Rou

There is a code. Oh yes. And it must be followed. The rules are set in stone, and may not be re-written. There may not be much in the way of penalties, but it must be followed none the less.

What code do I speak of? The Urinal Code. Technically, bathroom code would be more accurate as it covers all interaction in the restroom, but it does not apply to women. Why, I do not know, but it doesn’t and that is enough for me.

The cardinal rule of the urinal code: SILENCE. The mob calls it Omertá: The code of silence. While at the urinal, all communication is stopped. Between strangers, it is as if they do not exist. No eye contact. Nothing. Between close friends, a conversation will stop entirely, and the only acknowledgement may be a quick head nod. I have heard females indicate that they have actually talked to one another between stalls. Such an act in a male restroom is unforgivable.

The second rule is selection. This is complicated. There is a large and diverse collection of rules governing which urinal and which stall you may choose. If you are the only occupant, the rule is simple. Furthest from the door. The second occupant must then choose from there. You see, unless every other option is unavailable, you never take the urinal next to another guy. It’s not right. From there, there rules get more complicated. You can take this one but not that one. Not too close, but not too far. Frankly, most men don’t bother beyond the first part. It’s understandable.

There are a number of minor ones that accompany those, but those are the major points. Don’t talk, and don’t stand next to me.

I’m mystified whenever I encounter a person who violates those rules. For all the women out there, I know… the rules may seem odd. But trust me, it’s right up there with ‘Don’t date your best friends ex-”. They’re simple rules. Everyone knows them. Or so I thought.

Which is why today, I was struck by the oddity of not just one person, but two people talking when I entered the bathroom. They carried on merrily and ever tried to drag me into the conversation. Very strange. But they weren’t done yet. One of them entered a stall and continued talking while sitting on the can. Then.. we ventured well out of the norm. The guy on the can received a call on his cell. And beyond that, ANWSERED the damn thing. WTF. I mean, eww. Come on people, even if you disrespect the Urinal code, that’s going too damn far.

Ok, let me give you a lesson here. If I ever call someone in the bathroom, I’m OK with them not responding until they’re finished. End of lesson.

Très bizarre.