World of Suck

Ah, post Christmas bliss. You've got your pile of loot. New toys waiting to be opened and enjoyed.

Can someone explain something for me? What the hell is with packaging these days? I'm sure there is an anti-theft basis for it, but I shouldn't need a plasma torch to cut my way into my items?

I mean, you've got DVDs that are shrink wrapped, then have annoying sticker seal on 3 sides, and then have those two stupid tabs locking them further. I JUST WANT TO WATCH MY MOVIE!!!!

Heaven forbid you got a gadget of some sort. Those plastic containers... I seriously don't know how to properly open them. They place the item between two pieces of plastic, then heat seal the entire deal. The only thing I can do seems to be to machete chop my way through with a knife or scissors. Do your best to avoid cutting anything important like instructions or warranty info. Hope it fucking works too, because most stores won't accept shredded container returns.

I mean, there has to be an upper limit to what thieves will go through before they just grab the entire package and do a grab and run out the door. I feel fairly certain we're well past that point now. I know that because I've seen it done numerous times with packaging far less formidable.

My mp3 container should not be Fort Knox. My DVDs shouldn't require magnetic locks. And my xbox controller shouldn't be hermetically sealed.

OK, I dislike SUVs in general. Well, that's not entirely true. I think they're useful when uses to actually do off-roading. When used by soccer moms to be stylish minivans, no so much.

However, they make up over a third of the vehicles on the road, so I get to deal with it. No problem.

So, what's got me pissed about them today? The drive through. The local fast food joint has 2 speed bumps in the parking lot. Not even big ones. Little ones. About an inch and half high and 2 feet across. I drive my little POS car across them at 10mph and barely feel them.

For some deep and mysterious reason, this woman in front of me, in her behemoth Ford Explorer, come to a complete fucking stop and then inches over these things like she was climbing the berlin fucking wall. I'm talking 30 seconds to pull herself over each fucking one. Fucking hell woman. You've got a vehicle with 8 inches of ground clearance. Even though the Explorer really isn't designed for off road activity, it's still got a decent suspension and can fucking deal with a tiny fucking bump.

You know, you don't have to use your SUV to drive through the west. Or climb mountain trails. But you should be able to handle the fucking PARKING LOT at the mother fucking fast food joint. If that's too much for you, maybe you need to look into car pooling or something.

Stupid dumbass incompetent fucking bad drivers.

There have been lots of articles lambasting those of, let's say, more plebeian tastes who find pleasure in the adorning of their holiday lawn. There have always been detractors that feel the simplicity of green boughs and faerie lights, perhaps a ribbon or two, were all the spirit of the season called for. Of course the anti-plastic santa/snowman/rudolph contingent now have something far greater to fear... the creeping horde of inflatable statuary.

The Times did a lavish article, interviewing people who both loved and hated these garish constructions. And, quite as one would expect, there's a factory in Texas that claims to be the primary source of "Airblowns".

"The magic of the Airblown is that you buy it, plug it in, and it’s ready to go," said Sharlene Jenner, the marketing manager for Gemmy, a company that first made its mark six years ago with a wall-mounted singing fish known as Big Mouth Billy Bass, and began making Christmas floats soon after. "You’re going to make a big statement without 20 hours of work. It’s a lot of decoration for the dollar, in other words."

It's faintly amusing that even those formerly accused of violating tasteful decorating etiquette due to plastic lawn ornaments have negative impressions of the air-filled sacks, however one comment from the article in particular stuck in my mind:

But the inflatables have brought the notion of Christmas self-expression to another plane. Now, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, that televised triumphal march that inaugurates the season, can live on in miniature for weeks at a time, swaying and bobble-heading across the front lawn of anyone willing to pay the electric bill " maybe a thousand dollars if you keep them inflated all the time, less if you leave the skins of your Christmas characters sprawled on the ground most of the day, their crumpled faces staring blankly at the sky or the sod, depending.

That last bit there - about how they looked when deflated popped into my head as I passed between two neighbors who apparently were in a bit of a war of competition with their inflatable snowmen. It finally hit, as I made my way out of eyesight of the collapsed piles of fabric what they really resemble when flattened, and now it makes even more sense why I detest them so much. When they're not erect, they look like nothing so much as a used condom, and while you ponder that tidbit realize as well just how much sense that really makes.

A Muslim Congressman swore his oath on the Koran. They said it was the downfall of American society.

I laughed.

No one could take them seriously, right?

Oh how I wish I lived in a country that no one would take them seriously. Now, the pundits are saying we need to step up our immigration policies soon before other Muslim congressman get elected. That somehow, we need to filter out immigrants based on religious belief. Or put in some sort of "moral value" (read as: belief in Jesus!) requirement for serving in Congress. If we don’t do something now, it’s the beginning of the end. I swear to fucking god that’s their exact words. ‘The Beginning of the End.’ Go fuck yourself.

Seriously people, how fucking stupid are you? Seriously. I’m fucking tired of this moronic hypocritical bullshit. Its jingoist propaganda at it’s worst.

Hell, I could accept it if they just didn’t like this guy. Disagree with him. Disagree with his beliefs. Fine. Whatever, it’s no skin off my nose if you like the fucker or not. Couple of years, run a better candidate against him and get him voted out. It shouldn’t be that hard. Fuck. I can’t imagine why a segment of the population would elect someone that actually represented their faith instead of a mindless political whore who saw them like some wretched dog who pissed on his shoes.

Beginning of the end? Please. Have a drink, relax a little bit and shut the fuck up because you don’t have a mother fucking clue.

I can deal with people that have problems with immigrants sitting around munching on the welfare dollar or otherwise pilfering the system. Sure, Bitch about them. Not going to hear a complaint from me. Illegals? No problem from me. Kick the fuckers out by the boatload. But that not what these shit bags are doing here. They’re honestly standing up and saying that our country needs to tell Muslims to get out because we don’t take kindly to their type 'round here.

Fucking hillbilly uneducated bigoted racist horse shit. Those goat felchers need to die in a fire. Acting like somehow your religion is any better than theirs. Maybe you should fucking worry about you own religious faults before you cast stones into someone else’s issues.

Do you neo-con right wing fuckers want to know why the left talks down to you? This is fucking it. You have to talk slow to dumb children to help them comprehend.

I know there have been times where decapitation has been in vogue, like the French Revolution for example. And heck, it’s even making a comeback in the whole “Fertile Crescent” area as well. That’s why sometimes I have to wonder about something people label as “festive” that I tend to think of as “freakish”… Santa Heads.

You see them all over, in stores, hanging from hooks. These shrunken (but not realistically withered) heads adorn the shelves with rosy cheeks, bright eyes and impish smiles. It’s a regular Madame Tussaud’s house of horrors, only with a holiday, festive touch.

Personally I find the whole dead-guy-nailed-to-a-cross to disturbing enough. I get the point, Jesus suffered and everyone needs to be reminded of it all the time, although putting one of these over a little kid’s bed seems unreasonable and somewhat disturbing. I guess that’s one way to get the tykes immune to horror, blood and emaciated bodies.

Back to the topic however, every time I see one of these Santa heads I have to wonder if there isn’t a pile of plump little bodies, all dressed in their red suits stacked like cord wood someplace, perhaps behind the factory that has the guillotine that lopped off their heads.

Yes, that's right, I won Time's "Person of the Year" award. The cover of this week's Time magazine has a little plastic mirror on it. Because apparently, "You" is the Person of the Year.

That's so lame! Time has had this award since 1927. They used to give the award to actual people: Hitler, Gandhi, Churchill. Then they started giving it to groups, like "The Middle Class" and "Young People", in the 1960s. In the 1980s Time completely stopped trying, awarding PERSON of the year to "The Computer" and "The Earth".

But none of those are as lame as "You". That's not a person! That's not even a group! It's barely even a concept. If Time doesn't want to actually give a Person of the Year award, nobody's making them. Next year, if they can't come up with an actual person or small group to honor, they should just skip the whole thing. Because "You" is just stupid.

From Fox News:

Louisiana Police: Pit Bull Puppy Chewed Off Baby's Toes While Parents Slept

BOSSIER CITY, La. — A pit bull puppy chewed off four of a baby girl's toes while the child's parents slept, police here said Monday. The parents were booked on charges of child desertion and criminal negligence and were being held in the Bossier Parish Jail pending an initial court appearance.

Police said the parents were sleeping on a mattress in the living room of their residence and the month-old girl was in an infant seat beside them when the puppy began chewing on their baby's toes.

Mary Shannon Hansche, 22, and Christopher Wayne Hansche, 26, told police they woke up to the sound of the baby crying, found her mangled foot and took her to the hospital about 8:30 a.m. Sunday.

"They did not see the dog injuring the child," police spokesman Mark Natale said.

The girl underwent surgery Sunday at Sutton's Children's Hospital in Shreveport. There was no way to reattach the child's toes, Natale said Monday.

The puppy was 6 weeks old and had no record of receiving its shots and will be quarantined for 10 days to check for rabies. Natale said he did not know what the puppy's fate would be after that.

"The puppy itself was just several weeks old! I mean this was essentially a puppy," Natale said.

"This puppy might have been trying to nurse on the toes of this baby," veterinarian Michael Dale speculated. "I know that sounds a little far fetched, but that's the first thing that comes to my mind."

Teresa Miller, who sold the puppy to the Hansches, was skeptical the dog did it. "He didn't chew on anything while he was with me. Out of all of them (in the litter), he was the least chewy."

Another veterinarian, Dr. Valri Brown, said if the puppy chewed off the infant's toes, it would not have happened quickly. "It would have to be a period of time — maybe at least an hour," she said.

Meanwhile, the puppy's been quarantined at Bossier City's animal control office for the next 10 days to check for rabies. Natale said he did not know what the puppy's fate would be after that.

When she is released from the hospital, the child will be placed in a foster home until the case against her parents is settled, officials said.

1) The parents should not have their child sleeping near the floor with a pet around, especially one they hadn't had for long.

2) The parents were sleeping on a mattress on the floor - is that because they could not afford furniture? Buying a pure-bred pitbull before you can afford real furniture, especially for your child is some screwed up priorities.

3) That breeder is a greedy bitch to have let a 6 wk old puppy go when 8 wks is standard. Puppy probably wasn't fully weened yet. Any 6 wk old puppy would have been capable of chewing off a babies toes if it wanted to nurse, even a chauhuaha.

One genius on another forum said he'd throw the dog out the window. I feel bad for the kid, but throwing a 6 wk puppy out a window is no answer.

Most states require a licence to own a dog, but any moron can have a baby.

Many of us are forced by law to wear these things. These laws have been on the books for a long time. You would think that they could make then more comfortable. I was the passenger in a car returning from yet another trip for work and the seatbelt was annoying the crap out of me.

I do not understand why the passenger seatbelts are different than the drivers in many cars. The driver's belt will typically move a bit, allowing the driver to move to look for cars, change the radio, or other things. And as if the whole contraption isn't annoying enough, the passenger's side doesn't move, except to make the fucking thing tighter. I guess passenger's aren't supposed to have an itch or change the radio. We are supposed to be good little passengers and not move a muscle. Exhale? Not allowed, the belt of death tightens its grip like a boa constrictor.

I was stuck in one of these cars for three hours. Buckle-up, get comfortable. Belt starts creeping and rubbing. I try to ignor it. Belt start bothering my boobs (many women have a time every month they don't want "the girls" caressed gently or even in a bra, never mind being scrunched and contorted by a strip of stiff material). Try to move belt to a more comfortable position, even though there is no give. Exhale and the damn that thing tightens up. No choice - have to unbuckle and get a bit of room back.

I had to unbuckle, breath and rebuckle about 4 times, before I unbuckled myself, cursed at it (yes, with a colleage in the car who was driving) and tied a fucking knot in it. Yes, a "fuck you I want to fucking breath, you are not retracting anymore" knot. Choosing between being annoyed half to death or being safe is sad really. And something I think car makers, especially domestic car makers, need to address.

I think, and not just limited to cars, that any engineer that designs something for the consumer should test it first. My proposal: The son-of-a-bitch that designs a seltbelt should be required to be the passenger in car with it for 3 hrs - NO stops, NO unbuckling. Then forced to drive his/her significant other strapped in the passenger seat, so they have to listen to any complaining. I think that there might be a few design changes if they had to test it themselves. Think Detroit will go for it?

I hate being interrupted when I watch TV. No by people, but by commercials. I don't have a TiVO or DVR, but I should get one. Mostly, I flip channels during breaks. Or I watch HBO or something that is commercial free.

I'm pretty good at timing my flips back to the original station. I very rarely miss more than a few seconds of the show.

A lot of people are like that I suppose. Or the TiVO is helping them avoid commercials automatically. I say that because recently I've seen more and more little stupid commercials running DURING the show.

The annoying fuckers suddenly pop up in the lower right hand side and take up a quarter of the screen. They overlay whatever you're watching, and occasionally, when you're really lucky, they have SOUND!! that overrides the shows sound. How wonderful.

The past few weeks, I've seen a ton of these. I don't know if I'm just lucky or if there are actually more of them. Fox is running a Eragon blitz to help promote that movies release. Another station is doing Cold Case. Spike is doing Video Game awards and Sci-fi is doing non stop ads for the Lost Room.

Now, you may say that the ads are working because a) I watched them and b) I remembered them. This is true. But there is a flaw here. I will not watch the indicated shows. I refuse. Maybe that's not true of all their viewers, but it certainly is for me.

I just can't stand those stupid little pop ups. Can't avoid them, can't ignore them, can't stand them.

I can't imagine why I've taken to watching shows online instead.

So, it's been a while. But yes, there are still people willing to sue Rock Star because of the GTA: San Andreas mod. In case you've missed it, a hacker released a mod that allowed you to access a simulated sex game that was left in the source code.

Of course, this was all hashed out in the press a year ago or more. But a Philly man has decided to sue because the company won't refund his money. You see, he bought it for his son two years ago. Apparently he just caught up to the news. So, he took the game away from his kid and wants his money back. The company offers a patch that will disable the mini-game.

The kicker? The kid? He's 23 now.

I don't know about you guys, but if my dad tried to take a game away from at age 23 because it had badly animated sex scenes... I'd have a hard time not laughing in his face. Hell, he was 21 when the game was released. Full grown adult. I mean, I know I harp on parental responsibility all the time, but this... this goes to the other end of the extreme.

I'm certain Pops is going to die of a heart attack when he finds out that there is porn on the internet and a decent chance his son looks at it.

This was posted on my supergroup's forum:

"Ok, just to clear up some confusion. I mainly play on Maelstrom (RP-PvP) on the Horde side. I went there because at that time the only other person I new and enjoyed playing CoH with was there, some of you might remember Herbalize/Pain-Rain/Bitter SWT. A little while after that Teh, Faith and Oni started playing on a PvE server, but then changed to a PvP server (Burning Blade) We all started lowbie alts and had alot of fun leveling up and what not. But as things always do people move apart and for me it was purely that my idea of what fun was, was very much differnt than that of the others.

So I went back to my first toon on the first server I was playing on. I have been there mostly since but pop into Liberty and Burning Blade from time to time to say hi to all my friends. I have been in a Raiding Guild now for quite awhile, and on fridays, because we dont have official raids on friday, we do PuG Molten Core runs. Molten Core (we call it MC) is a 40 man raid. The first 40 man and concidered the easyest, and since people have real lifes and alot of us already have all the stuff we want from MC we pick up some PuG's to help fill in the empty spots. Hobbs was one of these extra's and I really wish we would of recorded that session also, as the first things Hobbs said once he got on vent was "All you bitches better back off my might" (might is a set of warrior gear)

Anyhow 4 days later he pops into vent and starts to hit on all the females in the guild. Hope you enjoy as much as I did"

http://www.wyvers.com/misc/hobss.mp3

Listen - discuss.

I got woke up the this morning by my cat with yet another mouse. At the moment I was pretty pissed off at having my beloved sleep disturbed. However in the light of morning it was pretty damn funny.

I woke to a squeek. Turned on the light in the room I feed my cats to see one of my cats with a mouse. Cat steps back and mouse rears up on its hind legs and lunges at the cat. Cat looks like "what the . . . ?" I grab something to try to beat the mouse and fail, mouse runs under dresser. Cat leaves room. I close door so mouse can't easily get out. Cat REFUSES to go back into room. So does my other cat. I go in room with broom, get the bastard out from its hiding place - it is attached to my broom by its teeth! It attacked my broom a couple more times. I managed to drop a stiff bag over it and contain the little bastard without much more incident.

Holy fuck! Never thought a mouse would be that aggressive. I wish the camera was charged and I was awake enough to think of it. That would have made one funny ass YouTube.

Ok.... so the current news story is about this illegal vato and his mamacita who have admittedly paid smugglers to get them inside the USA and then eventually making their way to Florida. She readily admits to the police that they evidently "forgot" to pay their smugglers in a timely fashion for getting them here so the smugglers have taken this illegal couple's kid in exchange.

Yes the kid was born here in the US and by some interpretations is now a U.S. citizen but this fact should be NEGATED since BOTH the parents are here illegally to begin with (I believe the current law on this states that one or the other parents need to be a US citizen already in order for the child born from the relationship to receive US citizenship automatically)

What should we do? Its very simple. Box both of them up and ship them back to where they came from with some USA Immigration Application forms as parting gifts. Make sure to get their forwarding address so that we can bring their baby back to them once we find the child and indict the smugglers of treason.

Good day.

Apparently, Tower Records has gone out of business. I found that out a few minutes ago. I don't care. What I do care about is the Washington Post's coverage of the Tower closing, in an article by Paul Farhi:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/10/AR2006121001003.html

The article talks about the "dying CD", and the loss of the "sense of wonder" and "joy of discovery" you would get when music shopping. Okay, that might be a legitimate point, but not about Tower Records! The author acts like his favorite little used record store is closing, when it's really a nation-wide chain of megastores. It's like getting nostalgic about the local Office Max going out of business because you really liked buying paper there.

Tower Records deserved to go out of business primarily because of their prices. Not only can you get music cheaper than that online or used, you can get better prices at independent record stores! (I didn't see any normal CDs for more than $14 or $15 when I was at Soundgarden, a large independent store in Baltimore, a few weeks ago.) Other places charge that much, such as the music stores in malls. I can only assume they'll go out of business soon also, and I say good riddance.

But here's what pisses me off most about the article:

I hear the music geeks whining: Tower wasn't the cheapest place around, and it often employed contemptuous or conveniently nonexistent salespeople. It also pushed the same Top 40 pap as the marts (Wal- and K), the big boxes (Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, etc.) and the surviving mall chain stores. Yeah, yeah and yeah. And so what?

That's not how you write an opinion piece! You can't just say "Lots of people disagree with me, but I don't care." He admits that there are arguments which completely blow away his premise that Tower Records was a great place to buy music, then he ignores them and just keeps on going. And he insults people who care about record shops as "music geeks" in an article about his favorite record shop! I can't believe this crap got published. But it's a fitting tribute: A shitty article about a shitty chain.

I am not a normal girl - I hate shopping. I hate dressing up. Every once in a while the urge to act like a girl emerges (or I am requested to make believe). One of these occations has arisen - I am going to a rather fancy Christmas party. I got the outfit - no problem. Shoes, hmmm, shoes. Looked in the closet - nothing suitable. So, I had to go shoe shopping for some dressy shoes.

I start my trek. One thing becomes clear, Sexy and City has ruined my shoe choices. There are nothing by 3 inch high, strappy stelletoes of death. My anxiety level rises. Where are some cute little babydolls? To make things even more fun, I am fucking Sasquatch - size 10 or 11.

At the 4th store - I finally try on a pair of 2 inch high heels with wide heel. I realize I am not longer able to stand tippy toe and forget walking. At the 5th store, patience waning - I find a pair of "kitten heel" shoes - 1 inch high but skinny. Try walking and almost take out a rack. I realize this in not going well. My choices are uncomfortable, dangerous, or something I would expect to wear full support hose with. I am beaten. I muster all my discipline and trek to a 6th store.

What is that I see? A babydoll? huh? what? but ... but ... its a sneaker. Try it on, feels great! I bought them. I'm going to wear them. I'm hoping NO ONE looks that closely at my feet. But at least the shoe shopping torment is over and I can still secretly be the schleppy geek in sneakers I really wanna be - even if I look all dressed up.

What's this shit with panhandling at the pumps? Holy Christ.

I pulled into the local C-mart/gas station a few weeks ago. The joint was hopping. One guy was going from pump to pump - I could hear the usual refrain "Hey brother, can you help me out? I just need X to Y". This is where X means some sort of cash and Y is getting to some location. I wrote this off as "Whatever".

Last night I stopped to get some of the blood juice and yet fucking again - some guy hitting up everyone there. "Hey brother can you help me out. I don't mean to ask for nuthin'"

This one was pretty good. "I just need to get to my fathers over at 57th and Keystone - can I get a lift?" I looked him square in the eye - "I can't do that."

What the hell? You're asking random strangers for a ride to an address that is arguably a mile away (the station was at the 6200 block - one major street over from Keystone) and expecting someone to give a shit and let you into their car?

Sorry sport - the days of hitchiking went out with bell-bottoms and free love. Paranoid or not, I just don't have a "Please rob and kill me" sign on my back.

Fuck you.

You know, I’m not a very good alumnus. I know that.

Maybe my high school's attempts to indoctrinate me with school pride during the forced pep rallies failed on me for some reason. Maybe I just never understood why I should feel a fanatical devotion to my college.

Regardless of the cause, the end result is the same. I don’t donate money to my schools. I don’t get it. I paid a rather large sum of money to attend university. I’m not quite certain what on earth would make me want to continue that after graduation. I was pretty sure that this is even truer when you compare the rate of tuition increases compared to the inflation rate.

I ignore the letters. They always come two at a time; One for me, and one for my girlfriend. The envelope states, in flowing script, that the University’s “Office of Annual Giving” is looking for another pledge of support. The name cracks me up because it is total fucking bullshit. I get letters from this “Annual” office between four and six times a year. Twice that if you count both envelopes. And that doesn’t count ‘special’ credit card offers, email services, home mortgages, and various other money sucking scams that originate from the alumni lists of my college. All certified and supported in an effort to get more fucking money out of me.

I paid a lot of money to get my degree already thankyouverymuch. Maybe I’m missing the sentimental bone that drives others to continue paying for that wall hanging long after I’ve earned it. Besides, I can think of a billion and three better places I could donate money then my old school.

Dunno. Maybe it’s just me. It could just a total void where my school spirit is supposed to be.

Every time I look at my phone bill, I know it’s true.

Simple pricing is what I want. One price, and the cost of any long distance calls I make. It’s simple. When you advertise something like $29.99/month and $.05 nights and weekends, the bill should be simple math to figure out. But it’s not. The fine print is those ads don’t include taxes and fees. They add up quickly.

Line charges, connectivity charges, and a handful of little taxes quickly tack another $10 to it.

Honestly, it drives me up a wall every time I actually take the time to read the bill. I usually just look at the amount owed and write the check. I know that’s dangerous, but I figure as long as the amount is consistent with previous bill, it’s better for my anger management to avoid the details too much. Or at the very least skim past it to just look at the call charges.

It’s not just the phone bill. My cable bill has a couple of them on there too. Power. Gas. All the same. Little tiny addendum to the bill. Fine print they never mention when they’re selling the service to you. All the sudden you turn around and notice that a bunch of the monthly bill money has vanished into the fine print.

It’s easy to phase it out or ignore it as a couple cents here and there, but if you ever step back and examine the mass of these fees, it’s enough to really drive you batty.

So, lesson for the day, don’t spend too much time examining your records in Money or Quicken. Sometimes it’s better to be blissfully ignorant. Especially when I start looking at how much of my income vanishes down a black hole called social security.