Odessa

We humans are by nature at least somewhat social creatures and crave some sort of interaction. Baring the occasional true hermit, this desire to be social drives us as individuals to form groups. Each individual may belong to many groups, some formed by deliberate choice, such as social groups, and others we have no choice about, like the family we are born into.

Groups and the individuals in them evolve, change or the members and their mores just weren't what they initially appeared to be. In response, the other individuals in the group can evolve, change or accept in order to remain with the group. Sometimes the required change or the acceptance goes against an individual's grain. Sometimes the behavior is counter the individual's sense of right or wrong. Sometimes is it erosive of an individual's sense of self worth. The atmosphere becomes very uncomfortable for an individual or two, but the desire to be with a particular group causes individuals to deal with the discomfort - The benefit outweighs the costs to the individual.

A single incident seldom triggers an epiphany that something is not right. Single incidents are usually so trivial that they can be overlooked and forgotten. It is the incidents over time, the pattern, that make the individual realize that this is the way things are and they way they will be. These incidents can ignite a reaction in an individual, many times those reactions are not pretty or well thought out. When the situation escalates to that point, change must occur. That change may manifests as an individual leaving since the cost of staying in the group has become greater than the benefit.

I am at the point of leaving a group of which I have grown fond of many of the other members. I must leave rather than feel that I am being marginalized on a regular basis by a few of the other individuals who wield a significant amount of influence. Some do not understand the cause of my angst, either by not being present when it occurs or due to perception. It has been suggested I talk to the individuals who have hurt me. Unfortunately, I think those individuals care little how much it has hurt me to be pushed aside and have my contributions trivialized. It also rips at my sense of fairness to see them do it to others - but that is a completely different issue.

I am lucky - I have other friends. Although I neglected or lost contact with others while I was devoting a bulk of my energies to this other group, my old friends welcomed me with open arms and a willingness to help. I feel truly like the prodigal daughter returning home. It is nice to feel wanted again. I hope that I can maintain a connection to those individuals I still care about in the group I am leaving, but only time will tell.