Rou

4 steps.

Blinker on.
Look for traffic.
Change lanes / Get into turn lane
Blinker off

That's all. It’s not rocket science

I don’t know why step 3 is such a hurdle for other drivers. Move over. It’s easy.

But for some reason, people don’t get it. Some of them just never finish the slide. They leave one set of tires in the original lane in perpetuity.

The alternative is just as bad. They do the world slowest drift into the other lane. Skilled practitioners can drag this lane change out over the course of three to four miles of highway.

I have many solutions to this problem. My preferred solution involves twin barrel .50 caliber rotating miniguns firing incendiary rounds. My girlfriend insists that this is illegal, for some unknown reason. One of my friends solution is to pass them as closely as possible, with bonus points if you can tap his side mirror with yours. Still another suggestion is to get as close as possible and suddenly rev your engine as loudly as possible, or to lay on the horn.

Somehow, it lacks the joy of miniguns. God damn laws.

That's right 13 pages.

2 pages of warranty info. 6 pages of button instructions. 1 page on the interface. 4 pages on everything else.

That's a break down of EA's instruction manual for Madden 2007. It could be worse I suppose. EA doesn't even bother with instruction manuals for the Sims.

I really think EA owns Prima or Brady Guides or something. Because instead of making their own manuals, they just push the guides on people. If you want to know how to change obscure settings or find out the how to do something, you're pretty much on your own unless you shell out the extra $20 they want for a guidebook.

Drives me up a wall. I'm not asking for a massive instruction manual, but you should have more than a paragraph for each game mode, particularly when so many things have changed from the previous editions.

So, here it is: Fuck you EA. I hope you die in a fire. If you need help figuring out how to do that, I'm willing to draw you a picture.

Reaching back into the vault for some old school ranting here.

I enjoy many roles when I play video games. In UT, I was a flag runner. And a damn sneaky one too. In 2k*, I moved into the world of flag defense. When I RPG, I switch between warriors, mages, clerics and thieves pretty randomly. In Madden, I go back and forth with all sorts of players. I pick a role and generally set about doing it to the best of my ability.

Regardless of my role in the game, I step back and consider my objectives carefully. I look at things from multiple perspectives. Not just how to achieve my goal, how my opponent will attempt to achieve his. Sometimes denying your opponent his objective is just as effective as a defeating him.

All of which brings us around to the point of the post: just because you can’t beat me doesn’t mean I’m cheating. It doesn’t mean that I’m lame. And it doesn’t mean I’m a one trick pony.

You see, if I’m defending a flag and you can’t seem to take it, it could be that your method of assault is flawed, or that you have not adapted a counter strategy to my defense. If my cornerback intercepts every other pass you throw, maybe you need to consider new efforts at disguising your targeted receiver. And just because I have a powerful RPG character doesn’t mean that I cheated or camped to make him that way.

Sometimes, things are the way they are because you failed to do your job. Sometimes it’s because I succeeded in achieving mine.

It doesn’t matter which explanation is true. Either way, I don’t appreciate being called a camper. Or a cheater. Botter. Hacker. Munchkin. Exploiter. Or any of the millions of other excuses I’ve heard over the years. None of them are true, despite your need to assuage your wounded pride. On top of all of that, I have a girlfriend of many years, a good job, a healthy social life, and I don’t spend all day playing games. I also don’t live in my mother’s basement and I’m not thirteen years old.

The truth is that I beat you. My game was better than yours. Maybe I was faster, quicker, or just plain smarter about it, but in the end, the scorecard tells the tale. So quit your bitching already. Suck it up. You lost. You can continue making excuses for why you got ass raped.

Alternatively, you can accept it, figure out what you did wrong and maybe try to correct it.

Until then, you’re just going to be a little bitch.

I rant to relieve stress. I rant to voice concerns. I rant because it’s cathartic. I rant because sometimes I feel like screaming in frustration. I rant because the world deserves to be ranted about.

However, I can honestly say that tonight I experienced an oddity while I wrote my rant.

I suddenly felt that my rant might not be fit for publication. Not that it was flawed or incoherent. But that my readers might react sharply to it. Some would probably disagree dramatically. Others would only disagree a little. In all likelihood, everyone would feel as if some portion of it targeted their viewpoint a little.

About halfway through my fourth or fifth revision of my rant, where I was yet again attempting to remove some of the more dramatic areas of disagreement, I decided that it’s not worth it. It's current form probably won't set off the disagreements the orginal would have, but I don't want to water it down. A watered down version doesn't relieve my urge to scream at the sky.

I don’t feel like fighting to defend my point of view. I don’t feel like offending the readers and dealing with their complaints. And I don’t feel like watering down my rants to avoid either of them. So it sits quietly as a draft.

Somewhat to my annoyance, but probably for the best. Maybe typing my diatribe, just for myself, is enough. I suppose it will have to be.

Seriously people.

That face in your cheese sandwich... it's not the Virgin Mary. It's not Jesus. And it's not Elvis. I swear. That pile of melted chocolate... yeah, it's not Mary either.

I don't understand people who find these things. I can't understand why they tell other people. I don't know why those people don't laugh their ass off at the nutter. I don't get why still other people journey to see the cheese sandwich. I don't get why some of them fork over money to see it.

Sure, I can squint at the water stain on your bathtub or under a freeway overpass and try to see Mary there. Helps if I'm looking for it already, or just trying to figure out what the original nutter saw.

But really, it's not mystical or divine. It's a water stain.

I'm sure there is a mental disconnect that prevents me from understanding these things.

In the end, particularly with the Virgin Mary things, I’m just confused. Putting aside the fact that we have no idea what Mary looked like beyond the model that the Catholic Church made up centuries ago, I'm faced with a couple of other big hurdles between myself and enlightenment. First off, why are we paying homage to an idol? Pretty sure there were some rules against that. Second, even assuming you get past the idol thing, the chosen image is pretty vague and well... easily confused with a pile of melted chocolate. Finally, getting past all of that, what is the religious significance of Mary hanging out under a freeway or in a chocolate factory? What enlightenment does that give us? Unless we're thinking she just slipped in for a quick treat, proving that women have always liked chocolate?

No doubt, part of my disillusionment with it is that I don’t get a spiritual connection with Mary. She doesn’t represent a significant being in my religious world view. But even assuming a religious equivalent could be found dripped on the floor, I don’t think I would do much more than think that it was kinda neat. I suppose we could expect worshippers of Cthulhu to have intense reactions to a mini version of him. But I can help but think that I wouldn’t get worked up about it. Certainly not enough to notify the press and have a story run.

Who else could I be talking about. Oh yes, it's Jack 'little bitch' Thompson. It's been a little while since I gave this man the ranting he so richly deserves. You might remember him from previous rants:

A Pox On Him I say
A Tool By Any Other Name
Hit the Road Jack

So, what has dick-for-brains done now? He’s filed a lawsuit against RockStar games. Yes, again. Nothing unusual, same old Jack-be-not-so-quick-and-not-at-all-nimble, right? This time, he’s demanded ala court order, that RockStar hand over a copy of it’s upcoming game Bully so that Jack can review it and determine if it’s fit for release. And if the court refuses to give that order, he’s going to seek a Congressional subpoena.

He’s a fucking idiot. And what’s worse, he’s acting as if he’s some sort of moral compass for the rest of us. Listen to this horseshit:

so that its content can be fairly assessed by someone, prior to its commercial release, other than a) a hand-picked member of the media and b) the ESRB with its history of, at best, ineptitude in analyzing the content of Take-Two products... If Bully is indeed safe for children's play, then petitioner (Thompson) will be the first to say so."

That’s from the legal request. He actually wrote that steaming pile of cow dung down and filed it to a court. I swear he got his degree from a crackerjack box.

I can’t even remotely figure out how he believes the court will grant this. He’s a private citizen. Rockstar is a private company. What legal statute would allow the court to force the company to give him the game before they release it? What’s he expecting here? The company is perfectly correct in telling him to go felch a goat. He’s not a moral guideline for their customers. Even if he somehow was, he specifically mentioned that he was demanding this on behalf of the children. Well, fuck nugget, if you think about that for a minute you’ll realize that like GTA and many other games out there, this game could be rated M for Mature (18+). So your pompous ass doesn’t need to worry about a mother fucking thing.

Sheep shagging mother fucker.

I know it’s a parking lot. I know there are pedestrians. Hell, I give you the Right of Way out of politeness.

However, there is a limit to my kindness. A fine line that I don’t accept.

So, to the overly fat woman, walking down the middle of the road, cell phone attached to her ear, swerving back and forth to prevent any car from getting past her, I say a pox upon thee. I know you’re on your cell phone. I know you’re a fat. But still, something less than a CAR WIDTH.

However, you’re in the middle of the thoroughfare. Not even an actual parking lane; this is the road to out of the parking lot toward the highway. There is a sidewalk, just 3 yards to your left AND right. Pick one and get your ass on it. Just because your ass is big enough for a bumper sticker doesn’t mean you’re afforded the right to take up a car lane.

I made a decision while sitting behind you waiting for you. Next time, I’m either going to push you with my bumper, or get as close as I can and lay on the horn so you die of a heart attack.

I don’t like people. Have I mentioned that?

Something about my personality abhors surrender. I don’t need to be the best or first. But I refuse to give up without doing my damnedest first.

This is particularly true when it comes to dealing with helpdesks and billing departments. When they lie to me, attempt to confuse me, or string me along in an attempt to get me to go away, I won’t. I become more annoying, but I don’t go away. I don’t have a problem demanding a manager or asking for a higher tier of service.

It works pretty well. It might take a little bit more time than you expected, but it generally works out.

I don’t understand people that give up or just deal with it. For example, I was playing the hilarious clip about the guy trying to cancel his AOL account today. And this guy pipes up with “Oh, I tried to cancel mine a year ago. I gave up. Still have the damn thing”.

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t help it. So, he spent over a hundred dollars on a service he doesn’t want or use because it’s too much of a pain to cancel? Over here in Rou-town, that doesn’t work for me. I mean, it’s wrong. Just wrong. Not only are you paying for something you don’t want, you’re REWARDING the company for having crappy customer service. You’re encouraging them to keep it up.

Don’t get it. Doubt I ever will.

I’ve read a number of posts, threads and comments recently with a similar train of thought. Various contexts, but same underlying idea: The US legal system is founded from the 10 Commandments listed in the Bible.

Honestly, the concept annoys me. Not just because I’m not a particularly religious person, but because it’s simply not true.

First off, of the 10 commandments, only 4 found their way into law: Murder, theft, adultery and perjury. Adultery isn’t even illegal across the board, and it’s generally not enforced as felony. Ditto for perjury. The other 6 are disregarded by most of the western world. I mean, if it was the basis, you’d think more than 40% of it would have become standard. Besides, Americans live to Covet. It’s part of the American Dream to want more than you have. Immoral perhaps, but hardly illegal.

Our nation was founded mostly by Christians, it’s true. But the guidelines they used were not religious in nature. Many of our legal structures paralleled laws taken from European law, specifically English Common Law.

The problem with accepting the Commandments as the ultimate source is this: the four applicable Commandments were considered illegal long before Moses got his slabs. The Commandments were given as Divine Law to the Hebrews around 1200-1400 BCE. Hammurabi’s Code, written in 1780 BCE, lists the punishments for murder, theft and adultery. Egyptian Book of the Dead codified similar ideas as the Commandments hundreds of years earlier as well.

Aztecs has laws against adultery, murder and theft. They were totally isolated from changes in the rest of the world. They didn’t get the benefit of Hammurabi’s Code or a Pharaoh’s decree. They came up with these ideas on their own. I suppose you could say the concepts followed them back to the tribal days predating their journey from Asia into N. America. But that still predates most of civilization and the Commandments.

I think that shows that these concepts can’t be narrowed down to a single source document. It seems to me that these ideas are natural ideas required for civilization to advance out of anarchy. Trying to tie them to a single religious point of view and then forcing a nation to accept it as the Source of Law is arrogant and misguided.

I don’t have a problem with people accepting the Commandments and living their life by them. For the most part, they’re not a bad set of guidelines to follow. But I don’t buy into the concept that they are the foundation of the US legal system. Perhaps they are a PORTION of the foundation, but not a keystone or origin. The evidence indicates that civilization has considered them crimes for far longer. And importantly, man considered murder, theft, perjury and adultery as criminal acts without needing to look at the Bible for a reference.

Alright. First off, I love this site. I get to smack down people that deserve it, and I don’t even have to hire a lawyer to get them to drop the charges.

However, I admit. I have one problem with this place. The blacklist. OMG. It kills me. It’s grown to a fairly massive size and it seems to have a handful or really innocuous words in it. I know, it stops spammers, which I like and all. But there really needs to be some way around it for authorized members or something.

I can’t explain how much time I’ve spent trying to fix a comment so that it will post. It would be so bad if it told you why it wasn’t allowing your comment. But instead it just says “Invalid comment”. Which leads to the whole abortion series we had a few posts ago.

I'm just glad I figured out how to do it myself instead of having to cry for help every time. Ditto with removing comment spam from the site en masse.

I dunno. Maybe a CAPTCHA or something similar. Those aren’t entirely effective, but the blacklist in its current state is only slightly better. I’m hoping the new version of b2e will be more reliable. I think it’s in beta now, so I’m crossing my fingers.

Balancing the annoyance of the protections use versus the annoyance of spammers is difficult, I know. And lord knows those little spamming bots can be a real pain in the ass.

I don’t want to sound bitchy, and my heart isn’t really in this for a full scale rant. Mostly it’s just a little venting about the blacklist’s overzealous nature from time to time.

Please don’t kill me u235!!!

For the last 45 minutes, I’ve been listening to a coworker complaining about her husband of 5 years. Apparently, she found his porn folder. Horrors of horrors it contained… pictures of naked women. She’s horrified. She feels betrayed. She thought about calling out sick today so she could try to get a grip on herself (her words; my pun). She’s nearly broken into tears a few times so far. She thinks he doesn’t love her. That he thinks she’s ugly. She’s afraid that he’s doing the 5 knuckle shuffle because he doesn’t want her anymore. She thinks it’s the same as cheating on her

Oh, it makes my head hurt.

It’s ok to look at porn. I swear. If it’s not your cup of tea, that’s fine. But there is a leap I’ve never really understood: why does one person’s desire to look at porn somehow detract from the relationship with the partner?

Now, I’ll give the caveat that there are people with ‘porn addictions’ that do have a serious problem in their relationship. But just watching porn or enjoying porn doesn’t mean that they hate you. It could be that they just felt like flogging the bishop or doing the two fingered tango (equal opportunity here) for a few minutes. Of course, I suppose anyone that has a problem with porn may not like pounding the pud much either.

I enjoy watching porn. I have a nice collection. It’s fun. It’s happy. It’s HARMLESS. So is wanking. I’ll take sex over it anytime though. But shaking hands with Mr. Happy from time to time never hurt anyone

So lady, sooner or later you’ve got to come to grips (haha) with the fact that your husband enjoys a perfectly normal pastime. And it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or isn’t attracted to you. It means he likes to look at naked women. Maybe strangle the serpent some. It also doesn’t come CLOSE to being unfaithful. Trust me when I say there is a WORLD of difference between the two. Rosie and her five sisters aren’t the same as picking up a bar slut and taking her to a motel.

I suggest you step back, and talk about it with your husband. I doubt you’ll get him to stop. Possible, but unlikely. More likely that he’ll just hide it better. But it’s important to let him know your feelings on it so both of you can understand each other. Mostly, I think you need to get over it.

PS: I don’t even want to think about the number of times I typed pron instead of porn and had to fix it. And yes, I was trying to work in as many euphemisms as possible is such a small article!