Category: "Assholes On Parade"

Aug/19
2017

Oh soooo scared of you.

Donald Trump's former chief strategist has vowed to go to war against the president's opponents, after being fired from his job at the White House.

teve Bannon, who has returned as head of ultra-conservative website Breitbart News, said he would fight for the agenda that won Mr Trump the election.

"I've got my hands back on my weapons," he said. "It's Bannon the Barbarian." (BBC)

I guess you were too barbaric for the Whitehouse eh? What, did they fire you for pissing in the plants? No, they fired you because you're confused and ineffective. Your message may have rallied a freakshow, clown-parade of piss-poor voters but it's not doing much to run this country.

Guess you didn't have what it takes eh?

So sure, go back and bitch on your website. I'm sure they'll be de-fucking-lighted to have you return. Wanna know the BEST thing about Breitbart? It's a honeypot for fucktards like you. So the rest of us don't have to read about your bullshit on legitimate ("Fake news to you") sites.

So here's the glove motherfucker: Dickhead Donald tRump is my opponent. Let's see what you got. Bring it Mr. Populist-Loser. Bring it.

Aug/17
2017

Joe Love is a fucking dick-brained asshole. The kind of asshole who flies a Nazi flag in front of his home in North Carolina. Why? Because in his words "this is Nazi fucking America."

Oh really? Well I have news for you Joe. It FUCKING ISN'T. And I would love, love, LOVE to see you take that Nazi flag and head right over to Arlington Cemetery and walk around with it. I DARE you to take that Nazi flag and stand on the side of a Veterans parade. I CHALLENGE you, fuck-face, to walk the streets of Manhattan on Hanukkah with that flag, in Times Square or Rockefeller Center with that flag.

I also suggest you pay up on your Obamacare because you're going to need medical help getting that flag out of your colon.

So listen Joe Ironically-Misnamed-Love: flying a Nazi flag means you're a fucking Nazi. You're a racist. You're a proponent of evil, hate and as un-American as Al Qaeda. It means you're terrorist. And you should be treated like one.

Good luck pin head. Because you're going to need one fucking hell of a lot of it in the future. Congratulations on your fame. It's going to haunt you. Probably forever.

Aug/13
2017

Dickhead isn't just a supporter to the angry-armed mob of white fascists, he's their god.

On Saturday, as Trump read slowly through a statement about the clashes that left dozens injured and one woman dead, he condemned hatred, bigotry and violence "on many sides." The president was silent when journalists asked whether he rejected the support of nationalist groups.

That silence was cheered by the white supremacist website Daily Stormer: "When asked to condemn, he just walked out of the room. Really, really good. God bless him." (AP)

There you go: The white right wants god to bless Dickhead Donald because he won't turn them away. These are the real Dickhead supporters, the ones who will follow and support him no matter what he says, does, did or will do.

Because he will let them hurt, threaten, abuse, menace and ultimately murder anyone who gets in their way. Or in Dickhead's way.

If Fucktard had a choice, THESE are the people he'd put in the senate, because fuck knows the House is already pretty damn close to these clowns.

Yes it's tRumpmerica, where being white, male and moneyed are the ONLY qualifications for citizenship. (Fine print: so long as you're Christian, not-sick, not educated, gun-loving and willing to look away from the pain and suffering of your fellow citizen, not to mention the world.)

tRump = hate. That's the bottom line.

Aug/12
2017

Dickhead's all "Oooh, I'm so surprised. Hugs anyone?"

President Donald Trump condemned "in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence on many sides".

"The hate and the division must stop right now," he told reporters, speaking in New Jersey, where he is on a working holiday. "We have to come together as Americans with love for our nation."[..]

Some observers also argue that Mr Trump's election to the White House re-energised the far right across the US. (BBC)

Who hated on immigrants? Who hated on women? Who hated on Hispanics, African-Americans and Muslims? Who made all these planks in his presidential campaign?

One guy. The guy who is now soooo astonished at the violence that came in his wake. YOU ARE the cause of all this hate mr. president, YOU'RE their hero. They may not have the money for people to write them speeches, to wear nice clothes or force-feed the press state-sponsored rhetoric, but they can do their best to imitate your worst.

And those are your "strong supporters" there Dickhead. Look in the mirror, their image is right there behind your big ugly mush. It's your party now fuckwad. Aren't you proud?

Aug/11
2017

And *I* don't think that anyone who is against old, white, asshole, conservative fucktards getting it up should pay for their prostrate exams or viagra either.

Aug. 10 (UPI) -- Texas lawmakers this week approved a bill that would require women to pay a separate health insurance premium to get coverage for elective abortions.

The bill will not allow exemptions for cases of fetal abnormalities, rape or incest, reported the Texas Tribune. It passed on a 95-51 vote Tuesday.

The bill's author, Republican state Rep. John Smithee, said abortion foes shouldn't contribute to abortion costs when they pay their health insurance bills to private health insurers.[..]

Democratic state Rep. Chris Turner said forcing women to pay extra to be covered in the case of a rape-induced pregnancy amounts to "rape insurance."

"Women don't plan to be raped. Parents don't plan for their children to be victims of incest," he said. "Asking a woman or a parent to foresee something like that and buy supplemental insurance to cover that horrific possibility is not only ridiculous, it is cruel."

Democratic State Rep. Donna Howard asked Smithee whether a 10-year-old girl who became pregnant after a rape should be forced to pay extra for health insurance, or go through with the pregnancy.

"We're discussing taking the life of the innocent little baby because of something the baby had nothing to do with," Smithee said, according to The Dallas Morning News.

Like that? Hey John Smithee (smithiee? smitey? schmucky? nah let's just go with fucking-assfaced-dickmunch-scumbag-womanhater), pardon let's use your NEW name: Hey Fucking-assfaced-dickmunch-scumbag-womanhater, you thought you were sooooo smart right? Because you're not denying women abortions, you're merely trying as hard as you can to make it as difficult as possible.

Also, an embryo isn't an "innocent little baby" shit head. It's an embryo. And women's bodies are THEIRS, not yours. Also you're going to lose that one in court because it's discriminatory to women to force them to carry an additional financial burden which only THEY have to have. Basically a womb-tax, for the crime of being able to get pregant.

So fuck you. Fuck your misogyny. Fuck your double standard. Fuck your intent to repress women and impose your own standard on what they can and can't do. Fuck you sideways with a rusty spoon which, hopefully, will get wedged, for putting further constraints on the poorest women who need the most help, not judgement, not forced pregnancy, not an end to their future, not a permanent memory of a CHOICE they are legally entitled to make.

Fuck you right to hell John fucking-assfaced-dickmunch-scumbag-womanhater Smithee. Oh, and have a nice day.

Aug/09
2017

Meet Ron. He just re-defined what an asshole is.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Sen. Ron Johnson suggested that fellow Republican Sen. John McCain's brain tumor and the after-midnight timing of the vote were factors in the Arizona lawmaker's decisive vote against the GOP health care bill.[..] "He has a brain tumor right now. That vote occurred at 1:30 in the morning. Some of that might have factored in," Wisconsin's Johnson said.

Well the GOP certainly headed right from the high points of Roman-esque glory right into the post-Nero conflagration. It's hard to believe that ANYONE would be so fucking disrespectful to a colleague. It's simply breathtaking. I would even go so far as to say that McCain even dead and zombified has more character, courage and capability than R-tard Ron.

Hey Ron. You suck. And you're an asshole. Gratz!

Aug/09
2017

He's got AC and unlimited beverages served on a silver platter. For the rest of the nation? Not so much...

Trump, who has called climate change a "total con job" and "hoax" perpetrated to harm U.S. economic competitiveness, has spearheaded a wholesale scrapping of Obama-era initiatives that sought to reduce carbon emissions from coal-fired power plants and other sources. Last week, Trump's administration formally told the United Nations that the U.S. intends to pull out of the international climate accord signed in 2015, in which nearly 200 nations pledged to reduce carbon emissions. (AP)

On the other hand, the people who stand to lose the most and suffer the most are located in the parts of the nation that were solidly for this shitbag. So. Let's see how that works out for them and theirs huh?

Jul/28
2017

I love this quote regarding the GOP on their attempts to re-write or re-whatever the ACA...

That prompted Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy to tweet: "Seriously, this is weapons grade bonkers. 3 Senators just announced they will vote for repeal only if assured it will never become law. (AP)

So let me get this straight, the GOP senators merely want to go on RECORD as voting yes so they can SAY they did something, but they're totally against the results of what they're voting for.

Well, tRump sure brought the stupid to the GOP and it looks like they're pretty much stuck with it. Kinda like the taxpayers are being stuck with over a billion for the "wall".

Great job guys, great fucking job.

Jul/27
2017

Scaramouche defended his boss by saying "Dickhead's [sic] not elite... he's pizza and cheese burgers." I wasn't aware that eating those things disqualifies you from the title of "elite".

Because he loves to chow down on delicious pizza and hamburgers, President Donald Trump is certainly not a member of the “elite” and can relate to the common man. At least that’s what new White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci claimed to a befuddled and questioning BBC reporter. (Newsweek)

So message to the world's elite out there: Spit out that burger! Stick your nose in the air when your limo drives by a pizza joint! The Man Has Spoken and the rule is now that you're NOT allowed to eat those things much less ENJOY them!

On the other hand, if eating those things (in the White House, hand-made, to order, whenever and wherever you like, on fine china with expensive beverages) denotes that you're not elitist then what do we call the people who cook and serve those for a living?

Oh yeah. Immigrants.

Jul/26
2017

I support LBGT.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Donald Trump abruptly declared a ban Wednesday on transgender troops serving anywhere in the U.S. military, catching the Pentagon flat-footed and unable to explain what it called Trump's "guidance." His proclamation, on Twitter rather than any formal announcement, drew bipartisan denunciations and threw currently serving transgender soldiers into limbo.

"Please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow Transgender individuals to serve in any capacity in the U.S. Military," the commander in chief tweeted.

Trump wrote that he had consulted with "my generals and military experts," but he did not mention Defense Secretary Jim Mattis, the retired Marine general who less than one month ago told the military service chiefs to spend another six months weighing the costs and benefits of allowing transgender individuals to enlist

Let's be clear:

  • Dickhead NEVER consulted with anyone, his statement is just another pathological lie
  • Trans troops exist, have existed and will continue to exist and do their job alongside their peers
  • "Hours of sensitivity training" as decried by shithead, religious fundies supports ALL non-white, non-male members of the armed forces and CONTINUES to be essential
  • Dickbag has the attention span of an amoeba and the intelligence of nearly the same, this is just another pretty distraction that caught his minuscule attention and aids NO one, except his freakshow followers

I do congratulate Dickhead in one area: consistency. He does manage to meet or exceed the WORST things imaginable. And many that are unimaginable too.

Jul/22
2017

Title brought to you by the Office of Redundancy Department.

A Florida man told police he "went bananas" after workers from a utility company parked their vehicles in front of his driveway while they carried out repair work. (BBC)

Florida. Guns. Assholes. These things add up to pure stupidity in its most refined form. Gunzerker was mad because a utility truck was in front of his driveway, but instead of using his words he just went out and shot the trucks. Because. This was WHILE the workmen were still trying to fix the issue that probably affected him as well.

His excuse? "He went bananas." Lovely. Lives are at risk and the only rationale is that a truck in front of your house makes you crazy.

Guns are bad. Fucking idiots with guns are lethal. Legality has nothing to do with it when people find it so easy to lose their temper and do asinine shit. It's not like you're going to overthrow anything with your damn guns anyway. All you're going to do is kill people because you went "bananas".

Jul/20
2017

Slavery and legal abortion? Both tragedies to the GOP. Except in the case of slavery it's not really that bad because slaves had it "better" back then. Women are trash who are less than slaves and only good beating and screwing. They have no place in politics, science or deciding their own future.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Senate has confirmed a Kentucky lawyer who equated abortion with slavery - calling them the "two greatest tragedies in our country" - to a lifetime appointment as a federal judge.

On a vote of 51-47, the Senate backed John Bush to serve on the Cincinnati-based 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals despite strong opposition from Democrats who said his blog posts under a pseudonym disqualified him.

Sen. Al Franken of Minnesota argued that Bush's writings made him "uniquely unqualified for the job."

But Bush was strongly supported by fellow Kentuckian Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who lectured Franken on the Senate floor.

McConnell called Bush "a man of integrity and considerable ability" and said that Franken needed to "think a little harder" before describing Bush as out of bounds.

Actually Mitch, you shriveled, turkey-necked, dick-faced tool, Al wasn't out of line at all. Appointing a total fuckwad who avows to represent ONLY men, with ONLY contempt for women is NOT representative of qualified judiciary. That you would support someone who is as clearly misogynistic and biased to a lifetime role just demonstrates your complete lack of support for women.

GOP war on women? Yes. It's a thing. And Mitch is happy to be the standard bearer for the part that hates. Fuck you Mitch, fuck you and your tiny, shriveled, dick-brain.

Jul/14
2017

Tami thought that with a sexist, racist fuckwad in the White House she can be JUST like Dickhead. Only she can't.

A racist AirBnB host who discriminated against an Asian guest has been fined $5,000 - and told she must attend a course on Asian-American studies.

Tami Barker cancelled Dyne Suh’s booking, telling her in a message: "One word says it all. Asian.”[..]

Ms Barker cancelled Ms Suh’s booking shortly before the 26-year-old was due to arrive at the location in Big Bear, California, the DFEH said.

In messages sent via the AirBnB app, Ms Barker said: "I wouldn’t rent it to u if u were the last person on earth.” Later, she added: “I will not allow this country to be told what to do by foreigners” and “It’s why we have Trump”. (BBC)

Guess what Twatty Tammi? YOU do NOT win, You do NOT get tRump, You do NOT pass GO, You do NOT get $200 but what you do get is a reputation for being a TOTAL FUCKING CUNT aaaaand... a chance to go to remedial human-school for shithead, fucktards like yourself.

Yes, America might be lavishing attention on the worst, most horrible, most hateful, most ridiculous shitheads the nation has ever had, but YOU are just a REGULAR asshole, not rich, not famous and not forgiven. YOU get to play by the same rules as the rest of us.

Tough Twat Tami!

Jul/12
2017
  1. Actually no one was going to take it, even if it was empty
  2. Actually no one would even want it

Mr Trump tweeted that his decision to allow his daughter to take his seat at the meeting in Hamburg was "very standard".

He also said the media would have cheered "CHELSEA FOR PRES!" if Hillary Clinton had made the same choice.

Chelsea Clinton tweeted back that her parents would never have done so. (BBC)

Boor. No one is as uncouth, unclass, unmannered as a tRump. You're not the first family, you're less than last.

Fail.

Jul/09
2017

Apparently when you set the bar low enough, everyone feels compelled to lower their standards. I guess this is why we have the term "lowest common denominator."

July 7 (UPI) -- Vice President Mike Pence, who ignored a "Do Not Touch" sign during a tour of NASA's Kennedy Space Center this week, blamed his viral faux pas on Marco Rubio.

On Thursday, Pence was photographed with his hand on a piece of flight hardware belonging to the Orion spacecraft. A sign just above Pence's hand read: "Critical Space Flight Hardware 'DO NOT TOUCH.'" The event was captured on film and quickly spread across news outlets and social media.

Apparently Mama Pence didn't slap little Mikey hard enough when he was a tyke, because the first lesson of visiting never fully registered. When shit says "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH" it applies to everyone else AND you.

It's nice to see the arrogance and stupidity being demonstrated by the current executives setting the standard for US enshrined in all aspects of their behavior. When presented with the honor of seeing the best space technology the nation has to offer, they act like brats even going to far as to point fingers at each other instead of being adults and taking responsibility for their own stupidity.

Hey Pence, I dare you to go touch a grizzly bear in Yellowstone! Go on, please? Or dare Rubio to. Either way.

Jul/06
2017

Because stupid people do stupid things with their stupid guns.

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) -- Authorities say an argument between two Indianapolis-area neighbors, including one riding a lawnmower, escalated into across-the-fence gunfire.

A video provided by the Johnson County prosecutor's office shows the two trading insults June 27 before 59-year-old Jeffrey S. Weigle - apparently cutting grass at the time - pulls out a handgun.

The video then shows 49-year-old Indianapolis firefighter Dean Keller fire his gun and Weigle returning fire.

Ok these two guys, who are clearly old enough to know better, wind up endangering themselves and others because they got into an argument. Really. If they didn't have the guns I'm willing to bet that neither one would have gotten off their duff to get a stick, bat, rake, bow and arrow, rock or whatever to attack the other person. It would have been too much damn work.

But pulling out a gun and pointing it? Easy. It's the lazy-man's deterrent but it sure the fuck didn't work now did it? It's stupid and they're stupid. In fact the whole thing is just too stupid to go on about.

Jul/02
2017

Dickhead Donald doesn't have much of an attention span or intellectual capacity. So it stands to reason that the National Enquirer is his reading material of choice. The sad truth is their relationship goes far beyond that.

Mr Trump is a good friend to the Enquirer and vice versa. He has penned self-aggrandising first-person pieces for the magazine and can reportedly be relied on to deliver a small sales boost when he's on the cover.

He is also quite literally a friend to the magazine's owner, David Pecker, chief executive of publisher American Media Incorporated. The two have been close for decades. During the campaign, Mr Trump was the beneficiary of the magazine's first presidential endorsement in its 90-year history.

Here are some recent Enquirer cover stories on the president: "How Trump will win!"; "Trump takes charge!"; and "Trump must build the wall!". (BBC)

The tabloid rag is just that, a tabloid rag. No one has ever quoted the shitter-paper without trying to make a joke out of it. Fun point: Dickhead, in his elevation of the "paper" has made HIMSELF a joke by using the paper as a means to spread his cult of personality.

Again, this is what tRumpanzees wanted, a "president" who makes positive headlines only in a media form that believes in children slaves on Mars, that Justice Scalia was murdered by a hooker and that there are survivors still alive in the Titanic waiting to be saved.