Rou

You know, I don't normally break out rantage for a local issue halfway around the world. It doesn't affect me. Unless someone around here decides to follow its lead. And I'd like to think that wouldn't happen. I'd like to think that. I really would.

This rant is focuses on that little island across the pond. Merry ol' England. Specifically their credit card companies. More specifically, Barclaycard. So settle in, grab a cup of hot chocolate and listen to my tale.

A short time ago, in nation across the sea, there was a huge company called Barclaycard that gave credit to those that needed it. For some time, it had been investigated by the Crown for claims concerning over-charges and strangely calculated interest fees. But thus far, it has survived and managed to assure that Queen that nothing improper had occurred.

But because of these problems, the company began to notice a disturbing trend. Perhaps due to their draconian late fee charges and brutal interest rates, their customers realized how that there was an easy way. A large number of them took to paying their bill on time, in full, every single month. Imagine THAT! Which means… the bank doesn’t get to rake in the piles of money for the CEOs. Without the piles of money, there was no place for the wild one-armed midget orgies they enjoyed so much. And they were very sad.

So they huddled in groups and thought about it. What could they do? Then, one disturbingly evil person had an idea. A light bulb flashed on inside his mind and a nefarious plot was hatched. Something so insidious, so rotten, so foul that Kenneth Lay would look on in wonder. Adelphia, AOL, even Paypal; none of them thought of this. WorldCom would be humbled. The British would show the Yankees that there was no monopoly on evil ideas.

He whispered his idea into the huddle, and they knew at once, this idea was perfection. They bowed before his wretchedness, and then scurried back into the dark chambers to set their minions in motion.

What dark idea grew in that cesspool inside his mind? Just this: They pay their bill on time because they know when it’s due. Since we can’t stop them from paying their bill, let’s change when it’s due!!! Ah, but what if they notice? He had answer for this as well.

Do it subtly so if they just glance at the bill, they won’t notice that it’s due a week earlier than usual. So simple. So elegant. So slimy. If they continue to make the payment, move it around some more. Eventually they’ll slip up. But you know, you don’t want to do it to everyone. Just the people that pay their bills like they should. Punish those damn goodie goodies! No debt? Pah They can fix that!

I wish I could say that our story ends with a happy ending. I wish I could say that the Queen thrashed them with her scepter and hurled them down into the Abyss. I wish I could say that, but I can’t. Not all fairy tales end with the witch losing. Not all demons are vanquished. And not every child gets away from their evil stepmother.