Odessa

I first posted on 5/19/05 about my neighbor and her distain for my shed. I have been very lax in my updates, so here it goes:

I applied for a variance, which the zoning board denied. Even when the zoning board attempted to be reasonable, my neighbor said: "I don't want to look at the shed." So now my father has moved the shed for me. I am in compliance with the laws. I may be compliant, but that doesn't mean complacent.

To avoid future problems that this woman's inability to mind her own business could cause, I decided to build a fence. For years the crazy old bat (COB from now on) talked about deed restrictions prohibiting fences and clotheslines. I found out they were all a fantasy in her own mind (and she denied saying it in front of the zoning board). After ensuring that our fence plans were legal, the actual fence building got underway.

First step - Sight the property line. My father got a metal detector and tried to locate the metal pipes that were supposedly marking the corners. COB asked: "What are you looking for?" Father: "None of your fucking business." COB: "I know where the property line is." Father: "I know where it is, too."

Second step - Trim back branches on her beloved trees. Turns out I had an additional five feet of property I didn't know I had until her overgown trees were trimmed back. I actually have a side yard!

Third step - Start putting in posts. My father has had a devil of a time finding places to dig post holes where there are not copious numbers of tree roots. This has lent itself to rather irregular spacing of the sections of six-foot stockage fence. All of which COB will get to enjoy since the unfinished side is facing her. Plus my father was able to get a great deal on "seconds" at Home Depot.

Forth step - Put up sections of fencing. But wait! My mother and father felt the urge to express themselves artistically and what a better media than a blank fence! And express themselves they did - a frowny face, googly eyes, and commentary. I unfortunately did not get to see most of it, but I know that the State Trooper my neighbor called thought it was impressive, so have a couple of town employees.

Now the third and forth steps have gone back a forth. During an early iteration (before the artistic streak), COB came over and said: "You're doing a nice job, you saved me the effort of putting up a fence up." Father: "You fucking liar." This prompted the first call to the State Troopers. Trooper told my father that he can not curse at her. But at least trooper told her that she should not look at or talk to my father.

When the art work started going up, then the parade of emotional support for COB started. She had three days of continious visitors. Evidently she didn't want to be as alone as I was during my appearence infront of the zoning board.

Town officials have seen the artwork - its compliant with code, which is nearly non-existent for fences. Evidently it is the talk of the town. The town superintendent stopped by today, at my mother's request. We wanted to complain about one of the building inspectors. The supervisor said he HAD to come, against the town attorney's advice and was sorely tempted to see the other side. Evidently, my father has a reputation now for being a lunatic (not entirely unfounded, but he only selectively targets his lunacy) The supervisor found the whole thing amusing.

Well, Dad still has a couple of segments left - I need to go grab that can of spray paint and let the creative juices flow . . . .