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… and back away slowly. That’s right, you little rectal warts. Leave the fucking beer alone. That means you Sen. Alter.

You see, over in Missouri, this piece of excrement has decided that the best way to curb drinking and driving is simple. Make a law that prevents the sale of cold beer. He decided that all beer sold should be over 60 degrees. That way, you can’t drink it right away. And he’s serious. The little ass spelunker believes that bullshit so much that he’s submitted the bill.

Will this reduce DUIs? Fuck no. I can’t even imagine a situation where this could do any real good. How many DUIs are caused because a guy drank a cold beer he picked up at the liquor store? Gut Check Survey says… it can’t be fucking many. I mean, how many people go from sober to drunk on the ride back from the store? I just don’t see that as a large segment of the DUI arena. And the people it would cover… will probably just drink warm beer. This won’t reduce drinking and driving. It will just piss me off when I can’t grab a cold 12-pack 30 minutes before my buddies drop by.

But hey, he’s a state senator. I’m sure he studied and researched the idea carefully before he decided to put the bill up for consideration, right? I mean, it’s not like he just asked some random ten year old kid for an idea and took it.

Wait, what? What was that? Oh………..He did? Uh-huh….. You know, that actually explains a lot.

You read that right. He asked fifth graders for ideas for new laws. Sen. Butt-munch here looked at the top three answers, and picked one. Wrote it up into legalese and tossed it into the state senate.

Un-

Fucking-

Believable.

By the way, dillhole here is supposed to be a conservative. I don’t much care about political affiliation, but what the fuck ever happened to the idea of small government anyway? Does that just not fucking exist anymore? Jesus Fuck Christ. People… work with me here. At least pretend you’re not making up laws just to pass the time.

In case all of the above wasn’t clear, let me close with this final though.

Get your god damn dirty government hands off my cold beer.