Rou

So, I'm browsing the web, minding my own damn business... well... as much as a professional Ranter can mind his own damn business. And I settle on a page to read an article about… global warming or some such. Anyway, this site has an ad for Pizza Hut. Not just a banner, but a video much like a normal TV commercial with a Jessica Simpson jingle and all.

This commercial bothered me on two levels. The first is the product. The second is the song. We'll come back to the song.

The product is Cheesy Bites Pizza. The basic gist is that instead of pizza crust, they surround the edge of the crust with a bunch of mozzarella stick/ cheese stick little… bites. Ordinarily, I approve of adding cheese to food. But I have to say that as months go by, Pizza Hut seems more and more desperate to add it in new ways. And quite frankly, adding it in unnecessary ways.

Pizza is not a complicated meal. Pizza requires no frills. In its base form, it has dozens of potential toppings. It can be served hot or cold. It takes little effort to procure. You can even get a quality frozen It’s simplicity in food form. The “crust replacement” that Pizza Hut has been pushing recently just seems to be a tactic to distract the target audience from the fact that as a brand, they have failed to create decent pizza. And really, pizza isn’t that tough to get right. Maybe less time of stupid frills, more time on the basics.

Onto part two of this rant. The jingle they chose. You see, Jessica Simpson bastardized “These Boots Are Made For Walking” in her recent movie release. And has further bastardized it into “One of these days these bites are gonna pop right into you” Now, think about that lyric a little. Not too much, your head might explode. Think of the number of ad execs, writers, managers, and such type that looked at it. And none of them thought to mention that it’s fucking stupid? I should be used to that given my management here, but somehow, that still hurts my head. Beyond the stupidity of the lyric, is the irony of the spokesperson here. Jessica Simpson. AKA Ms Pencil. Advertising for a pizza that contains over 2 times your daily recommended dose of fat per SLICE. Yes, I understand the marketing reason for it (coughBOOBScough), but the irony amazes me.

But to sum up my main point: Pizza is a remarkably simplistic food item. Things like this… just seem tawdry.