Rou

There exist people in the world that need to die. Not just casually, or because of a single moment of weakness. I’m not talking murders or rapists or world leaders. They may need to die as well, but I feel a more perfect hatred for a certain subset of humanity. In fact, I daresay their actions have placed them outside the race of humans. They are subhuman sludge.

Who could these vile specimens be? Advertisers.

Oh yes. They must die. And so must all who aid them in their quest to detract from my life. The man who decided that the Burger King ‘King’ was a good idea: DEATH! The Six Flags guy: DEATH! The man who said ‘We could make the ads pop up in a separate window’: DEATH! The man who had the idea that mouse roll over ads might work: DEATH! The punk ass bitch who figured out that if you send out a million spam emails, you’ll get 50 suckers: DEATH! The Levis jeans ads that don’t ever actually show you the jeans: DEATH! I accept no substitutes!

Ads on buses. Ads in magazines. Ads on websites. Even more annoying ads in websites. Ads on TV. Ads in email. Ads ads, ads! Everywhere. I’m sick and fucking tired of ads inundating me everywhere I go.

I don’t even have a problem with relatively normal ads. But over the years they seem to have gotten dumber and dumber. They’ve gone further and further off topic. Annoying jingles, stupid characters, idiotic situations. I mean, I ask you: When was the last time a daughter asked her mom about douche while walking on the beach? Huh? HUH!? Or the last time your mailman gave you some friendly advice on cough syrup? What the fuck! Where do they come up with these ideas?

Don’t even get me started on the drug commercials. I mean, they list a random drug name. Half the time they don’t tell you what it’s for. Then they list a wide variety of side effect like anal leakage, depression, fear of heights and death. Most of the time, they’re worse then the problem they cure. It’s crazy.

Fucking advertisers. Fucking people who HELP advertisers. That’s right pal. Mr. webmaster who figured out how to do pop up ads, I’m looking at you! Death to the whole lot of you.