World of Suck

There's so much discussion lately about germ spreading and contamination that sanitizing products have proliferated faster than nukes during the Cold War. However the top of the heap for 'personal grottiness' these days has nothing to do with bathrooms or even flu epidemics. It's cell phone schmutz.

It's bad enough when you have to rub the display of your cell on your clothes to make it visible enough to read, but the overall nastiness of having to borrow someone else's phone is enough to make the ordinary person break out in hives. Even passably clean cells have a build-up of biological detritus in the corners that inclines the borrower to want to grab a pair of latex gloves before utilizing the device. ...And then you get to put it next to your face.

Yummy.

Of course, I suppose, there's the solution of the pleather (yes *pleather*) and vinyl phone condoms. This cell-sac is usually donated during the purchase of the expensive tidbit of electronics by an overly grateful vendor as a token of gratitude to the buyer. But it's far from ideal. Given the shallowness of the buttons the plastic inhibits ease of use, encourages mis-dials and registers long term users as either 'anal' or 'nerdy' (generally both).

One imagines that, given the invention of stainless steel, perhaps science one day will provide us with the miracle of grot-free plastics. Perhaps even a mutation on the organisms that eat oil slick off the waves during spills (hands-fee anyone?).

Until then however? Keep your phone recharged, and scrub well between uses on the denim. And remember to wash your pants.

There is an as-of-yet-unrecognized force in the universe that trumps virtually all of the "basic forces". As a refresher here are the four basic forces:

- Gravity
- Radioactive Decay (weak atomic)
- Nuclear (within the nucleus or strong atomic)
- Electromagnetism

I will now introduce a force, against which all others (well perhaps not Nuclear) pale. It is a common force, and one that many of us have seen in practice and yet failed to identify.

This force is the attraction between pet hair and an LCD screen.

I defy anyone, anyone at all, to be able to trump the attraction between a strand of squiggly fur and an active display. You might be able to move it around on the screen, but it is beyond human capacity to actually *remove* the hair.

Like many great scientific discoveries there may be little practical application. However I take great solace in the fact that I have brought this phenomena out into the light where others may recognize that, when faced with cat fur on the screen, you might as well just live with it because there's no fucking way you're getting it off.

Thank you.