off assholes. I mean it.

Oct/30
2016

So tail lights. I have a thing about examining them, trying to (in some cases) imagine what the designer had in mind. Some are easy, the new Jeep Renegade has this adorable square-button with a little cross-stitched "X" in the middle. Reminds one of a Raggedy Ann doll, really. Probably not what the artist had conceived, but hey, cute (as a button) nonetheless.

Then there's what I call the drawer-pull tail light. Looks like the handle on cupboard with all the kitchen utensils. Simple, plain, nothing to write home about. Boring is not the same as succinct, but hey, we can't all be graphic artists now can we?

The coaster. Square with a round ring or just plain round. Actually I could have stopped at just plain. Rings can be interesting sometimes, when they overlap, but mostly these are just plopped on top of each other like the blobs of a snowman.

The blob. These check the box where the designer was told "we need tail lights, they go in the corners." And yes, yes they did. That's about all they did.

For a while Volvo was putting their tail lights on their wagons up so high they'd blend with the traffic lights. It was different, sure, and attention grabbing, but I notice that the lights have migrated back south. I guess the cold weather didn't really suit them after all.

Dental tools. This is what is being sported on the rear of the 2016 Toyota Prius. Gigantic, covered in blood, dental tools. I'll say it caught my attention, but I won't say it did it in a good way. Brrrrrrr.

Animated tail lights. I think it's the mustangs that have these. They blink in sequence when used for signalling a direction. Very Knight Rider. If you get that reference then you're way too old and probably need help chewing your food. You probably also think that getting into a car like that would involve medical assistance. You're probably right.

Paperclips, horseshoes and fishhooks. My but we've come a long way since the introduction of the LED. Some designers are actually doing creative things to highlight the lines of the car (well Toyota tried but they never examined the result). I applaud this. It's a good thing, getting away from the coasters and blobs. It also probably means that replacing said devices when the asshole behind you forgets to brake costs a crapload, but hey, it's all for the sake of modern something-something right?

Tail lights. Thanks for reading, bet you won't look at them the same any more...

Oct/05
2016

So many articles, sooo many. At first, when I had only a handful I thought I might just dole them out a few at a time. Then, as the week progressed and my vat did overfloweth with the miserable misogynist material I figured hey, why not just bundle it all together? I mean the theme is more or less the same...

Article 1: Fucking Paki Cocktard Scumbag Sister-murderer: Mubeen Rajhu

"The guys here told him, . 'It would be better to kill your sister,'" Raza says.

Rajhu told them he had bought a pistol, and one day in August he stopped coming to work.

Rajhu discovered that his sister had defied the family and married the Christian. For six days he paced. His rage grew. How could she?

On the seventh day, on Aug. 14, he retrieved the pistol from where he had hidden it and walked up to his sister and with one bullet to the head he killed her. (AP)

So now asshole is in jail for murdering his sister and you might think his parents would be horrified that one of their children blew the brains out of the other, but no that's not how THIS story ends.

In the kitchen of the home, Tasleem's blood still stains the rough wall. In the cramped room next to it, the siblings' father, Mohammed Naseer Rajhu, talks about the killing.

His outrage grows - all of it directed at his daughter.

He is angry that his son killed his sister for two reasons only: The young man is in jail and no longer earning nearly $200 a month, and his family, spread throughout Pakistan, will soon learn of Tasleem's indiscretions.

"My family is destroyed," he says, his voice rising. "Everything is destroyed only because of this shameful girl. Even after death I am destroyed because of her."

Mohammed Naseer Rajhu, you are pure, unvarnished filth. YOU are the problem, not your daughter. Your deranged fantasy that you owned your daughter, that the IDEA of her having a free will of her own and AS AN ADULT following her heart offends you? Well you fucking offend me. The fact that you exist offends me. The fact that you actually married and had children offends me. You're scum. I really do hope that you feel desecrated for whatever stupid reason, because you are a blot on humanity. I'd tell you to shrivel up and die, but that's basically what you already are, a crusty blot on this planet that will disappear.

Article 2: Muslim Clerics Should Avoid Movies or Fucking Assholes Like Muhammadu Kabiru Maikaba Should Go Fuck Themselves

Because, let's face it, they already live in a fantasy world so what could movies have to offer them? I know, I know... more things to hate! Like women!

A leading Nigerian actress has been banned from the Hausa-language film industry because of her "immoral" behaviour, the main industry body says.

Rahama Sadau caused offence by "hugging and cuddling" pop star Classiq in a video, it added.[..]

Its chairman, Muhammadu Kabiru Maikaba, told the BBC Hausa service that the ban was "total".

"This is not the first time that she has been doing these wayward things. We have been warning her, but she still went ahead to dent our image," he said.

The industry, commonly known as Kannywood, has been under fire from conservative Muslim clerics who accuse it of corrupting people's values.

Her crime? Hugging and cuddling. Nothing more. Of course the MAN she was with starring with is not in any bit of trouble, but fucking shitbags like Muhammadu Kocktard could care less. Because controlling women and their expressions are the only things that matter in life. Forget about art.

So idiots in Nigeria don't want to see women being friendly with men? Fine. Let them watch historical documentaries for the rest of their lives. They're loveless shitbags anyway and romance is clearly wasted on them. Next!

Article 3: Fucking Prick Claudio Gatti Feels No Shame Outing A Woman Author Who Wanted To Be Anonymous

His excuse was "It made me famous, hur, hur, hur. Totally worth it."

An Italian journalist who published the true identity of the "anonymous" author Elena Ferrante has said he did so because she is "a public figure".

Claudio Gatti published a story in the New York Review of Books outing the author, who writes under a pseudonym, as Italian translator Anita Raja.

He said: "Millions of [Ferrante's] books are bought by readers.

"In a way I think readers have the right to know something about the person who created the work."

Speaking to BBC Radio 4's Today programme, he added: "I did it because she was a very much public figure." (BBC)

By the same token I guess the world should know where Claudio Gatti lives, eats, shits and fucks. They should have his cell phone, his home address and know the path he takes to work. Fact is authors who choose a pen name do so for very valid reasons. Just because some spineless prick decides they can get their 15 minutes of fame by outting them doesn't mean that the press should jump all over the revelation. What if the author feels threatened by this and never writes again, denying their fans any future work? Think Claudio will feel badly? HELL NO, HE GOT HIS.

Yes, another wanker. Onward on goes the cavalcade of small penises...

Article 4: Trump

This actually comes under the heading "old news".

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has been accused by ex-contestants and staff on reality show The Apprentice of sexism, according to an Associated Press investigation.

More than 20 people interviewed described Mr Trump's behaviour toward women as crass and inappropriate. (BBC)

Yep. And still there are women out there who support him. There are also women out there who go back to the men that beat them and then get murdered so there's no accounting for taste.

Article 5: Vitalii Sediuk Needs To Keep His Fucking Hands To Himself

Why no one has thrown his ass in jail yet is a total mystery.

Vitalii Sediuk told the Victoria Derbyshire programme he disagreed with social media comments that he had sexually assaulted Kim Kardashian and model Gigi Hadid in recent incidents.

During Milan Fashion Week, the Ukrainian crept up behind model Hadid and lifted her off her feet as she left a fashion show.

The 27-year-old also tried to kiss Kim Kardashian's bottom last week during Paris Fashion Week, but was subdued by her security. (BBC)

I'm sorry why exactly does this guy get away with touching people who clearly don't want to be touched? And why is he still on the street? Frankly I don't think there would be any argument if his next victim took more assertive action. I figure a broken leg might do the guy some good. He'd learn that it's NOT ok to try and get attention by groping women who don't want to be groped. Maybe Kim should start packing a nice ball-peen hammer in her purse. Or at least a horseshoe. A nice sold thump upside the head and a few kicks from security aught to help him establish better boundaries.

Time for Chester the Molester to lean a lesson, imho.

Article 6: Poland Hates Women

Just because they can get pregnant apparently.

Thousands of women in Poland have gone on strike in protest against proposals for a total ban on abortions.

They marched through the streets wearing black as a sign of mourning for their reproductive rights.

Women who oppose the ban are staying away from work and school and refusing to do domestic chores, in a protest inspired by a women's strike in Iceland in 1975. (BBC)

Oddly enough after everything got shut the fuck down the Polish government decided suddenly that sending women back into the Dark Ages wasn't really the right direction for their agenda. No matter what religion was trying to dictate. So from World of Suck to the Catholic Church: SUCK IT BITCHES.

Ok folks, there you go, just three days worth of news describing how fucking awesome it is to be a woman. Even in 2016.

Oct/04
2016

Ok so really, it's not like I have a choice, I more or less have to use Outlook. But all I was trying to do was remove a name in the list. So I highlighted the name and hit the large "delete" button on the menu bar.

What happened next? The entire mailing list was deleted without so much as a "by your leave", or "are you sure you want to do this?" or even "if you DO this you CAN'T undo." Newp, just poof, all gone.

I stared in disbelief at the monitor for a good few minutes, then double checked to make sure that there was no Undo option. Again newp, none. And then just sucked it up and re-created the entire list of 20+ people by hand.

On a silver-lining note I was able to copy and paste the majority of names from an email I'd sent to the user list a few minutes prior, but even still, there were names that Outlook refused to recognize even though they WERE in my personal address book. So those had to be hand entered extra-manually.

Fun times? No, not really. Fuck you Outlook.

Sep/24
2016

What I really want is a total media blackout on certain topics.

Super Saturation Topic 1: North Korea

There's nothing to report here. The regime is evil. Kim Jong Fuck is a gluttonous, murderous pig. They use nukes and missiles whenever they want attention. The brainwashed population is being starved, worked and arbitrarily tortured. It's been this way for decades, there is nothing new to report.

Super Saturation Topic 2: Arab Israeli Conflict

Bombings, knifings, shootings, bulldozings, economic deprivation, starvation, apartheid, kidnappings, torture. Done. There that's all to know, that's all there ever is to know. We don't need to hear it.

Super Saturation Topic 3: African Conflicts

They're killing each other, people are displaced, starving, dying. Warlords are rich and richer. No one cares about the civilians.

There are also smaller, mostly domestic, topics that I would like to see either eliminated or just reduced to a once-a-month digest summary: abortion, gun violence, priests and politicians having sex with the wrong people, political polls and opinions.

For all these endless topics it seems as if there are no solutions. I think perhaps if we take some of the spotlight away, reduce volume so that people become less apathetic and regain a sense of attachment for the actual cost in human lives and suffering it would help lessen the tolerance for this bullshit. And maybe something real would actually happen.

Maybe.

Sep/09
2016

Comcast Drops

I have several friends who have the loathsome pleasure of being slaved to Comcast. For whatever reason they have no other choice of provider, which is a pity because we all know how monopolies operate: like shitbags. The similar thread I hear in their complaints is that their service will suddenly and inexplicably cut out. And then reconnect, but after just long enough to tank whatever they were doing; playing a game, watching a movie, doing work over VPN.

My theory is that this is SOP for Comcast and that its done on purpose to try and reduce usage. By making it hard to identify Comcast makes it nearly impossible for customers to point the finger. Further, by interrupting streams and connections they can reduce any connections that are not being actively used, assuming of course that the person at the other end CARES. Of course that's shitty, because it shouldn't matter if someone is at their computer or not, if they are paying for reliable service they should be entitled to use it how they like. But I suspect that Comcast does this on purpose to free up bandwidth from "high usage" customers to provide more for everyone else.

I have nothing good to say about Comcast. My experiences with the company ranged between terrible to downright evil incarnate. So, yeah, I wouldn't put it past them to sporadically chop connections as they please. About the only way to prove this is to run connection monitoring software like Wireshark and collect the data. Chances are though, even if presented with the evidence Comcast will claim that it's just a problem with some router they can't find, or the modem, or the computer. Because they have the monopoly, so why should they care?