Rou

He’s out there. Somewhere. Among the great masses of humanity, he’s out there, among us. I know he meant to be helpful. He meant to stride forward and improve the world.

What he built was one of the more annoying communications devices ever. The users love it. They have no problem using it all damn day long. The problem is, those users bring the rest of us along for the ride.

What do I speak of? Oh, it’s the Walkie Talkie phone. In an ideal universe, these things are wonderful. Cheaper. Easier. The works.

But in practice, some users need to be shot. On sight. No warning. Just all of the sudden, shotgun to the face.

You see, the problem these people have is that they are DEAF. They must be. Because the volume on these things is high enough to block out jet engines. They’re holding them are arms length screaming back and forth. They bring all of us into their conversation. To make matters worse, every sentence ends with that even louder CHIRP! As if the 120 decibel conversations wasn’t enough to piss you off.

It’s another wonderful advancement that is destroyed by the inconsiderate wretches that use it.

CHIRP
Oh yeah. I heard Sally was sick.
CHIRP
Yeah. She’s out not at work today
CHIRP
Has anyone called her?
CHIRP
Don’t think so
CHIRP
Heh.
CHIRP
So, what’s the plan for lunch?
CHIRP
Dunno
CHIRP
Wanna grab something?
CHIRP
Sure
CHIRP
Where?
CHIRP
Geno’s?
CHIRP
Nah
CHIRP
Pats?
CHIRP
Nah.
CHIRP
Fine. You pick.
CHIRP

I swear, they must die. Horribly. Something very slow, and painful. I’m open to suggestions.