Abba Zabba

I hate sports. I don't want to play them, so I don't. That's easy. I don't want to watch them, so I don't. That's not too hard. Sometimes sports are on in a bar, and sometimes shows I like are pre-empted, but I can deal with that.

I don't want to hear about sports either. And that's a problem. There's an assumption that everyone likes sports, and wants to talk about them constantly. For some reason, during the football playoffs, the media acts like every man, woman, and child is obsessed with football. (Admittedly, a lot of them are.) So the radio DJs can't go 5 minutes without talking about the Patriots. Signs in the grocery stores say "Great snacks to eat while you're watching the game!" Newspapers ignore actual issues to expand their football coverage and talk about the teams, the coaches, the stadiums.

These aren't great impositions on my daily life. I just don't like the assumption that everyone cares about football. It's just like Christmas. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I don't celebrate the Super Bowl. And I'm tired of being made to feel like an outcast because of that.

Recently, a rap/metal band called Stuck Mojo released a song called "Open Season", about shooting terrorists. The band has said in a statement that they're taking a stand against global jihad. The reaction from conservative bloggers has been absolutely ridiculous. (Yes, the reaction from conservative bloggers is always ridiculous. But this seems more remarkable than usual.)

First, the band is being hailed as heroes for saying that they want to kill terrorists. It's not like that's some kind of controversial or rare statement. I've seen hundreds of cars with bumper stickers along those lines. Of course, some people interpret the song as a call to kill all American Muslims. And anyone who cheers that statement has some problems. But, nonetheless, people cheer. I've seen people say that this will help their cause. Apparently they live in a parallel universe in which Stuck Mojo is an entertainment juggernaut with legions of adoring fans, who will blindly follow the band's politics.

But the bigger problem is that these people are now claiming to be fans of the band. I keep seeing comments like "I don't normally like rap, but I bought two copies of this album", or "I have a new favorite band!" That's idiotic. Who picks their favorite band based on politics? I like some of Bono's charity work, but I'd rather slam my head into a brick wall than listen to the latest U2 album. And I care about global warming, but if Nickelback released a song about the melting ice caps I'd still avoid it like the plague. For some reason, it's different for conservatives. They confuse agreement with quality. Remember, these are the same people who burned Dixie Chicks CDs after the singer mildly insulted Bush.

Maybe I'm approaching this the wrong way. I should just look on the bright side: Large numbers of middle-aged white men attempting to enjoy rap-metal because they know that they're supposed to like this band. And it teaches bands everywhere that they can attract a large audience and tons of praise on the Internet by releasing music that appeals to right-wing nutcases. I want to see more shitty bands get in on this, so conservative bloggers have to buy dozens of CDs that they hate.