World of Suck

The motherfucker who couldn't be bothered to assist with a project that should have been at its current state a MONTH AGO, now feels compelled to stick his grubby little fingers into every aspect of my work.

"Site X" uses a pre-fab web publishing system - something that has so many layers of templates, points of control and style sheet snippets sitting around that I gave myself a headache trying to change a simple font color yesterday. It's my job to skin this thing in a new design and have it ready to go in about a week. I'm designing on the fly because WHO KNOWS how many layers and tid bits need to be touched, given the extreme amount of plug-ins, whizbangs and fucknuts this software has.

And that's not even touching some of the custom mark-up that's in the templates themselves. Things like the "center" tag. And the "font" tag. Fuxkers.

I'm cruising along, meriily editing "the big stuff" when I notice that suddenly all of the table borders have automagically turned on - font sizes are changing and positions of elements which I sweated over shoving into CSS are suddenly changing. A quick email to said idjit garners a response of "Sorry - I'm out of the system now".

YOU DUMBASS - YOU'RE UNDOING MY WORK AS QUICKLY AS I CAN PUT IT UP! GO BACK TO COMPOSING YOUR OUT OF OFFICE REPLIES THAT I SEEM TO GET EVERY OTHER DAY!

For the last 45 minutes, I’ve been listening to a coworker complaining about her husband of 5 years. Apparently, she found his porn folder. Horrors of horrors it contained… pictures of naked women. She’s horrified. She feels betrayed. She thought about calling out sick today so she could try to get a grip on herself (her words; my pun). She’s nearly broken into tears a few times so far. She thinks he doesn’t love her. That he thinks she’s ugly. She’s afraid that he’s doing the 5 knuckle shuffle because he doesn’t want her anymore. She thinks it’s the same as cheating on her

Oh, it makes my head hurt.

It’s ok to look at porn. I swear. If it’s not your cup of tea, that’s fine. But there is a leap I’ve never really understood: why does one person’s desire to look at porn somehow detract from the relationship with the partner?

Now, I’ll give the caveat that there are people with ‘porn addictions’ that do have a serious problem in their relationship. But just watching porn or enjoying porn doesn’t mean that they hate you. It could be that they just felt like flogging the bishop or doing the two fingered tango (equal opportunity here) for a few minutes. Of course, I suppose anyone that has a problem with porn may not like pounding the pud much either.

I enjoy watching porn. I have a nice collection. It’s fun. It’s happy. It’s HARMLESS. So is wanking. I’ll take sex over it anytime though. But shaking hands with Mr. Happy from time to time never hurt anyone

So lady, sooner or later you’ve got to come to grips (haha) with the fact that your husband enjoys a perfectly normal pastime. And it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or isn’t attracted to you. It means he likes to look at naked women. Maybe strangle the serpent some. It also doesn’t come CLOSE to being unfaithful. Trust me when I say there is a WORLD of difference between the two. Rosie and her five sisters aren’t the same as picking up a bar slut and taking her to a motel.

I suggest you step back, and talk about it with your husband. I doubt you’ll get him to stop. Possible, but unlikely. More likely that he’ll just hide it better. But it’s important to let him know your feelings on it so both of you can understand each other. Mostly, I think you need to get over it.

PS: I don’t even want to think about the number of times I typed pron instead of porn and had to fix it. And yes, I was trying to work in as many euphemisms as possible is such a small article!

So we bought an IPod Shuffle from Best Buy a little over a month ago. Wouldn't you know, but the little fucker wouldn't hold a charge after the first three weeks. Drained it to zero several times, tried everything, nada. Ok well as I was checking out from Best Buy the lady at the register talked me into spending an additional few bucks for a "replacement policy". Two years, if it breaks bring it back and they'll replace it. See that's just what she said, however, as it's easy to guess that isn't quite how it works.

First off I saved the receipt. I always save receipts. It's virtually compulsive. So armed with the defective unit and the receipt it's back to Best Buy we go.... but no that's NOT how the replacement policy works. See they never gave me a brochure for the replacement, and the brochure says that you have to call this 888 number. Fine, then I call. From work. The next day. First thing the lady asks (after a 15 min wait on the phone because their automated system was "defective") "do you have your receipt"? Well no, I have it at home - and regardless of the fact that they can SEE that I bought the unit in their records and they can SEE that I bought a replacement policy they won't help me till I have the magic paper in my hands. Whatever, I'll call when I get home.

I get home. I figure I hate dealing with people, I'll just fill in the form online. I find the link, type in the number from the receipt, put in the cause of the defect as close as possible and hit enter. "DENIED". WTF??? I start the process again, this time I'm going to enter a DIFFERENT defect, but.... when I put in the number it tells me I already had a claim denied but if I think this is "in error" I should call their 888 number. WTF%$*)%@!&$!!! Ok, I go get the phone and I call, this time armed with the receipt and secure in the knowledge that I paid my money they WILL give me the replacement I was promised.

I get some youngish sounding male on the phone. He finds the product and the fact that I started the claim. He asks what's wrong. I tell him. This is where the bullshit REALLY starts:

me: The unit no longer charges, I need to get a replacement.
toady: I'm sorry that's not covered.
me: What do you mean that's not covered? When I bought the replacement policy the lady at the register said if it was broken or ceased to work that the replacement policy covered it. Well it has ceased to work, and I need a replacement.
toady: I'm sorry she didn't explain the policy correctly, but that's not covered.
me: How does the fact that it doesn't charge not get covered? It's broken.
toady: Well that's not considered normal wear and tear.
me: Well that IS covered?
toady: Well the item is covered if it broke during typical use.
me: This WAS typical use. We plug it in, it doesn't charge - that's typical use.
toady: Well, I'm sorry but it's not covered.
me: Fine then a piece broke off and now it can't be charged, is THAT covered?
toady: What piece broke off?
me: A piece that is needed to make it charge.
toady: No that's not covered.

Ok, now typically I'm polite to people when I'm on service/tech support calls but it was hot and I was pissed so I decided to kick it into full snarl and let him have it.

me: Look, I paid my money for a two year replacement plan. The plan covers the item if it is broken during normal use. I didn't use pliers on it. I didn't drop it. It's BROKEN. I paid my money and I want a replacement. If you can't help me I want your manager to explain to me why I paid money for a service I'm not getting.

toady: One minute please I'll get my manager.

....several minute wait....

toady: My manager is here now to help you.
manager: Sorry for the inconvenience, how can I help you?
me: I bought an IPod shuffle and it won't charge.
manager: Is it an external charging unit?
me: No. It's part of the IPod its self. You plug in the IPod and it won't charge.
manager: I'll be happy to send you the paperwork for the replacement.

Ok, so supposedly now I get a label to sent it in to Best Buy and I get a gift card for a replacement. I'm not all that happy - since I was told I could just bring the unit IN to the store and get a new one, but fuck - if this is what it takes then fine.

Honestly I don't understand why I have to deal with obtuse service toadies - unless of course Best Buy wants to put as many barriers in the way as possible before I can get the service I paid for. Which of course I'm sure they do. I'm certain the toadies on the phone get rewarded for every claim they can deny (probably have little stamps on their cubicles in the shape of a screaming stick-figure for each customer they manage to get rid of, like pilots have for kills on their aircraft). Maybe I'm not bitchy enough from the start. I try to respect the person on the other end of the phone, at least until it becomes apparent that they're deliberately trying to mislead me. Maybe the motto should be "Bitch first, explain later"... but I hate the idea of making that a policy when I prefer to think that people actually -want- to help me. But then again there must be a reason for the motto "the squeaky wheel gets the grease".

In any event, be forewarned. When dealing with Best Buy replacement policies: save the receipt, and ask for a manager right away. It will save you minutes wasted from your life better spent elsewhere.